The great pumpkin is really satan.

Dear Diary,

Read my email:

 Wrote: 
>dear rizzn,
>oh, for about forever!
>do you live in texas? i don't live in texas. thank you, texas.
>- celine.
>-
>http://celine.nodata.org
>>
>> Dear Celine,
>>
>> It is amusing that you thought I was a girl, but praytell
>exactly .how long you have thought that I was a girl?
>>
>> I don't hate you. :)
>> --
>> Rizzn.
>>>dear rizzn,
>>>
>>>it is funny (i suppose.), all this time i thought you
>>>were a girl.
>>>
>>>please don't hate me! i didn't mean it.

Crack is great.

Malkavia wrote today about the bottom of the literary foodchain.

People in the world always targeting comics as the bottom of the literary foodchain. I never get it. Comics are great! I mean look at all the great things about Batman!. Batman is from a comic. Batman can teach us great things! Why are comics so bad then? Hrmm?

But seriously, Malk's big point was that Jack Chick, this fellow behind chick.com that apparently writes Christian tracts is a liar. I must admit, I'm one of the most ardent Christians I know, but I'm not familiar with Jack Chick's great works, and this comic about halloween was the first bit of work I've seen of his.

From reading this entertaining work of fiction, I am honestly able to say that Jack Chick is not guilty of lying about witches, of which Malk acuses him of being. Let's analyze his comic for a bit.

(note: for those getting pissed off, skip to the last paragraph if you just can't stand it anymore before you send me hate mail. but read the whole thing, trust me on this, you guys know how I am. :)

What Jacky-boy says is "To satanists and witches, Halloween is no joke."

Truth. It's an actual event for both groups.

"As we get closer to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ ... Satanism will increase. So will human sacrifice."

If you believe what's in the Bible literally (specifically Revelation), yes, that's a truth. Along with a lot of other bad things for Christians.

"Halloween started with the Druids in the British Isles."

Kindof right. He obviously didn't do a whole lot of research, or he really really oversimplified his research into one sentence. There are actual accounts of the Druids in the dawn of the Roman Empire coming to the British Isles practicing human sacrifice however this was not common practice, however, but a new strain of thought among the celts. If you read through the many different accounts of the Legend of King Arthur, you'll find some of these accounts mentioned in there. Usually these human sacrifices were volunteers however, at least from the accounts I've read. (Don't try to peg me down on this, it's been a long time since I've read about this and if you try to argue me on it, I'll likely just concede the point -- it was from a reliable source where I read it, not just propaganda however).

"These guys were really spooky."

An opinion. Hey man, maybe they were spooky to Mr. Chick.

"Halloween ... glamorizes the powers of darkness, drawing in little kids."

Truth. When else do you see kids dressed up as what would usually be considered things of evil (i.e. undead, satan, etc).

"Satanic sacrifices are a slap in God's face."

Umm... to say the least.

Mr. Chickacola talks about some facts about getting to heaven which are generally theologically correct -- they are straight from the bible and really can't be disputed by any real theologan.

Note: this is the paragraph I was talking about to read if you skipped any of the above part that you need to read before sending hate mail.

NOW, the problem in Mr. Chick's logic is that he groups witches and satanists into the same camp.

The logic that Mr. Chick tries to use to put human sacrificers, ancient and current, is flawed. He puts true facts about both groups together to indicate that what society today considers a witch still practices human sacrifice to play on societal fears. And he also falls in to a common theological trap that many blind Christians follow into, and that is fear of the unknown. Read on.

Granted, in Leviticus, there is the verse where it is mentioned in Hebrew law "..suffer not a witch to live."

From this verse alone, a God-fearing Christian might think that we are to stone or not talk to our pagan friends because it might keep us from going to heaven. Christian friends, I say to you, please don't think this and let me tell you why! (hee hee, I shoulda been a preacher).

Something that is essential to know as a Christian and that many people don't bother to learn is that many of the things written in the Old Testament of the Holy Bible don't apply to us a Christians. Granted, most of the general principals do, but in the Old Testament, there are a number of laws and regulations that were broken upon God's gift of the Christian covenant.

In this case, the law God gave to the Hebrews by way of Moses saying "suffer not a witch to live" no longer applies in the same way the commandment "Honor the Sabbath and keep it holy" no longer applies to Christians.

"Huh?!?" I collectively hear. Yes it's true. Think about it. Jews, the Hebrew, were commanded on a stone tablet actually written by God to keep the seventh day holy in remembrance of God's original rest on the seventh day in the creation story. That's Saturday. Do we go to church traditionally on Saturday? Hrmm? No, I bet if you go to church, you go on Sunday. That's a tradition brought about by the original 12 deciples and Jesus himself.

What does that mean? It means nothing except to demonstrate that we as Christians are no longer bound by all the rules and regulations set forth originally by God. Instead, God gave us the most important commandment, "Love the Lord God with all your body, spirit, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself." If you follow that law, that pretty much keeps you in line with all the important stuff. (i.e. stealing, killing, etc.)

So, keeping that law in mind, does it make sense to shun, kill, maim, persecute, run out of town, either by hand, proxy or assistance witches or other non-believers? No, people, that is not the way to win friends and influence people.

That's more or less why I get sick when I read stuff like this, because any chance I have of making intelligent friends and them not thinking I'm an idiot for being a Christian is pretty much gone because they think I believe like this Jack Chick guy or many Christians who will actually force pagans and witches and stuff out of their town altogether! And think about it, if you really are a Christian, don't you want to save everyone's soul that you can? That includes witches and pagans, and if you treat them like sh!t, they ain't gonna like what you have to say.

For those of you who were totally bored by what I had to say, please just humor me and don't tell me I'm boring. I went to seminary after I left highschool for a while and I get into talking about this sort of thing. Plus, education isn't a totally bad thing. The less stupid people in the world the better, right?

Keep that in mind and happy halloween.

Love, Rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I don't want the cat as my sacrifice! I want Carrie!
- the Great Pumpkin played by the Debil himself!

Meaningless drivel of the Day

Dear Diary,

I am guesing that Uncle Bob is having his kid this morning or something. He didn't update, and he told us what that means.

Yay for Uncle Bob! A Halloween baby!

I'm thinking I want to set up a search engine program for Diaryland. It would be useful. And fun. And a good exercise.

I have a bunch of projects I need to be working on though. We'll see. I'll announce it formally if it happens.

We met with our Chicago client again this weekend. He came down from Chicago and had real Texas marguritas with us. And boy were they good.

I downloaded a bunch of really cool skins for winamp. I love high speed connections.

Speaking of which, our DSL is supposed to be installed today. I hope that goes well.

I'm going to go do some work and come back with a meaningful entry. :)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Recently I've heard indications that there are OTHER domains like Diaryland out there. Oh no! "

- uberhamster

Absolute truth about company pep rallys is they suck

dear Diary,

Have you ever thought about reality? Not Reality but the concept of reality (but if you'd like to think about Reality, I'm sure she wouldn't mind).

Free thinkers seem to have the common thread that reality is this tenuous idea that it is some fluid thing that can't truly be defined. It is this common thread that devolves most philosophical arguments down to semantics.

What is reality?

The quality or state of being actual or true; one, such as a person, an entity, or an event, that is actual; the totality of all things possessing actuality, existence, or essence; that which exists objectively and in fact; that which has necessary existence and not contingent existence.

Reality is based upon fact. Not subjectively on fact. Objectively. That means reality is not up for interpretation. Reality doesn't change from one person to another. Reality is the same for every person. It isn't something you can just make up. It is hard; concrete; essentially -- you don't determine what reality is.

But Rizzn, you say, what's true for me isn't what is true for Jim Bob, my neighbor!

And I tell you that you are wrong, and let me tell you why.

What you are telling me what is true for you isn't true for your buddy is in actuality the statement: "What I percieve as truth isn't what my neighbor/buddy/arch-enemy/dog's lover perceives as truth."

So does perception equal reality. I think the obvious answer is no. The definition of reality and the definition of perception of reality are completely different.

So how do you make the distinction?

Well, one can make the judgement of what reality is based upon what he/she observes, but in truth, this is just relying on your sense, making your perception of reality purely subjective. To truly get an accurate perception of reality, one must consult a third party, preferably reliable. If one can do this and verify the perceptions, than one's perceptions can probably be verified as fact. (see definition of fact for more information on verifying your reality).

All this to say that there is such thing as absolute truth, and there is no way around it. You, me, your dog's lover ... all of us have perceptions of reality. We all have subjective ideas of what reality is.

The truth of the matter is that we are in each and everybody's own right, either absolutely right or absolutely wrong on each facet of what we percieve as reality.

But out there is the absolute truth. It exists. Otherwise there is no such thing as existance or reality as we know it. If there is no such thing as absolute truth, then everything you know is wrong. Or right. Or actually doesn't matter. You might as well not know anything if everything you know is useless and void.

But if you admit that you know the correct answer to, say, 1+1, then you know something. Absolute truth dictates that 1+1 in a simple adding equation will always equal 2. Absolute truth.

By the way ... if you write me and tell me that the only absolute truth is that there is no absolute truth I will only laugh and post your name for public ridicule. Surely any logical mind will see the inherint logical folly in such statements.

Anyway, I've got to go to a company pep rally. Don't ask. It's dumb.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "And this is the attitude I adopt when I don't feel like I've had enough sleep. Midol? What's that?"
- kat

You heard right, sister!

Dear Diary,

You know, it's bad when you see that you are doing three entries a day. It means the projects you are working on probably aren't getting done.

But I read kat's entry response to be humorous. "Today is a shut up and take it however they wanna give it to me day." Ha hah haheheh.

Ok, it was funny to me, I guess.

And then I read here that "..last night i dreamt that i said to somebody, "my family is so dysfunctional that my younger brother is two years older than me."

Fun day. Non-productive day. Day of many entries.

Oh, I guess it's mention-worthy that my ex-girlfriend that I think I wrote about a long time ago who's handle is Z.. wrote me today. I haven't talked to her in nearly 2 years. She's a programmer now. Or at least she's learned how to program. Which is sexy to me.

You know, of all the girls I've ever gone out with, she's the only one I wish we were still together. She didn't fsck me over. She didn't screw up my life. In fact, while we went out, it was the most blissful time of my life.

Seriously I felt more spritually in tune than ever when we were a thing. This probably has to do with the fact that shortly after our breakup I fell into a deep depression/self-indulgence thing that took me 3 years to recover from (i.e about 7 or 8 months ago).

Nonetheless, it was a good time, and that is about 7 or 8 months of my life I wouldn't exchange for the world. I hope that one day I can attain that level of happiness and communion with God and a significant other again.

Whew. This entry got all heavy in a hurry.

At any rate, in her email to me she mentioned that she knew someone from our hometown that goes to school with her who said he knew me that had been spreading rumors about me and she wanted the real story behind it (I have no idea who this fool is, but the rumors he supposedly spread are most likely true).

This is part of the reason I didn't keep close contact with Z.. as well as many of my other Christian friends. I was and still am to a certain extent ashamed to admit to the public of what exactly happenned during that time of my life.

Why do you think I never use my real name in this diary? Sure many people already know that rizzn and my real name are synonomous, but most of the people I hide those years of my life from don't know.

Z.. knows, but I hope she hasn't found this diary. That would suck.

Ok, enough pining about the past.

Here's my plan ... my dastardly evil plan.... should I not find the perfect woman by the time I am a rich business owner (which is coming very soon, by the way -- different story, but not a joke), I'm going to call up Z.. and offer her a job programming for me (a thing she has taken up and apparrently enjoys doing, partly because of my enthusiasm for my computers, so she tells me) and my company with a salary she can't refuse. Then I'll do the Bill Gates thing and marry one of my employees. Or at least take her on a date or something. She can't refuse. I'm her boss!

Hrmm. I wonder if she has a boyfriend now. She didn't mention it, but one wonders. Actually, it doesn't matter.

Why am I dwelling on this? I have work to do. Besides, I'm already promised to two other goddesses from a different plane of existance.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "god made everything, i heard. "
- perception

I am too good to be true

Dear Diary,

Your photo has been deactivated from amiHotorNot.com because 
we received a number of complaints about it.  Your photo was 
deactivated because of inappropriate content. The following 
are not welcome here: ads, copyrighted material, porn, 
nudity, celebrities, models, group photos, children, 
animals, fakes, etc. As a rule, if people don't think the   
picture is of YOU, they will complain!  To reactivate 
your account, you must submit a new photo.

This was the picture:

I think the problem is that I look too good to be true, so they automatically assume I'm a supermodel. Hell, I don't know.

/rizzn

Buttlovin'

Dear Diary,

I just want to say WTF and why is things so gosh darn complicated. Cannot people give me straight answers? Do you think tools that I am given to do my job with would be able to last for more that 10 minute intervals?

Incompetance and lack of cigarrettes make Rizzo and angry feller.

Ahg, my fone is ringing again!

and I am broke so I cannot eat. This blows. Goats. Repeatedly. and Swallows! Ack!

Ok, I just read Crackbaby's speil about this inside joke Kat and Kel have going on.

It's true. I have a thing for Kelly. And Kat. But everyone knew that right? I mean, I recieved marriage proposals and all that I accepted and stuff. Pretty common knowledge. I mean I don't promise to marry people I don't like. The plan was we all move to Utah and well, there you go, we're legal.

What concerns me the most right now is that I don't have any cigarrettes and I need one in a bad way. Or food. Or money. Damn apartment people. They should be ... oh well, we've gone over this already.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Truthfully, I think even the most homophobic man on the planet, if he were told by a gay man, "sorry…you simply don't do it for me," would probably say something like, "GOOD!!!! That's real good, faggot, 'cause this ass is one way, if you catch my drift!!! And when I say 'one way', I'm referring to the manner in which things move out through my ass, rather than in. I Just want to avoid any confusion about that comment because I realize I left out some of the particulars initially."
- youradhere

bowling balls and flipping coins and word to your mother

Dear diary,

Whazzzuuuup.

I love being left out of inside whatevers. Witness this, and this and whatever Crackbaby is writing in response. All I know is that crackbaby just walked up here and asked me if I read Kat and Kel's diary and then asked me to flip a coin.

Whatever.

There are footsteps on the ceiling. Word to your mother.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Who put this bowling ball in my stomach?" - super fast kel

Spidermonkey Rizzn

Dear Diary.

How are you this day.

Sheesh.

I need to think of a new opening line.

How iz you. no. How be you. Um, stopit with the ebonics. Greetings and salutations. well, that sounds kindof dumb, but i could trademark it (tm). Wazzzuuup.

Yeah, there we go.

Dear Diary,

Wazzzzuuuuuuuuupp...

I think I have the $4000 in the bag for the site dcevelopment for nutshellonline.com today. Which is good. It is nice to know that if I ever needed large sums of money for one reason or another in a hurry I can generally make them happen in about a week.

Makes *me* happy, anyways.

Interesting news about nutshellonline.com ... network solutions, may they rot in puke, decided that they would arbitrarily shut off our access today. Which I thought was mighty thoughtful of them. Nothing like a biz site going down for no reason at all. (they thought we hadn't paid our bill or something).

Stupid networksolution stupids.

When I am running the world, the only people who are going to get fscked over by the man are the ones who make me mad at them. I'm not going to go around and arbitrarily fsck people over. That's not very nice. And I like to think I'm a fairly nice guy.

I can't decide if I want to take a nap or blow something up right now. I think I'm going to take a nap.

But first I'm going to write a basic proggie.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: " Today is going to be a totally sexcellent day."
- super fast kel

ATMS are people too.

Dear Diary,

I am sick and tired of the world forcing me to take it in the ass. Every single day the world has walked up to me and said hey, Rizzn, cute butt, grab your ankles. For years, I'll take three steps forward and two steps back, barely keeping my head above water.

Banks. What can I say about banks. Banks are this unattainable goal for me. I think the concept of a bank-based economy is a great idea in theory, but in practice, the banks force their dick in your butt every chance they can. Especially Bank of America. They suck the worst.

Think about it. Banks stay open from what time to what time? 8 to 5.

If you don't have an account there, there is no way in hell you can get your check cashed. So you end up taking either time off work to cash your check (meaning less hours/less productivity if you are worried about that), or you wind up taking it to a check cashing service, which will take monstrous amounts of money out of your check on top of what the government steals from you.

Bend over rizzn, we want your booty. (ahh get away from me you fruit caked freak!)

So what has Rizzn all pissed off?

When I went to Chicago with 1600 bucks, I somehow came back with -318. I found out today how this happenned.

My freakin apartment cashed my $1100 rent check on the 18th while I was there. Freakin assholes.

They held onto my check for almost three freakin weeks. There should be a law against that sort of sh!t.

I mean I didn't post date my check, I dated on the day rent was due, the 1st.

Freakin cockbiting dicknibbling starfishchowing buttsucking idiot apartment people. They should be kicked in the gonads. And I don't mean a lovetap either. Someone should pull back, stick a steeltoe on, and bury that fugger so deep they'll be diggin their balls out with a backhoe.

I'm just a little perterbed, can you tell?

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Your balance is $-318.78. Please have a nice day and remove your card."
- the ATM downstairs.

Acronyms are great and other things in the news.

Dear Diary,

In the News

Today I took to surfing diaries because I was bored. It has been literally many months since I have done so. Ladiebug has a neat-o diary.

Andrew has declared this week Sexcellent week. According to the diaryland founder, "...the word SEXCELLENT just cracks me up."

In other news, words to say that sound funny when you say them which have been invented this week by various friends of Rizzn include dick nibbler, martian butt vandol, starfish chow and cock biter. Experts say that these will definately put an end to the next insult fest one should encounter with extreme prejudice.

Today, Rizzn advocate Rizzn Do'Urden launched the Diaryland Clique for people named Rizzn Clique, with a grand total of one member named Rizzn Do'Urden. In other Rizzn news, a paragraph found on this page which you happen to be reading contains the most concentrated amount of the word Rizzn to be found on the entire internet, mostly because Rizzn feels like typing the word Rizzn. Rizzn Rizzn Rizzn Rizzn. Also, Rizzn is very sleepy and loopy. Please do not allow Rizzn, should you see him, to operate heavy machinery, up to and including ATM machines.

And in our last story today, I just want to say cheer up Kelly, and anyone else who needs cheering.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "? I remember when acronyms had clever double-meanings, like U.N.C.L.E. or K.A.O.S. or umm, okay I guess that was only on 60s spy shows. But shouldn't life be a bit more like 60s spy shows? I say yes."
- andrew

Gore Facts

Subject: GORISMS



FICTION: Al Gore recently claimed that his mother-in-law pays more than $100.00 for the arthritis medicine Lodine; and he claims that his dog takes the same medicine for $37.00, claiming "This is wrong!"



FACT: Gore's aides were quick to apologize for Gore's lie, saying the information was from a Democratic study. Washington newspapers also reported that Al Gore wasn't even sure his mother-in-law was taking any medication and wasn't even sure she had arthritis. And, he doesn't know anything about his dog's "arthritis".



FICTION: Al Gore said his father, a senator, was a champion of civil rights during the 1960's.



FACT: Gore's father voted against the landmark Civil Rights Act of 1964 and was a racist who was fond of using the "N" word.



FICTION: Al Gore said that his sister was the very first person to join the Peace Corps.



FACT: By the time Gore's sister joined the Peace Corps, there were already over 100 members.



FICTION: The same sister died of lung cancer years later and Gore vowed to never accept tobacco money as campaign contributions.



FACT: Just four years later, while campaigning for office, Gore spoke to the tobacco industry and said he was one of them because "I've planted it, raised it, cut it, and dried it." He raised over $100,000 in "reported" contributions.



FICTION: While running for office, Gore's campaign literature claimed he was a "Brilliant Student".



FACT: Washington newspapers said he barely passed Harvard and consistently earned D's and C's.



FICTION: Gore claims an extensive knowledge of law as a result of his extensive study at law school.



FACT: Al Gore dropped out of law school.



FICTION: Gore claimed that his knowledge of God and spirituality came to complete fruition while "finishing" divinity school.



FACT: Al Gore dropped out of divinity school.



FICTION: Al Gore claimed responsibility for inventing the Internet in the 1990's.



FACT: Shocked scientists were quick to speak out, explaining that the Internet had been in widespread use by government and educational institutions since the early 1970's.



FICTION: Al Gore claimed the book "Love Story" was based on his life and Tipper's.



FACT: Author Erich Segal called a press conference to deny his claim. (Couldn't he at least lie about a love story where his sweetheart doesn't die?"



FICTION: Gore claimed that as a reporter for a Nashville newspaper, his stories led to the arrests of numerous corrupt criminals.



FACT: He later apologized for his claim and actually said it was untrue (Also known as lying).



FICTION: Gore claims to increase diversity in the staff that follows him daily, especially among blacks.



FACT: Black members of the Secret Service are suing because they claim they are not being promoted to positions guarding the Vice-president.



FICTION: Al Gore said he was the first to discover the Love Canal nuclear accident.



FACT: The incident was already discovered, being investigated, and covered widely in the press for many months before Gore was aware of it.



FICTION: Gore said just recently that if elected president, he would put harsh sanctions on the sleazy producers of Hollywood's extreme sex and violence.



FACT: Just six days later, Gore attended a fundraiser by Hollywood producers and radical gay activists where he told them that he would only pretend to "nudge them" if elected. He raised over $4 million.



FICTION: Al Gore said he built his Tennessee home with his bare hands.



FACT: Totally false!



FICTION: Al Gore says parents should not have a choice between private and public schools because public schools are far better.



TRUTH: Al Gore attended private school and he has sent his children to private schools.



FICTION: Al Gore remembers his mother lulling him to sleep as a baby by singing the popular ditty, "Wear The Union Label".



FACT: The popular ditty was created by the unions when Gore was 27 years old.



FICTION: Al Gore claimed to cosponsor the McCain-Feingold Campaign Reform Act.



FACT: The Act was not sponsored until he had been out of office for over a year.



FICTION: Al Gore claims to be instrumental in keeping gas prices low.



FACT: Gore has voted on numerous occasions to raise the tax on gasoline. In his book "Earth In The Balance" Gore claims that the nation's Number One enemy is the internal combustion engine. (That's the motor in your vehicle that gets you to work and takes your kids to school)



FICTION: Gore pretends to champion the rights of poor women to be tested regularly for breast cancer with the most modern technology.



FACT: While giving a speech on the subject in September, Gore didn't know what a mammogram was.



FICTION: AL Gore promised Florida's senior citizens that they would finally have low-cost drugs with no interference from government.



FACT: Gore's plan calls for the creation of a huge federal agency that would tell you which doctor you are allowed to see in order to get the "special rates".



FACT: Al Gore told NBC's Lisa Meyers that he had never told a lie. When Meyers pressed harder, "You've never told a lie?!" Gore said,

"Not that I know of." SOUND FAMILIAR?



Election Day is ticking away. E-mail this to as many people as possible or we will be living in an Al Gore fantasyland

live from dawap05

Dear Diary,

I just checked my personal voicemail (1800-222-6000, xt RIZZN444) and had messages from the ever resourceful Kat and Kel. They have some of the cutest voices I've ever heard. Sexy, even. I sent a reply to Kat that made me sound like a retard, I'm sure, but oh well.

Anyways, I guess I should spill the beans about my trip to Chicago, for anyone that cares. (You care, don't you diary? There, I knew you did!)

Well, I went up to Chicago after a grueling day of office politics on Thursday (don't even get me started on that) evening, got our car, which was a nice silver Buick Century, and checked into our hotel. The chick up front was from some oriental country, and didn't speak a lick of english.

Doh, don't you just hate it when your phone WON'T STOP RINGING? (brb)

ANYWAY! We check in, sleep off the plane ride and the previous weeks late nights, or at least Blackman does and the top of his snoring lungs.

And then we go get some food at Bennigan's downtown. We drink some beer, and I get a little buzz. Then we go to this club called the Drink. Someone got punched in the back of the neck and died.

We went home and went to bed. The next day we went to our client's office. We talked about some stuff.

The next day we slept in a little bit, then we went downtown to fiddle around. We went and fiddled, then we met our client at Bandero's. We talked and talked and talked until 4 am. He was so drunk he gave us 40% of the company he was starting.

The next day we all went to play battle tech in VR pods. That was fun.

Then we came home.

Always remember kids, a good rule of thumb is if you generally smoke after sex, you are doing it too fast.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Imagine a world without hypothetical situations."
- crackbaby

Point, counterpoint

Response to the Response to the Email Forward Someone had a while back....

No offense meant by it, just something to talk about today

This were some forwards that someone got and below it is the response. Below that is my response.

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO HAS HAD ENOUGH...

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.

If you won't/don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries, birthdays and other events you want us to remember on the calendar. That increases the chance we'll remember by 50%.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Check your oil.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle

---

TO "SOME" MEN EVERYWHERE FROM A WOMAN WHO HAS HAD ENOUGH.......

No matter how hard you try women are not all the same. We don't want the same things, we don't think the same, we don't all cry to much and suck dick too little.

Just because I have sex with you does not mean I am going to call you everyday, stalk you and want to marry you. If you think this way you are probably not worth my time anyway. Sometimes I need to just have sex too.

When you don't get a job only because you HAVE a penis, and you ARE white, you can complain about how difficult it is to be a white man these days.

Just because you go to see the strippers doesn't mean I'm going to turn into Psycho Sally and scream about why you don't find me sexy and how come I don't turn you on......did you ever think of inviting me?

Just because I am titled you girlfriend doesn't mean I will not let you do things. I can not "let" you do anything.

I don't think shopping is a sport. I think it is shopping. And I enjoy it because it lifts my self esteem to buy something new that I might feel attractive in. So I might be able to compete with the women in Victoria Secret who have been airbrushed and computer created to become an unreachable goal for me to aspire to.

If I am a strong independant woman I am not a bitch or a dyke. I am a strong independant woman. I'm sorry if that scares you and you need to call me names to find agreement within your testosterone community that I am unworthy of being loved by a man and that is why I found power.

If I enjoy sex, even crazy kinky sex, that does not make me a nympho or a slut. It makes me a woman in touch with my sexuality and whose fucking business is it anyways? I have urges too.

Whistling at me or telling me that you find women like me, that you can't figure out, strangely attractive is not going to make me want to get to know you.

If I love women it is not because I'm not good enough to find a man. I love women. And no you can't watch.

If I think I am fat it is just because I have been made to believe through society and media that annorexic women are beautiful. So if you would stop reinforcing that women with fake boobs are extremely desirable maybe I would stop feeling like I'm not.

Maybe short hair isn't attractive because women who have short hair have power, and self esteem and don't need to hide behind what men find attractive.

I don't cry to blackmail you. I cry because I am angry or sad or frustrated. Try listening to me and understanding me.

Don't tell me I am ruled by my hormones and that is why I don't cope well with life. Can you honestly tell me that men aren't ruled by their hormones?? I bend down to pick something up and every man in the room looks at my ass. I yawn and the guy in the car beside me starts phantasizing about a hummer? Ogling is not genetic, it is learned and it is degrading.

Is it too much to expect that you might remember things that are important to me? Only to avoid doing things that cause us pain. Even if the second Tuesday of every month is my favourite day, if you love me, maybe you would remember that and say "Happy Tuesday!"

Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I don't know how to change my oil or what an alternator does or how many points a touchdown is. And I do know how to play poker. Don't assume anything.

If you are not going to do something, don't tell me you are going to do it and I won't be disappointed. Isn't that easy?

A woman's body is not what you have learned it is. It is soft, it is round, it has ripples, it has bulges, it has dimples, it sags, it wrinkles, it is beautiful. I should feel I am beautiful.

---

A serious and honest response to both sides of the issue. From a man. (for what it's worth).

The first post was in jest. It needs to be taken that way. It makes some good points in a humorous fashion and anyone thin skinned enough to be offended by it might be guilty of some of the things listed there.

I can just about attest to many of the things listed in the first post being true. Sure some are exaggerated, some are off the mark, but many true.

HONEST RESPONSES TO BOTH SIDES FROM ONE GUY WITH A MOSTLY LEVEL HEAD

Guy Statement: If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

Response: Come on, if you are going to ask us that, publish somewhere the right answer. Every guy either knows by now or will know after 2 times of being asked that question that neither answer is the 'right' answer.

Girl Statement: If I think I am fat it is just because I have been made to believe through society and media that annorexic women are beautiful. So if you would stop reinforcing that women with fake boobs are extremely desirable maybe I would stop feeling like I'm not.

Response: I've never given someone fake boobs. I don't even like huge boobs, or at least not over small ones. Boobs are great, big or small, I like 'em all! .... So basically, all I'm askin' is what is the right answer?

Girl Statement: No matter how hard you try women are not all the same. We don't want the same things, we don't think the same, we don't all cry to much and suck dick too little.

Response: The fact is most women cry more than most men. I don't know if it's genetic or learned, that's not my specialty. Read a book about it if you want to find out more. I just know that every girlfriend I've ever had has cried in my presence, and I haven't cried in the presence of a girlfriend. I've had a wide variety of girlfriends, one from about every spot on the spectrum. I know they don't all think the same, but believe it or not women more or less have several characteristics common to all other women I've met. I think it's safe to call it a fact of life.

Guy Statement: If you won't/don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Response: I think that's fair, don't you? I won't have unreasonable expectations if you don't!

Girl Statement: Just because I have sex with you does not mean I am going to call you everyday, stalk you and want to marry you. If you think this way you are probably not worth my time anyway. Sometimes I need to just have sex too.

Response: Great! Give me a call!

Girl Statement: When you don't get a job only because you HAVE a penis, and you ARE white, you can complain about how difficult it is to be a white man these days.

Response: Ok. I probably won't complain anymore because the 90's are over, politics are swinging back to the conservative side and making life easier for us again, and most importanly, it's not quite so societally requisite to maintain that impossible standard of being the semi-macho-sensitive 90's guy!

Girl Statement: Just because you go to see the strippers doesn't mean I'm going to turn into Psycho Sally and scream about why you don't find me sexy and how come I don't turn you on......did you ever think of inviting me?

Response: Do you want to go to a strip club with me this weekend? Seriously though, most chicks I've dated are more possesive than the stereotypical guy. Strip clubs for spoken-for men are still not en-vogue, unfortunately.

Girl Statement: Just because I am titled you girlfriend doesn't mean I will not let you do things. I can not "let" you do anything.

Response: Once again, I gotta fall back on experience here. Sure, you may not say anything about something, but you store that point against me for doing it away. You store it and don't talk about it. And then one day you break up with me and list a million points that I scored in the negative column, leave the note on my doorstep, and I don't hear from you again.

Guy Statmenet: Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

Girl Response: I don't think shopping is a sport. I think it is shopping. And I enjoy it because it lifts my self esteem to buy something new that I might feel attractive in. So I might be able to compete with the women in Victoria Secret who have been airbrushed and computer created to become an unreachable goal for me to aspire to.

Response: Of coures *you* don't think it's a sport. But you try to make us think it'll be a sport. And it's not. We've played that game before, and it's just not as fun for us as it is for you. Unless it's shopping for gadgets. Like RadioShack or Fries Electronics. That's fun.

Girl Statment:If I love women it is not because I'm not good enough to find a man. I love women. And no you can't watch.

Response: Please? It'll be fun!

Guy Statement: Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Girl Response: Maybe short hair isn't attractive because women who have short hair have power, and self esteem and don't need to hide behind what men find attractive.

Response: Dude, consult your hairdresser on this. And take his/her advice. Short hair isn't for everyone. I am not the judge of this.

Guy Statement: Crying is blackmail.

Girl Response: I don't cry to blackmail you. I cry because I am angry or sad or frustrated. Try listening to me and understanding me.

Response: Maybe *you* don't, but some of my girlfriends did. And that's a fact.

Girl Staetment:Don't tell me I am ruled by my hormones and that is why I don't cope well with life. Can you honestly tell me that men aren't ruled by their hormones?? I bend down to pick something up and every man in the room looks at my ass. I yawn and the guy in the car beside me starts phantasizing about a hummer? Ogling is not genetic, it is learned and it is degrading.

Response: I think the fact is that all people who have hormones are ruled to a certain extent by them. Mind over matter is great and all, but in practice doesn't work as well as in theory.

Guy Statement: No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries, birthdays and other events you want us to remember on the calendar. That increases the chance we'll remember by 50%.

Girl Response: Is it too much to expect that you might remember things that are important to me? Only to avoid doing things that cause us pain. Even if the second Tuesday of every month is my favourite day, if you love me, maybe you would remember that and say "Happy Tuesday!"

Response: Yes. It is too much. Literally, I don't know what day it is. Is it Monday? Is it Saturday? I don't know, man, I just work here. For the record, one reason guys will never remember that his girlfriends favorite day of the month is the second tuesday is because guys would never have a favorite day of the month, unless you are talking about payday (or if their office has it, casual sex day).

Girl Statement: Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I don't know how to change my oil or what an alternator does or how many points a touchdown is. And I do know how to play poker. Don't assume anything.

Response: Because that just makes an ass out of you and me. heheheh.

Girl Statement: If you are not going to do something, don't tell me you are going to do it and I won't be disappointed. Isn't that easy?

Response: Not if you are going to pout about it all day.

Girl Statement: A woman's body is not what you have learned it is. It is soft, it is round, it has ripples, it has bulges, it has dimples, it sags, it wrinkles, it is beautiful. I should feel I am beautiful.

Response: And it has nipples, which rhymes with ripples, and sort of rhymes with dimples.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Err...not fun. Somedau I hope yo move to Texas and makeout with all the guys in in Crackbaby and RIzzn'"
-Drunk Kat

you BASTARD!

Dear Diary,

You know what? It doesn't bother me that no one accepts me into the old school diarylander's club. Doesn't bother me one bit.

By the way, I'm back from chicago. it was fun. today isn't. film at 11.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Any of you calling me a bastard can just stop your claims right there. I *do* have a daddy"

- crackbaby

You have an error

twain train brain crane rain spain! (that was yesterday!)

Dear Diary,

Today I recieved a forward from somebody. Read it. Then read my comments.

THE TWO YEAR DEGREE
A new two-year degree is being offered
at the University that many of you should be interested
in.
Becoming a Real Man. That's
right, in just six trimesters, you,
too, can be a real man-as well as earn an MA degree (Male
Arts).
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101       Combating Stupidity
MEN 102       You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103       PMS - Learn When to Keep Your mouth shut
MEN 104       Women Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110       Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111       Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112       Parenting: it Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100       Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101       Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A     What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120        How NOT to Act Like a 'Butt Face' When You're Wrong
MEN 121        Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122        YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123        Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001B      What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101         You CAN Fall Asleep without it
SEX 102         Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103         How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201         How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective          (See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210        The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211        How not to Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212        You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213        Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A       Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220        Omitting '%&*!' from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221        Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222        Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223        Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B       Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2
Course Electives:
EAT 101        Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102        Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103        Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231        Mothers-in-law
MEN 232        Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233        Just Say "Yes Dear"
ECON 001C      Cheaper to Keep Her

Ummm.., ok, did it say "Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man-as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts)."

I think it's that real man part that gets me. To me this sounds like more liberal though process infiltration into our nations school and university system. If you take these classes you will become the pansy assed "Man of the 90's." This man was heroicised for his ability to 'be macho and still sensitive' or some liberal crap like that.

Guess what? The 90's are OVER! ha HA! what do you think about that? The men of the 2000's won't stand for this crap any longer, nosiree. We are manly men, who can do manly things, and never worry about the toilet seat being down.

I mean really.... tofu?

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "For example, I would strain for a glimpse of the curving blue and white loading dock of the little Broughton warehouse on eighth - then turn around quicklike to catch a glimpse of the rapidly receding little railroad bridge at the end of a single, lonely siding along the great wide swath of track that cuts our town absolutely in twain."
- lizzyfer

Spank and Thank the Implementation Meeting!

Dear Diary,

I so very much want to write a serious entry today, yet I don't know if I have it in me.

So I guess I will write about the meeting yesterday.

A little bit of corrective pointing out to do from Crackbaby's entry: they were called producers, not directors.

But anyways, it was pretty much like he said. It was an atypical implimentation meeting in that the producers head honcho was present, and our fearless proxy leader Tonte was there, kinda post toasty roasty from the adult beverages he drank at lunch.

It went on for an HOUR. It usually is like about 15 minutes to 45 minutes long and and is quite jovial. This time, their head honcho producer lady Ann Chastain, who is about as cool as her name sounds, kept redirecting the conversation into the muck and mire of redundancy.

Again and again we speak about the same things, I write in my notes: "Make is sound important." and "2 many words."

What else did we come away with? A start to a good FAQ!

Q: What does the Spiderman say?
A:"Do your job!"

Q: What does the Flower say?
A:"Yay happy!"

as well as the Thunderbolt of Logic, Bugs are "badt"!, I am a bug and I am guhrate! (squish), as well as Crackbaby's definative implementation process flowchart, sounds simple yet simple minds are unable to handle.

Oh yeah, and my action item. On work order number 0748, I needed to write a sentence about why the work order was cancelled.

What a well spent hour that was for me. Abounding productivity! Happyness to be had by all! and World PEACE!

Or something.

Grub grub grub grub grub grub Grub grub grub grub grub grub Grub grub grub grub grub grub!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry:"Spanking and thanking should be seperate."
-uzume

bouncing baby quarters on Spanish Day!

Dear la Diaria,

Today is Spanish day. For I decree it.

On this day you will think fondly upon the Spanish and all the wonderful things they gave us for at least 3 and 1/2 minutes.

Think about, um, the Spanish Armada! and umm, the Conquistadors! yeah!

oh and 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!'

(theme from jeopardy plays)

Ok times up.

/rizzn

Quote of the entry: "bliss is special she has an encyclopedic knowledge base of facts which are eclectic yet usefull. and shes got an ass you can bounce quarters off of. "
- dread

Do you want to *dance*?

Dear Diary,

This letter to you, diary, is a result of reading Malkavia's entry today.

Apparently she is getting laid off as is everyone in her office. In 6 months.

I was going to talk about how crappily I got laid off last time I got laid off, but I hated that job anyways, so it really is a moot point.

However I have come to the conlusion that Malk shouldn't worry about what her next job should be. She should make a move for the corporate world. Crackbaby and I had this discussion on the way home from work yesterday. A discussion that causes me to amend my theory on college.

My original theory is thus: no one needs to go to college. college is a crock of sh!t that wastes your money and time the you could be using to be more ahead of the game in the real world.

Now my theory is this: go ahead! go to college! All it does is make me look better that everyone around me went to college and is performing the same job I am doing, except they suck at it. Plus it will make it easy for me to impliment my evil plan.

Infiltrate Corporate America.

It's really easy, I don't understand why no one has done it before.

Corporate americans don't do anything. Look at me and Crackbaby. We jack off with both hands for eight hours a day and get paid 50k a year for it. The way I figure (and I have it on good authority that this is true), people managing people who don't do anything must do even less.

So why am I here getting paid a measly 50k a year with no people to boss around when I can be getting paid 185k a year and have up to 80 people to boss around ... for doing nothing.

It's all about fabrication on your resume.

Literally, diary, I'm not joking around here. All you gotta be able to do is play the mind games, that are called 'politics'*. And trust me diary, it's not hard.

So don't worry where your next job is going to be. Just go thru the paper, go thru monster, pick something with a majorly high salary, make sure it has to do with management, and you are set for an easy ride.

---

*poli - tics : poli comes from the greek root word for many, and of course tics as we all know are blood sucking arachnids.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: I am not *frumple*.

- Arilouis aka Crackbaby.

Noggin ouchies

Dear Diary,

I'm not going to mention who I got this idea from because frankly if that person read what I think about it, they might get offended.

But to think that one should be proud that one has simply survived another day? Ha!

The world is populated with billions of people who simply survive. What good are they? What impact do they have on your life?

You can't tell me because you don't know.

These people simply surviving from day to day are so self interested in their own preservation that they don't concern themselves with helping their fellow man.

These same people who are so concerned about their self-preservation are the ones who preach about the undying nature of the Human Spirit.

Bah!

"I believe in human creativity."

Yeah sure, I can agree with that.

"I believe in human capacity."

Ambiguous, but hard to disagree with for that reason.

"I believe in the human mind."

Yep. It exists as well.

"I believe in the human spirit."

I believe we are inherently evil. A tendency towards the easy things in life, which is pleasure of ones self. Selfishness. Which by virtue of its existance leads to placing the cares of others behind your own. If you care at all about others.

"I believe in the ultimate beauty of the human soul."

No way. Not at all. Ultimate beauty of something which serves itself? Unless priorities are placed upon by an outside third pary of perfection to complete the soul, nothing truly good can come from a single human. Intermittant acts of goodness motivated by what is essentially greed can occur, but goodness and beauty cannot come from within.

"I believe in humanity."

Well, I believe it exists, anyway.

I dunno man. What do I know.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "for this rizzn i firmly bring down the hammer o' crushing pain (tm) on your noggin ."

- dread

Basketball pumps up my ass.

Dear Mr. Diary,

Mr. Diary, you are almost one year old! Do you realize what this means? You are one year old in human years, 7 years old in dog years, and 420 years old in fruit fly years! I think that this should make you quite happy.

For a refreshing look at a neophyte's take on the corporate world, see my roommate's words for the day.

Excuse me, Jaime Garcia, the man who can't configure a com port, asks me to send him a 'special email.' Be right back.

Back now.

For those who email me, I'm sorry I haven't replied. Y'see, my buddie pally good old friend Ferrill (partner in Nutshell) decided to send our URL to a submission engine that SPAMS me with over 200 messages of CRAP a day.

So I miss messages, understandably.

So mark you messages HEY YOU DUMBBUTT RIZZN READ THIS! so I can read them.

I have a cell phone finally. For a week, I guess.

Y'think, working for a cell phone manufacturer .. not just any of them, but the Top Selling manufacturer NOKIA I might get a phone before 3 months of working with the company.

But no. I get one. On loan. After 3 months. For a week.

Heh... ohwell.

Oh, did I mention, that it only works inside the building?

Neet, eh?

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "What eludes me is what exactly did I think they were thinking before that? That someone shoved a basketball pump up my ass and blew me up a few pants sizes? "

- malkavia
[ed: sorry malk, with something like that in your diary, you can't expect it not to make qoe]

a bunch of stuff that says not a bunch

dear diary,

How are you this day?

I'm doing quite well, thank you.

I'm all moved in to my cubicle upstairs now, not in my office anymore. Sigh.

But on the other hand, I do have my own computer and telephone line. So all you peoples who want to call me can call me now. I'll try to find a toll-free number. :)

I am doing jack shiznit now. All my projects are over, there is no boss in site, and I'm just surfing the internet all day.

That's what I do. I get paid 50k a year to surf the web. Yay happy.

I think that I shall now go setup my laptop and play icewind dale.

For the record, *rawr* i think is how you describe kelly's new layout, right?

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Okay, so that little outburst yesterday was quite unecessary. I think I need a doctor. Anywho, we are for real feeling functional today. Yippee!"

- kat

The entry in which rizzn defends himself and updates you on his life.

Dear Diary,

Apparently I am mean. Sorry.

Well, I finally pretty much finished my ringtone project. So I am back to jacking off for 8 hours a day. And the other day Crackbaby and I did the happy muthafugga dance when we learned of his hire at my company.

I'm kinda going to be his boss. *snigger*. This is going to be funny.

I'm really the only programmer around here that admits to knowing anything but Java, so anyone who programs will be assigned to me.

Which reminds me to tell you .. I'm not sure if I let you folks know I was going to go to Finland. YEah, they had me scheduled to go there and learn from some phone engineers and stuff with my company (Nokia). But they cancelled my trip.

But yesterday due to a presentation I gave about how bad ass I was at programming by myself on my project, I earned a day off for the whole team on my project. So any day we want, we can just take a day off.

So like, either next friday or the friday afterwards, we are going to head out to Chicago, the Blackman and I to take care of some of *my* company's business.

Which reminds me, I own a hosting company. If you want to be on it, I can hook you up with some really cheap rates. I think I'm going to come up with a d'lander rate for some stripped down domain name stuff.

Go to here and check out our NappyAssTempHomePage (TM) that we have up until the real site is done (we hired a company to do our corporate image thing -- expect to see commercials in a few months).

If the prices are too high or something, or if you want other services, give me an email an i'll hook you up.

--- end commercial ---

So if anyone wants to see what rizzn looks like in chicago, um, meet me there and I'll show you. or you'll see, and run away screaming. or something.

anyway, I'm going to walk around with papers in my hands until the next meeting so people think I'm busy.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Something's boring me. I think it's me."

- kat

Robots will destroy the humanoids. The humanoids will not destroy the robots.

Dear Diary,

Yay freakin happy. What big news could Diaryland have of interest to me? Are they going to send a pretty girl to my aid of my every desire? I think not.

I was sitting in my friend Josh's car the other day, driving back from Taco Bell, staring at the ice cold cup of mountain dew in my hands, and noticing that the "other" tab was pushed down.

Have you ever wondered what the other tab means?

A couple friends of mine and I did, and I think we finally figured it out. A couple friends from the ol' home town and I were on vacation in Colorado once, and we noted that my buddy Jeff always drinks beverages marked 'other' and he always has to piss. I mean always. He has the bladder retention of a 90 year old. Or a 3 year old depending on how you look at it.

So other must mean piss.

So I smiled as I rode home drinking an Ice Cold Cup o' Other.

I hope that makes you remember me and Jeff next time you get a soft drink. :)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Oh wait... I'm not really after that. I keep forgetting, though I may get the hooker for Phitt, who's continued obsession with Packets of Vagina are deemed to be unhealthy by Surgeon Generals across the world."

- crackbaby

Bonus Quote of the Entry: "Jesus tastes like chicken."

- dirty a sid's little 2 year old kid mattie, God save her soul.