Friday, December 29, 2000

Being Louis has its benefits

Dear Diary,

I think to get the proper amount of sleep from now on I need to start going to bed around 7 pm and wake up at 8am. I dunno. I'm sleepy all the time.

Anyways.

I was in a pisser of a mood this morning. My mom had sent me this stupid Dilbert cartoon making fun of me, and then I was all tired and pissed off at the world and I was all congested.

Then crackbaby gave me some decongestant.

And assured me that I could get some maguritas after work, no problem.

And suddenly (after a power nap), the day seemed all better!

So rest assured, I'm not going to turn into one of those whiney goth diary writing beeatches that you get tired of reading. I'm just going thru some changes right now and I need you all to be real understanding and .... heheh.. just kidding. I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

We are thinking about making one of roommates a bitch and becoming peeumps. Okay, well, it's phitt. It'd be funny, he already has the being effeminate part down, I guess. Just needs the equiptment.

Earning a Rock-Tha-Fsck-On from Crackbaby, I'm now quitting while I'm ahead.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I guess being Louis has it's benefits. "
- crackbaby

Thursday, December 28, 2000

Don't take no Crap from Dilbert

Dear Diary,

Blah blah blah.

Three simple words can sum up the day up until now. How can so much ice evaporate in so little time. I'm really unhappy about the whole deal. I've finally caught everyone else's in the apartment's sinus infection just as I was about to get over my cold, but because of my weakened immune system currently because of said cold, I caught it, so now I am a veritable snot fountain.

Great.

And then CBL comes up and slaps me on the back of the head for not asking him to go down with him on a smoke. ouch.

So now my brain hurts. How's that for a condition?

Last night I went and played in the chuck-e-cheese playtown equiptment, you know, the colorful tubes and slides and pools of balls. (That sounds really sick when you take it out of context, I'm sure. Pools of balls).

But I have adorned my office a bit more. I now have a Kenshin calendar in Japanese, and a Vash the Stampede action figure on my desk. I now have identified myself as the anime guy in the office to anyone who knows these characters.

Which is Crackbaby. and me. Gosh our office is so lame.

I have been feeling especially drained of energy lately. I need to kick this cold, but I think it's getting better now. I hope it hasn't mutated into something incurable. I want to be famous, sure, but not for being a breeding ground for disease.

Rizzn, the walking plague. heh.

They decided to make me put forth a nominal effort today. It seems I'm HTML bitch today. I get to layout pages.

This is the sort of thing that made me quit my last webmastering job.

I saw an offer on monster that was for like $75,000 bucks to do WML. WML, for those who don't know, is Wireless Markup Language. It's the crap that comes up on your fone when you surf the web unless you have a baddass Nokia 9000 like me.

It's the easiest markup language there is. The manual is like 3 pages long. Ridiculous.

I might take the job, but I really don't want to be bored out of my skull.

Or I might take this job being a VB programmer for 100k a year.

Challenge my brain a bit and double my salary.

Someone was talkign about developing for Sun here in the metroplex up at work, doing VB for Sun work for $100k+.

I might do that.

All I know is that my salary, however nice it may be, is apparently cutting my worth in half. Grr..

Maybe I should just stick it out and clean up my appearance and go into management. I could do that. All you have to do is act stupid all the time.

I swear if I read another Dilbert cartoon, I'll hurt someone. Too much representation of real life. But maybe I'm looking for an excuse to hurt someone.

Rizzn is in a pissy mood, can you tell?

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Don't take no crap from nobody."
- Norm MacDonald's dad in Dirty Work

Saturday, December 23, 2000

A Very Neil Diamond Christmas

Dear Diary,

I just found an interesting rumor on the net today that makes me smile!

Neil Diamond may be putting out some new music! He's supposed to be on the soundtrack for Saving Silverman. So if anyone wants to get that for my birthday (January 9), it should be out then.

I also read that the former bandmember for Neil Diamond, Randy Cierly-Sterling has his own web page now: go to it here and read about his rough life. He's paralyzed from the waste down now and it's a sad sad state of affairs.

I'm dehydrated this morning from a hard night of drinking two maguritas last night, and am in search of some beverages this morning and not finding any. So sad.

Actually I'm just killing time till my mobile fone charges up and then I'm going to hit the road and get some errands done. I can do this now, because I have a car, and am no longer bound to the whims of others!!! it rulez.

Oh, and also I just found out about Neil Diamond: Columbia Records just renewed his contract up until 2010. He's signed on until he dies, I would imagine!

I think I am going to get my mom a Neil Diamond CD for Christmas just because she is the only person in the WORLD who likes him more than I. Awesome. I love early morning musings.

I'm going to go see my adopted niece tonight. I haven't seen her since she was 18 months old and now she's 6 years old. She doesn't even remember me. That's a crazy thought, but hey, it should prove interesting.

Christmas time is a fun time. I don't care what anyone else says. Things happen at this time of year that never happen any other time. It is at least cool for that reason alone.

I'm rambling. I'll sign off now..

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Hmm..what else of non-relevance can I think to include in this hodgepodge entry?"
- kelly

Friday, December 22, 2000

Sucky Sucky (day) from Ol' Tiamat

Dear Diary,

What's new? Me and this Chinese lady are the only people at work today I think. Crackbaby didn't come, he got sick.

What have I done lately? Not update, that's for sure. Heheh, sorry. Lack of motivation to do ... anything ... way too apparent lately. They say that's a sign of depression, but I don't think I'm depressed. I don't think I'm really much of anything besides apathetic or something.

I went and registered holgersheroes.com in honor of our dear team leader Holger Greif (sounds like grife not greef - however, the prior would be more appropriate than the former).


hours later ...


That was a good nap. I've really got to start watching my naptimes more carefully. People are starting to notice. Dangit.

It would be neat if I could start getting more sleep at night. What a concept. I feel like I've been walking around like a zombie, lately.

In other news, I got a car Tuesday, and it looks really pimp for what it is .. it's a 1990 Buick LeSabre, in pristine condition.

I was just told by the president (of our company), even though he and I are the only people here, I need to stay until 3:00 because a very important client is coming over and he at least wants to show some staff. Maybe this will be a chance for me to kiss up and look important. Perhaps I shouldn't nap for a while.

:: song in my head : cracklin' rose (you make me smile) by neil diamond ::


several more hours later


Just got back from Whopper Land. I have been chatting with Skunk_Girl, who has pretty much moved on to a pitas journal instead of a d*land diary. That OK, just go and abandon us.

OH well.

Well, after my naps, my lunch, and my smoke... I have all this energy, and nothing to do with it. Maybe I should go bother someone else and prevent them from looking busy.

Audi 5000

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Now let me preface the rest of this with a little rant since everyone seems to be in the rant mode as of late i wont bore you with how special my rants are or how fierce i am in aspect when i recite them. lets just say that Tiamat himself would be ready to give me a little sucky sucky if he saw my face during one of these little moments."
- dread

Sunday, December 17, 2000

Things I do for fun.

Dear Diary,

Well, I updated the TXDiarylander's page. In case you weren't aware, I made a little site on my new domain that is for people in TX on Diaryland to congregate (hence the name). It has a little message board feature on it now so we can talk to each other in a manner other than say email or something. It allows HTML, so you are able to fugg it up pretty badly if you want, as well.

What did I do this weekend. Well besides get pissed off at both the Sims and Red Alert 2, and work on my scripts, not much.

I ordered some pizza just now. I'm fairly hungry and could use nourishment.

I eat now. I talk here later. Bubye!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I'm sure everyone will be making fun of me on Monday. Hooo-ray. I kept asking Tim if I made an ass out of myself. He said I wasn't tooooo bad.
Course he was just happy because he got a blow job on the way home."
- reality

Saturday, December 16, 2000

My New Song. Is Great.

[rizzn's note @ 1/19/2007: this song is no longer available on TraxInSpace's label. You can now find it on the most recent CD in the music section Soundtrack to My Car]

Dear Diary,

I added a new song to my collection last night. Bradley the roommate and I decided to remix a song from my past. Please go download it and if you have time click on the review section and write a comment.

Tell me what you think of my redeaux. (sorry it isn't Britney Spears).

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "and there i stand. before you. naked. nothing on. except for the knee high boots."
- ladiebug

Friday, December 15, 2000

Hype and Suck

Dear Diary,

Today was a sh!tty day.

We went out for lunch, Buzzkill Will, Crackbaby, Ferrill and I. (that's will's new name now, btw)

We all smoked out. Probably for the last time. BKW decided he was going to bitch about not getting high on his J, and then he proceded to bitch about how he's mr. big man and doesn't want to get in trouble by smoking at work or talking at work.

So the rest of the day we spent in complete silence. I have to office with this fscker. I thought he was cool and all. I guess not.

Gahh, this stupid house mix is crap in my ears. Must change now.

Ahh better, Neil Diamond. Cracklin rose, you do make me smile.

You got the way to make me happy. Cracklin rose your a store bought woman, but you make me hum like a guitar strummin. Play it now bayyy beee!

Well, anyways, other than that and everyone suddenly wanting to quit at work, nothing big happenned today.

I'm still happy with my $9000 raise and $2100 bonus. Life is good in that respect.

Yes. I'm boasting.

I'm out.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "My day at work, unfortunately, was not all it was cracked up to be from the start, and it wasn't given any hype. "
- crackbaby

Tuesday, December 12, 2000

nogginmango drunkparty funhappity

Dear Diary,

Crazy night at the company party. You know the things that movies are made of? You know, the ones that your mom watch about husbands that cheat on wives. At say company Christmas parties?

Hehe, our boss and the Russian chick at work.

Yep we spied them getting it on in the car next to us. Of course we were smoking out at the time. Heheh.

Our fun of course started at lunch time, when we went out to get adult beverages and burgers.

We then smoked out on the way to the company meeting. I then drank during the meeting. Then I proceeded to drink after the company meeting, during the actual party. And then we drove to the office, smoking out. Then we sat and watched our boss and the russian chick get it on. Then I came to sit down here and type it out.

At the company meeting, our president was high, and our vp was drunk. Have you ever met a drunk Pakistani? It's a fscking riot. (not as much funny about a stoned jew, our president, but a drunk pakistani vp is funny - no offense, just personal opinion).

Our team lead got real serious on us for a minute talking about our bitching that we recieved earlier last week. Sort of an "I love you man, no man, really I love you man," wayne and garth type moment.

Our German project manager guy scared us by talking about killing little children on planes and then smiling about it.

There probably some other scary moments of the night that I don't currently remember just because the night seemed a bit hazy. And I think that's what everyone there I can think of is hopiing for. Hazy memories tomorrow. Cuz it's only Monday, and we gotta go to work tomorrow!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "say it maaannnngggooooo"

- Dread

Friday, December 8, 2000

Cotten Candy, I said. Whazzup I cried.

Dear Diary...

I just downloaded a bunch of Neil Diamond music and had fun riding the train to downtown and back.

I like intellectual discourse.

It's amazing how similar in integral ways two people can be and yet be such starkly different individuals. There are so many variances in what makes a human that two with even genetically identical structures could never have the same personality and thought process. That makes us special.

Anyways, I got to most the emails I think. Accounts on Whazzup are still available.

And I love listening to Neil Diamond.

I am, I cried,

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Yes, I am so hot....that I shit cotton candy!
- goldenmonkey

Wednesday, December 6, 2000

Ohh, man, put that arm down.

Dear Diary,

Sorry that I've been MIA the last few days. I bought a game called Shen Mue (shen moo) and it has taken up my life just like the commercial says. However I finished it and my life can now proceed like normal.

It basically is like playing an episodic story/cartoon/movie or something -- miniseries I guess -- about this boy who is essentially a Samurai. This is who I want to be. Ryo Huruki.

So in my first step to be a samurai, I bought a shirt with my *other* favorite samurai on it, Rouroni Ken-shin.

At any rate, the story follows his day to day life from November 23, 1986 to January 8, 1987 (it could possibly be later, that's just how many days of game time it took for me to finish)... At any rate, it follows this boy's life after his father is killed in a Chinese gang related killing. His dad was killed by a Chinese gang leader named Lan Di in a karate battle.

Ryo was there to witness it and vowed vengence for his father against Lan Di.

If you own a Dreamcast you need to get this game, I'm not kidding.

Buy a Dreamcast if you don't have one. Just for this game.

Anyway, the story had all it's little twists and turns and Ryo starts growing into this little badass. Plus he has this little romantic interest on the side, it's all very touching. Tug on the heartstrings and still kick the bad guy's butts type game. Typical quality RPG material.

The level of detail is what really seals the deal on this game. If it were just the story that was badass, it might be somewhat easier to put the game down at the end of the day, but what has kept me up till 4 am every night playing the game is the fact that I really feel like I become this guy, y'know. You see everything he does, you train your skills, you wake up in the morning, you feed the kitten (you raise a kitty in the game as well).

Good stuff.

And best of all it's only the first of 6 chapters. They are coming out with more soon.

Anyways, that's what I've been doing. Now that I've finished the game, I'm going to check out the bonus CD then I'm probably going back to work on whazzup.org in my spare time.

Which reminds me, I have two new features on the site. One is TXDiarylanders, which kindof makes fun of Diaryland and TXRavers in a lighthearted non insulting way, two things I belong to on the internet. Also it's a place for people who live in Texas to identify themselves so we know where each other is and stuff.

Also I have this message board thing I'm not sure what I'm going to do with yet.

Post some ideas on it. Or something. An. Stuff.

I wanna be a big star. I wanna have groupies. I think that would be fun, for a while at least.

I think me email account at work got deleted. I seem to be unable to get mail from any location anymore. Hrmm.

Send me mail. I promise today I'll respond to the mail I have. If you promise to send me more. Send it to my shoutmail account since I seem to be unable to set up a working email server for whazzup. (sorry). I'm still working on it.

Hey me amigos. You need to have an account on whazzup to be cool. So send me an email and I'll get you an account on it.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "The page cannot be displayed"

- crackbaby

Saturday, December 2, 2000

Don't wear underwear you java programmers.

Dear Diary,

I just got back from work.

Yes, it's Saturday.

And I just got back from work. And not only did I just get back from work on a Saturday, I worked more on this Saturday then I do on most weekdays. Explain that to me!

Essentially my weekend was stolen from me. And guess who stole it from me. Just take a guess. Come on. I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

No, not the Hamburgler.

No, it wasn't Lacey the Fruitfly. Who the hell is that?

Okay fine, I'll tell you as you are obviously on the wrong track. It's those freaking Java programmers.

They keep screwing me after they've even left the company! They fscked up their side of the program so much that the whole thing needs a rewrite ... and the program goes into production on Tuesday.

Needless to say, we stripped a lot of functionality out of the program.

A lot.

Which makes me look bad and everything. Because my program is just a backend to that. It's the face on my program. They screwed it up. Aarrrghth..

Okay. Pleasant thoughts.

I got to meet mangledoll this weekend. She's cool as shit. She needs to hang out with us more. 'nuff said.

Hrmm.. what else. I'm really tired and I need a nap. However, booradley's birthday blowout part 2 awaits. He's 21 now, you know. *evil grin*.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Isn't It About Time You Gave Up Underwear? (TM)
- Slogan from National Commando Day

MAtties tent!

Dear Diary.

Tent. yeah there are monsters in the tent, like the jumping bean.

jump jump jump jumping... jumping jumping!

bwaaaah!

a story. i wanna tent. gotta get a tent.

i can't eat the mangledoll bracelet. it's really hard to eat it.

and that's it.

love mattie

Friday, December 1, 2000

Barbie's Wish List

Barbie's Letter To Santa:





Dear Santa,



Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 2000 Santa.

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off.

Preferably white.

What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man... maybe GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and

me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist,just get it done.

6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it.

How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 00'persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie,"

complete with a

miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie," with my very own paint gun, fitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years - I think I deserve it.

Okay Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line.

If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas.

It's that simple.



Yours Truly,

Barbie

rebut dis but

Dear Diary,

This is an excerpt from a Reuters news article:\


During the arguments, the justices did not say how they would rule in Bush's appeal aimed at taking away hundreds of hand-counted votes that could help Gore win. The justices by their questions appeared closely divided on the issues.


Don't try to tell me that media isn't biased.

That should have read:


During the arguments, the justices did not render a decision on Bush's appeal to take the standard vote count as opposed to Gore's mandated hand recounts, as to interrupt the arguments and render a decision so would be deviation from 200 years of supreme court practices.


Basically, that paragraph was thrown in to get a dig on Bush, from what I can tell.

Stupid media stupids.

Not like I really care about Bush or anything, but I hate it when idiots who work in the press use the platform they have to report to turn it into their own soapbox. It's not what they are hired to do... they have editorialists for that crap. Not what you are supposed to do with a front page article.

Idiots.

I'm just pissed because I'm sick as a dog, my car got towed yesterday, and i had to pay 500 bucks to get my cel fone turned on.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Anyway, sorry about that, regular readers, I had to rebut."
- reality

[ed: heh .. rebut.]

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

Boom goes the daisy flower having sex with ...

Dear Diary,

I write to you at the request of Kat. Hi!

We've been working on our webpages at the Whazzup Compound as we now call it.

Ok, only I call it that.

But check it out. Last link on the main page. Lots of crack headed graphics to be had by all.

And in other news, I have been listening to my own homebrew soundtrack to Star Controll II. I like it muchly. It calms and isolates me.

I'm making many new friends lately. I have been talking on chat programs like I just discovered the internet. Which is cool since I don't go out much anymore. But I like talking to: Kat, Celine, and Ladiebug. They are cool. Also Snobunny and Kel when they come online.


Once there was this kewt leedle butterfly who flew from one end of a daisy field to the other... mainly because she considered the daisy the most beautiful flower.

One day the kewt butterfly ordered some pizza pizza from little ceasar the fifth. She promptly ate it and discovered that she forgot to iron her pants! What a tragedy. They were covered with and filled with her honey!

So she put the honey in a cup and ...

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "it's like a tuesday or friday night and you're having sex and not paying that much attention to it and them something happens from there and it's done, you breakup or something."
- reality

Monday, November 27, 2000

Poke the Runic Stones

Dear Diary,

I have assigned myself to figure something out.

I am somewhat a fan of language. I am not super good at learning new ones, I am mediocre, I guess you would say. However, I really admire language, and what it can tell you about a culture and such things.

Well, naturally that makes me a big fan of J.R.R. Tolkien's writings and life, really. One of the best linguists in history really. Really knew his stuff.

The brief history on Tolkien that many people don't know. Tolkien, when he was growing up, learned with his mother 7 languages, fluently, written and oral. This is before he's even in like middle school or whatever the equivalent is.

So he goes to University (Oxford), knowing like 12 (and three dead languages) languages or something, and they don't have one he can learn available, and he is majoring in linguistics (Doctorate program or something). So after he demonstrated his command of the language, and they were all like, sh!t, we can't teach you anything. How about you come up with a language and we'll give you a doctorate in linguistics.

So he writes two, for the fun of it.

One of his favorite languages or maybe more accurately, one of his more commonly known languages was the version of runic he created that became the dwarven language in the Lord of the Rings series.

Yet in all I have read, Tolkien or otherwise, I haven't found a single reference for how the runic alphabet (futhark) actually have a religious meaning.

The most common theory is that the language originated from the middle eastern area.. either the turks or a semite country. These are the languages that the futhark resemble most in history around the time of the origin of the language as best as scholars can divine.

The only other prevailing theory is that it came much later, and was primarily influenced by the Latin alphabet.

Either way, they originated A.D. not having to do with ancient Norse history as is usually indicated by non-documented histories.

So why exactly is it that every non-documented historic site about Runes on the internet I can find tries to assign a magical property to the Runic alphabet. I cannot find a well documented site even providing a semi-solid connection between magical properties or percieved magical properties about the runes and the runes actual history.

Don't get me wrong, I love runes, I can read and write in several versions fluently. I just don't get it where people are making these associations. All of them seem to be recent additions to history trying.

I just don't like historical corruption. It's dumb.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the Chat Logs)

RznDoUrdn: heh.. you said poke.
RznDoUrdn: I think I am going to compile a list of the top ten best words, and poke may make that list.
XdaphneanX: that's a good word. yes! definitely in the top ten.

Sunday, November 26, 2000

It's just a ploy, don't listen to the raving lunatic!!!

Dear Diary,

I think that it rules that people read my diary and then write about it. That is one of the more gratifying things about having a journal in a community.

D*land is cool among journal communities, too. I think that everyone here is a bit closer than other journal communities, not that I'd have any experience with that. I think that it has to do with the way it's laid out. Or perhaps just the trend. Dunno.

We are all on one domain, always nodding to our friends.

Hey, one question though. I know I'm *mostly* honest about how I deep down feel about stuff. Are you? Do you put down what you really feel about things or do you put down more and more front the more friends you make on D*land?

Because everyone, I'm pretty sure, reaches the point where they have made a few friends that they think read their diary's on a regular basis, and so they feel the need to perform to "keep readership". (Or perhaps that's just me).

You know, the idea that who wants to read about someone's boring problems when they have problems of their own to solve.

But I think our kind, d*land people that is, like to fix problems. But more than that, we are secret (or not-so-secret) voyeurs who like to *read* about other peoples problems. Satisfies the drama queen in all of us. Y'see, we don't actually have to get involved with the drama, but we still get to experience it as if we were there. I mean, we *are* reading first hand accounts of the drama.

Or maybe that's just me. I've grown accustomed to a certain level of craziness in my life, but I don't like to deal with the fallout.

Well, let me re-phrase this... I have had my share and your share and your sister's share of crazyness in my life in the last 4 years. I like to read about other peoples crazyness in an attempt to justify my inordinate amout of crazyness that occurs in my life and perhaps to offer a creamy noughat of wisdom here or there.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Um, yeah, I'm mostly rambling today. This entry was really a ploy to use this awesome quote of the entry I found in Celine's diary just now.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "[Dad] laughed, and said. "poet. yeah right, poet. i'm a landscaper. I ACTUALLY DIG THE DITCHES. poets don't dig the ditches."

i've been digging ditches all day long,
- celinha

the prozak months

Dear Diary,

Yeah, well, it was time to update my diary. And it's look. I got whazzup.org back online, but once again, all the content is gone. What is it with me and losing domain content. Everyone in this universe seems hell bent on me losing my domain content on my various web sites.

Well, my home page is now going to be whazzup.org/~riz. I gave the domain to my roommate so he could keep it up a little better than I.

I was thinking I would let my closest d*land friends and then after they get a shot, some other cool d*land people if they want get some webspace on it. I think it's like 10 megs I have it set to right now, but if you need more for something, you can probably have it. But if you want a directory on the oh-so-cool whazzup.org you can have it. :)

Oh by the way, Florida sucks. And this is coming from a native Floridian. So you can take my word on it.

So tell me my new look is cool. I need the re-assurance. heh

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Memories of highschool are mostly amusing, except for the ones where I was bitter at everyone within the school and would have preffered them dead if I had to prefer them in any form of existence.... Which tended to be all the time, but at least this game brings back good memories"
- crackbaby

Saturday, November 25, 2000

Hopefully one of the last revisits to reality discussions, but don't hold your breath

Dear Diary,

Some words from an old German philosopher named Leibniz that I think explains things a little better than I can:


Necessary Truths. Necessary truths are those truths which are so by logical definition. For instance the phrase, "a senior citizen is any elderly person." How do we know this is true? It's true because we have said it was true, by the very definition of our terms "senior citizen" and "elderly." These are thus truths "by necessity."

Other forms of necessary truths are: "a circle is a perfectly round line"; "a square is an area enscribed by four straight lines of equal size meeting at right angles to each other"; "8 + 3 = 11." These are true because we have ourselves defined the word "eleven" to mean eleven and not ten--or because we have given the name "circle" to the round object and the name "square" to the boxy object. We could have reversed the words and taught ourselves to see them accordingly--even teaching our children to use these words in this new way and it would not change anything about reality. We are only talking about things that are "true" by common definition. If you change the definitions you only are changing our vocabulary, our terminology--not the reality of the things in themselves.

Some people when asked what color the sea is might say "green." Others might say "blue" There is no point in arguing which of these statements is true, because they are true by definition--that is by how a person defines the boundaries of blue or green--especially where they meet each other on our personal color charts!

This arbitrariness is the very essence of all things that are true by definition, by necessity.

Contingent Truths. Also--this necesary truth which is true by very definition or necessity has no cause and effect to make it true, such as "if you go out in the rain you will get wet." The latter kind of truth is a truth of fact, a truth of science, a "contingent" truth. It is true because something "causes" it to be true. A contingent truth is a very different order of truth than a necessary truth.

In our modern thinking, every event supposedly has its particular "cause," something that caused it to be or to happen. We are not merely interested in the necessary truth that "Johnny is wet." If we were Johnny's mother, we would certainly want to know why Johnny is wet. We would be interested in the contingency of his wetness--that is, the realm of cause-and-effect about his wetness. (But Johnny himself in the face of such a question might speak up: "Aw Mom, I'm not wet, I'm just a little damp." He is offering up a necessary truth when his mother is looking for a contingent truth: "how did you get this way?")

The thing that characterizes modern culture is our preoccupation with contingent truths. We want to know why things happen. We're like one of two people gazing at a setting sun across a lake, blanketed by clouds of hues of pink and orange and even red. One person might be thinking "how beautiful this all is" (a truth by necessity). But we westerners would be too busy to notice such beauty because our minds were working on the thought: "why do these colors occur as they do; what causes the red, the orange and the yellow?" We don't just want to receive the truths of the events. We want to master those truths. And so we busy our thoughts with the quest for contingent truths. We are of a scientific bent or nature!

Anyway, it is this realm of cause and effect truths that our modern, western, "empirical" science is designed to explore. In the end, such science hopes to be able to provide an explanation for everything that happens under the sun--in terms of the causes of all things.

The ultimate contradictions inherent in contingent truths. The difficulty, however, of trying to describe life, the very universe, through such truths of fact or contingent truths is that there is no end to their contingency. If everything has a cause there can be nothing that has no cause. And yet something has to start the series of cause-and-effect off. By this very logic of cause-and-effect there can never be some kind of ultimate starting point, a point at which things simply are, without a cause. And yet the process of cause and effect necessarily requires some kind of a starting point, one which would be the ultimate cause of all other causes. Thus this logic cannot, because of its need to explain all events in terms of their cause, provide any kind of explanation of this most important of all causes: the first cause! At this most critical of points in its line of logic, its very logic breaks down!

Thus without being able to provide an explanation for first causes, there can be no true logic to such a science. Indeed, all that factual or contingent science can do is to study the appearances of events, and their apparent causes. It cannot truly find the ultimate cause of anything.


At any rate, I had a reasonably good thanksgiving. I got drunk on thanksgiving night and had a muscle relaxant, and fell fast asleep on the crackbaby mansion floor. Yes, we went to Tyler to visit our parental units for the holidays, and that was all fun for a while, but I'm glad to be back. My parents still don't approve of me starting my own business. For some reason they never have. They always find it to be a waste of time.

Maybe when I'm worth a billion dollars, they'll think it was worth it. I want to please them, I really do, but I don't know what it really takes to wow them anymore. I thought showing motivation enough to start my own business and suceed would be enough. But no. Apparently I'm still not responsible enough at the age of 21 to care for myself and look out to see if I'm being illicitly being parted from my money much less to start my own business.

I'll make them proud if it is the last thing that I do. Dangit!

At any rate, hrmm.. I'm kinda tired, so I think I'm going to have a nappy time now.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "very few winged aliens are chosen to perform those roles"
- pulse

Wednesday, November 22, 2000

High drama in my pants!

dear diary...

i hate people, i think. is that bad?

the people responsible for me being forced to go to work today. for three hours. the people who rewrite the constitution like the florida supreme court. stupid people. oh man i hate stupid people. middle management, i don't like either. idiots in charge of me. idiots that work with me. idiots that work for me. all these people suck donkey d!ck.

there is this guy talking to leah and pam down the hall from me. he looks like a scarecrow, except that's how he normally looks. i think i should go kill him, he's frightening the locals.

there's a lot of ill feeling floating around today.

in me.

/rizzn

quote of the entry: "High Drama in Presidential Race"
- reuters headline this morning

Monday, November 20, 2000

President Strom Thurmond

Dear Diary...

I found this on the internet (the one that al gore made up)...


Strange but True:

According to the Constitution, the Speaker of the House of Representatives is to be offered the job of President if the Electoral College is unable to pick a winner before January 20, 2001. Some have speculated that Dennis Hastert (R-IL) would be unwilling to give up the Speakership for a temporary stint as President. After all, why would anyone want to trade a multi-year tenure as the third most powerful man in America for no more than a few weeks in the Oval Office?

If the House Speaker refuses to become President, the next in line behind him, according to the Constitution, is the longest-serving member of the majority party in the U.S. Senate. In this case, that person is 98-year old Republican Senator Strom Thurmond from South Carolina. After seeking the White House in the usual way in 1948, Thurmond may now become President as the result of the closest national election in history. Sure, it's an unlikely scenario, but it's possible.

One has to wonder if Strom Thurmond gets butterflies whenever he ponders the fact that he could actually become President, even if just for a little while. Even more interesting would be knowing what he would do if given the opportunity. Think about it, at 98 years of age, Strom Thurmond doesn't need to be concerned about how his agenda as President will be received by voters. Instead, he is probably more concerned about how his agenda will be received in Heaven.

Senator Thurmond is arguably one of the most conservative politicians ever to serve in Congress. Therefore, it is entirely possible that President Thurmond would be the most conservative Chief Executive to ever occupy the White House.

Consider the possibilities...

With the stroke of a pen, President Thurmond could write into law any public policy he wishes, so long as a two-thirds majority in Congress does not vote to override him. On Thurmond's first day in office, he could conceivably write Executive Orders to accomplish the following:

Eliminate unconstitutional taxes (like the income tax, the capital gains tax, the death tax, the gift tax, the Social Security tax)

Enact tariffs on foreign goods to pay for the legitimate needs of government

Enact an outright ban on homosexuals in the military

End all federal funding for abortion at home and abroad

Declare all human beings to be "persons" from the moment of conception (thereby criminalizing all abortions)

Eliminate the grossly immoral National Endowment for the Arts

Close the failed federal Department of Education

Restore a U.S. military presence in the Panama Canal.

To compliment his own conservative influence in Washington, Thurmond could appoint the most conservative administration in U.S. history. To illustrate, the staff at moreinformation.net have put together a list of "top prospects" for cabinet positions and other nominations in a Thurmond administration. They are listed below for your thoughtful consideration:


Now that's funny!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Day 12 in the Banana Republic..."
- crackbaby

Thursday, November 16, 2000

stuff and stuff and memories and ringtunes is done

Dear Diary,

Hi. I like slacking off.

Did you ever have one of those Dilbert-esque, Office Space-esque moments where you get chewed out fifteen times for something you did by 15 different managers and cowerkers, extending even into the next day?

Just checking.

Sorry I haven't been updating so much.

I've been in developer mode, I have been staying late working to get our Ringtone project out by deadline.

I just had a heart to heart with our team lead on the project and he said he doubts our project will ever see version 2.0. Finland (the head office) is going to give us their version. So all this time I've spent over the last 5 months specializing on freaking Ringtunes, NBS (narrow band sockets) and SMS (smart messaging service) has been a waste.

I hate the fsckups in Finland now. I'm glad they didn't send me on that trip. I would have murdered them.


Last night I had an epiphany on why my memory works the way it does. Why I have trouble remembering to do things that I need to, but I can remember images all the way back to when I was a year old.

My earliest memories. By Rizzn.

I remember when I was in trouble when I still lived in Florida (I know I was younger than three cuz thats when I moved to texas)... my dad was taking me to my room, and I remember that in my room the carpet changed colors from the hallway. I sat down on my bed... it had four posts, with balls on the end. I had a pegboard with woodgrain stuff on it bookshelf with childrens books on it (the little golden books).

I remember when my mom was teaching me to swim in my gramma and grandpas pool. They gave me milk jugs that were half full of water so I wouldn't depend on them much. They also used to take me to the public pool too.

I remember going to a little preschool thingy taught by a lady I think was named Mrs. Jordan. Her husband had some sort of back surgery where he had to have stitches that went all up and down his back, Mrs. Jordan called them rail road tracks.

Her preschool thing was cool. It was either a doublewide or a portable building or something. It had all kinds of cool toys. I didn't talk much with the other kids. There were a couple of them I liked but I didn't have a friend friend relationship or anything. Most of them were impressed by what I could draw with the etchasketch, which was cooler than the one I later got in kindergarden for christmas, because it had four knobs, and the one I got had only two.

I remember one time Mrs. Jordan took us outside by the road because there was this tortise outside that was as big as me. I know I wasn't very big, but it seemed really cool at the time.

I remember meeting my uncle tommy and my cousin tommy one time. They had loud dogs in cages.

Nobody like my Aunt Charlotte. She was the only person back then who told me to shut up and talked bad about me. But she gave me a train set for Christmas one time. She died a few years ago. Nobody really liked her.

I remember being carried around the college campus where my dad worked and this guy pinching my cheeks. My mom later told me this guy always called me chubby cheeks. I don't have chubby cheeks anymore, so I don't know what he'd call me now. Probably my name. But then again, I don't know if he's still alive or if so where he lives. Kinda sad if you think about it.

I remember one time when my grandpa drained the pool and was walking around in the bottom of it. Last year he drained it again and accidentally fell in. He is ok, though.

My grandma and grandpa had cool pool toys. One was this plastic boat that I just thought was the shiznit. The sailboat thing was cool too, just not as detailed, so I didn't like it as much. I liked toys that had insides you could see, like hot wheels and things.

I remember one time I was watching some educational show on PBS when we still lived in Florida, and a fire engine went by and my mom told me that's how a fire engine sounded. And she made all the sounds of the different emergency vehicles. It was cool.

I also remember one time I was watching a different educational show, one where this lady stands up and talks about different things that three year olds need to learn about, and my mom wanted to sit down and teach me some things, and I told her I wanted to watch this show, it was teaching me, and she got mad. I felt really bad about making her mad. I think she was sadder rather than mad. I wish I could take that back.

I remember the day we were packing up to move from Florida. My mom made ceramic things, and I can always remember us going to pick things up from the oven .. and she was wrapping up a giraffe she made next to the fireplace, and broke it. I think she was sad about that.

I remember riding to Texas in a big truck. It was a yellow ryder. You couldn't see out the rear view mirror even though it had one (the one on the winshield) because of the back part covered up the back window.


Those are a smattering of my memories from pre-three years old. I was analyzing in my head how I remember these things, and I figured best I could all I remember really are like details about it, and wireframes kindof like that tell me the positions .. I could go into great detail of how the room looked or what have you. It's like I have 3D studio files of what was going on in my head and when I remember it it's like it renders in my head.

The way I catalogue these things is by attaching the memories I have to objects. Some are files, so to speak, that I pull up so much that I don't have to attach them to an object or item I have, and I just remember them. But that is what makes me such a packrat. Ask my roomies. I keep everything.

And it's because it helps me remember. And remembering makes me emote, either sad, happy, exactly what I was feeling in the memory. And also it gives me that Nostalgic feeling where I think, wow, I'd like to relive that.

A memory is a lot like a GUI os for a power user. Things that you remember a lot, you don't have to use icons (i.e. objects, notes, etc) to remember. Things that you don't use a lot, you use notes to remind you, objects associated with the memory. Things like that. When you rely on objects a lot, your desktop, i.e. your living space, can get cluttered. On the other hand, if you use the command line, i.e. direct recall without visual or auditory aid, to remember things, you have less clutter.

I don't know. It's a haphazard article about how I think of things, but it's what I came up with last night right before I fell asleep.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Things are not always better in the morning."
- kat

Monday, November 13, 2000

The Pig with Turban, Fred, and Joey's Story of Fun!

Dear Diary,

The story of the Pig With Turban, Fred, and Joey
by Rizzn, age: 21

Once there was this kid who had a doggie. The doggie's name was Fred and the kid's name was Joey.

Joey and fred liked to go play in the dirt pile that was behind the kinko's copy place next to their apartment complex. They lived on their own. The kid was really smart. This was because one day the kid was on this planet all by himself.

He was playing in a dirt pile in a desert and he found this brass lamp. He rubbed it (because that's what you do with brass lamps that you find in the desert!) and a giant pig with a turban came out. The pig had blue skin and talked like Robin Williams.

He said hey there Joey!

Joey's like, hey there blue thing! Where's my wishes!

Wishes? I don't give you wishes, I'm a pig with a turban! I give you bacon in any form you want it, but no wishes.

So the kid asked for a brass lamp with a genie that gave out wishes that was made of bacon.

And Pig with Turban said, aha! I like the way you think! WE can work together. And poof! there it was.

They asked the bacon genie for a real genie. The bacon Genie was like, what, I'm not good enough? I can still give three wishes. So they asked for shovels, and the PIg with a Turban asked for some slop to eat, and with their last wish they asked for a real Genie.

The kid, he asked for a world of technology and people to run it, so he won't have to make the whole world go round by himself (that was his previous job). The Pig with Turban asked for farmers to be in the world so he could have some pig friends.

Together, they couldn't think of anything else they wanted because they had already got their other wishes from the Bacon Genie.

So the boy asked for a dog named Fred.

And that is the story of a boy name Joey and his dog named Fred. TheEnd.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "self-absorption in a macrocosmic framework. i try to be the contributing citizen, the helpful neighbor, the empathetic ear, but i'm constantly consumed with thoughts, improvements, feelings of myself, within myself. me. Me. ME. mE. me. in that order."
- ladiebug

Americans Can't Count

Dear Diary,

Hey folks. Read my previous entry.

Ok. Above is the actual ballot.

WTF?

I'm sorry. You were confused by this?

Scantrons must have been a b!tch when you were a kid.

Basically my take on this is let it be. Whoever wins wins. Whoopdee doo. Exactly the same number of people as not will be pissed no matter who wins.

So why break the constitution if the outcome is the same.

Revotes are definately unconstitutional. Everyone knows that the outcome will be different if a revote is called. For the very same reason they don't broadcast the votes on the west coast before the polls close. People are influenced to vote based on things. The results of an election shouldn't be influenced (and courts have decided they shouldn't be influenced by) things other than the campaigns themselves. After voting starts, the candidates are not supposed to influence them, the vote is a measure of what the public feels at that time.

Not a week later.

Not a week before.

At. That. Time. Period. Stop.

To continually harp on it and ask for a revote begs for things like this to keep happening:


Monday November 13 8:06 AM ET

American Vote Counting Gives Germans a Laugh

BERLIN (Reuters) - Three American exchange students did little to enhance the credibility of their country's voting system by failing miserably to count the number of chairs in the auditorium on a German television game show.

In a less-than-subtle dig at the United States' failure to produce a president-elect after almost a week of recounts, host Thomas Gottschalk Saturday gave the three students an hour to count the seats -- and got answers ranging from 1,860 to 2,077.

It may have been only a game show, but there was plenty of gloating Monday.

The mass-circulation daily Bild could not resist reminding readers how Republican candidate George W. Bush (news - web sites) accused his Democratic opponent Al Gore (news - web sites) of using ``fuzzy math'' in his campaign assertions.

The daily Die Welt simply added: ``Americans can't count.''

``Wetten dass?'' (Wanna Bet?) is Germany's most popular program and regularly draws audience shares above 40 percent.


Really folks, we would have no problems if we still did it like we did in the olden days, where the guy who came in second was VP.

Course we might still have duels like Allen Burr and Andrew Jackson over the VP slot. But who couldn't use a little more bloodshed in politics, right?

Seriously, think about it!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Americans can't count."
- Die Welt

Let's Have a Re-Vote!

AS responsible citizens, it is up to everyone who votes to makes hure that he / she understands all the races, propositions / initiatives, and how to do it. If looking you are looking at a ballot, and it appears confusing or questionable, it is up to that person to make sure they understand it BEFORE punching the hole, making the mark, or turning the lever. It just makes common sense. They did not take their responsibility seriously.

At this point I could care less who becomes President. I lean towards wanting Bush, but with House and the Senate split so closely down the middle acting as a safety net Gore could take the White and I'd be fine with it. None of the programs, legislation, or Supreme court nominees that come up over the next 4 years that are to extreme either way are ever going to pass the moderates. Its totaly up too them now as to which way we want the country to go, and I'm sure everyone will be OK with what is done.

The Constitution is in question and I can only hope that people see the enlightened wisdom and granduer of it and the Bill of Rights. And leave it alone. Regardless of what is happening in the presidential race, the constitution has provided the safety net again and the country will continue as always.

Friday, November 10, 2000

I deserve a big hug, people. no kidding around here.

Dear Diary!

Guess what?!?

I deserve a big hug!

Don't believe me? I'll prove it...

*digs thru his email*

----- Original Message -----
From: [Quyen.*LastnameDeleted*@nokia.com]
To: [my@work.email.address.com]
Sent: Friday, November 10, 2000 5:42 PM
Subject: RE:

> You deserve a huge hug!
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: EXT Rizzn Do'Urden [mailto:my@work.email.address.com]
> Sent: 10. November 2000 5:32 PM
> To: Quyen.*lastnamedeleted*@nokia.com
> Subject: Re:
>
>
> No problemo!
>
> Attached is the ringtune file first in RTX (text readable) and then in RTPL
> (phone readable) formats. Let me know if you need anything else. Monday,
> I'll still be at the WIT office, starting Tuesday, I'll be back at Nokia, on
> the 7th floor near Letitia Andrew's desk.
>
> /rizzn.dourden
> Software Engineer

See how much I rule?

Plus, Quyen is kinda hot. I always thought she didn't like me, but she sounded like she was ready to throw herself at me after I bailed her out for her big presentation today.

We'll see, eh? Marketing chicks. Who knows.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "You deserve a huge hug!" - Quyen

ok, sorry, semi-serious again. in which i discuss the nature of reality

I read this on LapisLong's message board:


i do not need my beliefs validated. i KNOW what i believe. i am interested in what other people think, feel, and believe about a lot of things and i am always happy to see a view ~ especially if it differs from mine.

i am by no means an expert. but i cannot believe that God in omnipotent simply because i cannot believe that child molesters run about hurting us all by the grace of God. i believe that God tries as best as possible to teach and love the ones God made and in turn, does not completely control us. i see God's justice and some of the ways God has done work through us. i have seen some of the times God just couldn't get through. my experiences make up who i am and have shaped what i believe, i cannot deny this. i am what is locked up in my head, but who is to say we all exist? what if we are just figments of Connie's imagination? There really is no guarntee of anything.


This response is not a personal slam to the author who wrote it.

To me this mindset is what keeps us back as a society. The mindset that keeps us from accepting what hundreds and thousands of years of people's wisdom and study has brought them to a consensus about yet we still don't fully understand.

If you want to call that having faith, then so be it. If you can't find evidence to back up theories that have had evidence shown in their favor time and time again for the past 2000 years, I imagine that's your issue.

What I cannot accept, and will not accept from a person is that we are all figments of someone's imagination or reality is not real! I will not! That is a cop out, an easy out of a philosophical debate, or subject for mediocre science fiction.

There is not guarantee of anything? Bunk, I say. Let me give you some guarantees.

The sun appears in the east and disappears in the west, for most of the people on earth save artic and antartic residents, on a regular basis.

Bullets, when shot from guns, aimed at your head, will make holes in your head.

If you jump from a nine story building and land on pavement and have no means of slowing your descent, the laws of gravity will ensure your death or manglement.

In controlled experiments, if you try the following things 10 times in a row, you will recieve the same results 10 times. 100 times. 1000 times.

Get the point?

There are absolutes. There are truths. There is reality.

Here is where the point is.

If you can't wrap your mind around the large concepts and accept them as reality start small and work up. If you can't wrap your mind around the large concept of God as an entity to start with, start with the bullet theory.

If you can't wrap your mind around the idea that there is in fact such a thing as right and wrong, and they are objectively applied to ALL people, subjectively applied, then start with the laws of gravity.

If you keep tripping yourself up on the idea that "What if reality isn't real." junk you are never going to progress or change in your philosphical beliefs.

Perhaps I should rephrase that.

All those people out in California that the rest of the world refers to as fruits, nuts and flakes? You know them? I've got ten bucks that says every one of their theories starts with questioning reality, and ends up with the great chicken in the sky who is really inside all of us, our world exists within the great golden egg which was laid by the great chicken in the sky who is really inside all of us.

You don't see the connection now, but trust me, I've seen it happen before. You won't think it's such a bad idea when you arrive to it. You might be all about it. And then one day you'll be 87 years old, and you'll look back at your life and wonder oh my gosh, how the hell did I come to believe I was a golden egg yolk apprentice acolyte for the great henhouse in the sky?

And then you'll remember your old buddy Rizzn and think oh man, I shoulda listened to him, he's not as wacko as I thought he was.

Rizzn, Rooster-in-Chief for the UberHenhouse

Thursday, November 9, 2000

whak thud yay

Dear Diary,

Hi diary. I people read my diary, or at least I can infer that people still do. Malk said today that she was going to write a rebuttal to my short statement on abortion, or at least that is what I guess it was about. And then Elyse wrote a little bit saying she at least respected my opinion, which was somewhat gratifying to know I'm not totally out in left field (or I guess that would be right field). At any rate ....

I don't like pissing people off or enraging them. I like to engage people into discussion. So don't take it the wrong way Malk. Sorry.

But today I don't feel serious. I feel silly ... could be the result of drinking too much coffee. Could be the result of listening to Celine's voicemails that she sent me (and thank you for that insightful Pooh and Eyore story).

By the way, if you people want to hear my voice and send me a voicemail, call 1800 222 6000 and go to extension RIZZN444. And you can talk about how hard it is to find the "z" button on a telephone. Darn my name and it's z's. By the way, don't worry about leaving long messages. Just know that it cuts you off after exactly 2 minutes, and also I don't have a time limit on how many minutes of messages.

I feel special today. I got to drive the Crackmobile today since CBL stayed home today.

I like soup.

I also solved major problems for Nokia today. Yay for ringtones.

And I got speakers for the computer at work.

Yay for speakers.

Yay for yay!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "now it's whack! and thud. and i'm not sure what to feel like."
- xoxoxox

Wednesday, November 8, 2000

Soo, Soolaimon. Soolai, soolai, sooliamon.

Dear Diary,

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

I want to go home and go to sleep. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am going to the doctor tomorrow.

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

Yes. Neil Diamond Rules.

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

People piss me off. I went off on someone yesterday hardcore. I never do that. Something must be stressing me out. I wonder what it is. I am so oblivious to how my world works sometimes. I'm just an actor playing Rizzn in my own life.

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

Delirium takes over me as I fight staying awake until my ride arrives. Someone will need to carry me into the apartment and hook up an IV to keep me awake once I get in.

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

Somehow I got assigned more tasks in the ringtone and covers project at work that no one told me about. Or maybe I wasn't me when I said I'd do it. One of the two.

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

/rizzn (with the help of Neil Diamond)

Put a pony in your hair, not your underwear!

Dear Diary,

I have been sitting on this entry for a while, and I'll piss people off by saying it, but it's topical, its what I believe and so there.

I am against abortion.

Principal reason I am against abortion is because I was an unwanted pregnancy.

I had a good life. I had a wonderful childhood, never wanted for anything. Sure my parents had some tight times, especially when I was three, my parents moved from Florida to Tyler to capitalize on the late 20th century oil boom, which failed promptly upon our arrival.

So my parents were screwed for money for several years. Then they bought a house, which got forclosed on due to the guy who sold it to us's mismanagement of funds.

But I had a good life, and my parents pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and made life for themselves and the family.

I was adopted.

My mom had a hysdirectomy when she was young because of reasons I don't fully understand. But she wanted to have kids really bad and so did my dad, but they were unable. So they adopted my sister and me, both at birth, 2 years apart.

They waited on a list for a year before we were available.

When I hear the term unwanted pregnancy, I laugh, because there is no such thing.

There are adoption centers all around the world, there are Gladney centers where pregnant teens can go and discreetly have themselves taken care of until the child comes to term. If the biological mother doesn't want the child or cannot care for it, there are hundreds of capable parents literally lined up to take care of the child and provided it a good safe home because they are unable to have children for one reason or another.

But look at me. I plan to make a difference in this world. By the time I die, people will remember my name, and my contributions to society will be invaluable, and people 100 years from now will go "how did we ever get by without that Rizzn guy's contributions to society."

I know this to be a fact.

What if I was never born? What if my biological mom was like, umm, no one will know. What if she never heard of adoption processes?

Things would suck for me. And it would suck for the world. Because I am going to make a difference. I am going to be the poster child for adoption. Because I am just that cool. :)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I'm pretty darn upbeat about things."
-Possible President-Elect George Bush

Ewoks an Droids

Yub nub,
eee chop yub nub,
ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene,
g'noop dock fling oh ah ----

Yah wah
eee chop yah wah;
ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene,
g'noop dock fling oh ah ----

Coat-ee chah tu yub --- nub;
coat-ee chah tu yah --- wah;

coat-ee chah tu glo --- wah;
al-lay loo ta nuv ---

Glow-ah,
eee chop glow-ah;
ya glow-wah pee chu nee foam
ah toot dee awe goon daa ----

Coat-ee cha tu goo;
(Yub nub!)
coat-ee cha tu doo;
(Yub wah!)
coat-ee cha tu too;
(Ya chaa!)
al-lay loo ta nuv ----
al-lay loo ta nuv ----
al-lay loo ta nuv ----
AL-LAY LOO TA NUV!!!

/rizzn

Monday, November 6, 2000

chung chung goes the reunion

Dear Diary

I update yet again, right before I get kicked out of the office. I am waiting for my ride, and admiring the pretty dallas nighttime skyline.

I read this entry. People. You just can't make this stuff up -- this is why we don't do e.

I mean I enjoy a good extasy roll as much as the next guy, but people who say that there are no long term effects to habitual eating of e have never met people like ectasyraver.

I need to take a whiz. BRB.


Hrmm. Well. On to topics that people say "I didn't need to know that" about.

I have been feeling like I need to get with a girl lately. I don't know why. Right now is a horrible time financially for me to get with a girl. I have all kinds of money sunk into nutshellonline.com (please people, buy service!) It's a horrible time resource wise, in that I'm spending tons of time working on work things and getting the businesses going.

Plus, I'm about to be a millionaire. I mean, I'll have chicks all over me at that point.

Maybe it's my biology going, hey, you are about to be a millionaire, so why not find a girl who likes you for you now and not for your money.

By the way, that's no sh!t about being a millionaire. Right now, I'm assured with about 90% degree of accuracy that I'll be a millionaire between 3 and 18 months.

Which is something I've been having weird dreams about.

Talk about weird dreams! Did I tell you about the dream I had that had triangle man in it? I had a dream that triangle man was teaching me to fly. And all my friends were hanging out with me and triangle man. And the we started getting picked on so I flew up about 65 feet, picked up one of the bullies, and dropped him.

He squished.

And then there was this dream that I went back to my 10 year reunion for highschool and I was super successful, and all the girls that never talked to me then were all like, well, this is really sexist, but they all wanted to suck my penis. !!!

I'm not joking ... all these snobby girls whose parents were snobby were all like hitting on me, and being crude and saying, "wow, if only I had sucked your dick in high school, I'd be your wife and I'd be even richer!"

Y'see, the highschool i went to had mostly rich people in it. So everyone was high and mighty. My dad made a lot of money but it wasn't old money, he was new blood to the town so we weren't 'in' -- my parents always told me that the snobby kid's parents behaved just like the kids!

That's something that blows my mind. My parents may be crazy, but the know how to act in public. They could fit in with rich people and not embarrass themselves. Why would people of my parents age not accept one another?

Just goes to show you that there are no such thing as grown ups in this world, just bigger kids.

That's the secret of the game, and when you realize that, you can manipulate everything you see!

I'm going to wait outside in the coldness for my ride now... cya

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Chung Chung Chung, Magitek Armor!"
- crackbaby

dairy erotica can make you money

Dear Diary,

Is it just me or are more and more people putting erotica (the nice name for sex stories) in their diaries?

No one in my immediate circle has it in there (no one on my people that beat ass) but as soon as I mention that I'm sure they will.

Well, take that back, reality has, I think. And then ladiebug did it. and there's this whole diary called mysexlife devoted to it. The day uncle bob, kelly or dread start writing erotica is the day to start looking for the four horsemen.

Hee hee. You know, if I start noticing a growing trend of people writing erotica, you know I'm going to butcher it in an attempt to be funny about it. I seem to be good at writing children's book style stories (I don't know, maybe because I feel like a 6'4" kid most the time), but I think a sex story written in children's book style would be hilarious, if not bordering on a major no-box check.

I've been linking things in my diary like crazy lately. Notice that? I think I'm going to write a program that is going to link every single word on a page of text to something relavant.

Just because I like to waste time.

People could use it and it would be a valuable service.

Yeah. I think of money making (read: time wasting) site ideas all the time!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "SO I finally got a diary yay!The first time I tried going to this site I went to dairyland."
- starryangel

Politics: the biting snatch of truth!

Dear Diary,

I was on the floor today at work in front of the copy machine. Why was I on the floor? WEll, our jicky little printer/copier I was using for copying like 700 pages for a code review on our ringtone site is a POS, and requires someone to hold up the paper so it doesen't jam.

Luckily, I'm an inventive individual, and I got a plastic knife to replace me. I downsized myself.

At any rate, the point of me bringing up me being on the floor is that it reminded me once of when I was a kid, and we were at Foley's department store, and my mom was trying on clothes in the women's dressing room, and I was on the floor outside of it waiting for her. I looked into the dressing room area just as this lady with a short skirt and black panty hose or stockings or something walks out and points at me scoldingly and says "I saw that!" and walks off hastily.

I remember feeling so bad because I wasn't really looking up her skirt. And I told my mom that a lady told me I was looking up her skirt and I really wasn't, and she told me not to worry about it. I didn't feel so bad about it then.


There is this Russian chick who works in the office across from mine who's skirt I'd like to look up, but she'd probably catch me, and I'd have to tell my mom to recieve absolution.


Hey Malk, haven't you been listening to what the Democrats have to say about Ralph Nader?

"A vote for Nader is a vote for Bush."

I've already stated that I was going to vote for the hulk, however in all seriousness, I'll probably vote for Bush, and let me tell you why.

Unfortunately, it's the only vote that makes sense. If I vote for Gore, I might as well stab myself in my cock because in undoubtably would result in the death of the internet. His policies on control of the internet make 1984 look like a toy poodle compared to the werewolf he would impliment. Anyone who believes as much of his own propaganda as the Goremeister is about as delusional as ... well, Bill Clinton.

Ralph Nader? Well, his economic politics are just plain absurd, and would also hurt our service based economy horribly. If it were up to Nader, we'd be an isolationist 2nd world nation. Sure, he's got some good ideas. I won't even get into that drug thing... well, okay, I will.

But not now.

Buchanon is the only fellow that is the perfect match for me in office. He's not nearly as horrible as the media makes him out to be. He was just an easy target in the 1996 elections, what with it being all trendy to bash the Christian Coalition (one of his bigger supporters of the time) and everthing. Econimically, he's got a few bad ideas (i.e. removal from nafta and wto ... but for very good reasons), and his conspiracy theories are based on the same facts mine are based on, and he comes to the same conclusions. And that's the main reason why he won't ever be elected. Is because he talks about them openly and they are public knowledge.

But then that delves into my conspiracy theories.

Which I will talk about some other time (gee, I've been promising that for what 11 months now?)

Basically, I won't vote for Buchanon because I know he won't get elected. He's not going to magically come up with 57% of the popular vote in a few days here.

Bush, he's the one to do the least amount of damage in office. He hasn't done bad at all for our state. Whole hell of a lot better of a governer than that pill-popping stupid wench we had before him. (Ann Richards, for you people who aren't familiar with Texas Politics).

Texas has done much better with Bush as governor. Of course, governors do as much for state affairs as, well, presidents do for national affairs. Which is about nothing.

I mean really, all we are voting for here is a figurehead. Which president is likely to least appear like an ass on international platforms. Figure that question out and you find out who you can vote for.

Or you can vote your conscience.

Or you can vote for Hulk Hogan.

(considers that thought for a good 15 minutes)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Very interesting, not far into the movie a woman that this guy was copulating with turned into a spider and when he escaped there were great knashing teeth where her snatch should have been."
- uzume
(ed: NO NO NO!)

Wednesday, November 1, 2000

poke poke, rambling!

Dear Diary,

Erwin Schrodinger's cat enigma could be solved with a simple modern invention.

Plexiglass.

The description of Schrodinger's Cat:

"In 1935 Schrodinger published an essay describing the conceptual problems in a brief paragraph in this essay he described the cat paradox."

"The cat finds itself inside a box along with a technical gizmo that sends a photon towards a filter and records whether the photon passes through or not. If it doesn't, nothing happens. If it does, the photon trips a device that breaks open a vial of poisonous gas, and the unfortunate cat dies. The experiment is set up so that there's a fifty-fifty chance of the photon passing through the filter. Accordingly, once you open the box and look inside, there's a fifty-fifty chance the cat will jump out. "

"That's all very well. The difficulty arises, as Schroedinger pointed out in 1935, when you start wondering what was happening inside the box after the photon measurement was made but before anyone lifted the lid. It's simple enough to say that the gizmo delivered a photon, the photon either passed through the filter or it didn't, the vial of poison was broken or not, and the cat died or stayed alive. "

"Once the photon hit the filter, a quantum measurement was made, and subsequent events ensured that after that time the box contained either a dead cat or a live cat. But that assumes that the photon striking the filter was enough to constitute a measurement. What if, on the other hand, it takes human observation to trigger the measurement? In that case, it would appear, the cat must have been in some indefinite quantum cat-state, neither dead nor alive but potentially either, until someone opened the box to see. But what can it possibly mean, if anything, for a cat to be in some undefined half-dead, half-alive state? "

End quoting.

So at the very worst of the worst scenario, where it is the whatif the cat must be observed yaddah yaddah, make the box out of plexiglass or glass. Problem solved. Altogether, a ridiculously easy paradox, and the crux of the problem is thus: What Schrodinger was saying, at least from what I can interpret, is that how can we know what reality is if we can't precisely measure exactly every property of it? What I say is we make assumptions, not uneducated but educated assumptions on what reality is until we have perfected the measurement techniques to define it.

But let me say this. Sure, reality isn't readily defineable in all aspects. We don't know exactly what makes gravity work. But say I adopt the belief that gravity doesn't apply to me. Because what's true for you doesn't have to be true for me. And say I sincerely believe this with all my heart.

I think we all agree that I will probably hold true to that belief up until the time I hit the pavement after I've stepped off the 9th floor balcony here at work.

I can sincerely believe things, and be sincerely wrong.

I cannot say simply because I don't fully understand something that it can't be accepted as a reality that applies to all people. To do so is folly. There are inalienable facts about this universe that apply to all people. I don't know all of them. I know a couple of them. I don't understand all, nay, even a fraction of them. But I'm willing to bet my life they exist and willing to admit I maybe wrong about a few.

But based on the evidence I see, I draw what I see to be safe conclusions about certain facts that I hold true. Among these are a) If I fire a bullet into my skull, there will be a hole thru my head where the bullet traveled thru it b) If I try to break the law of gravity from the top of a building, I will die c) the way I interpret things of a spiritual nature are correct in total, all these things based on the evidence I have observed.

If I don't believe these things, it will be detrimental to me in the end. These are all my subjective perceptions of reality. Based upon objective evidence. If I based all my perceptions of reality my beliefs would be a) I can fire bullets into my head and they might bounce off b) I can leap buildings in a single bound if I want c) everybody is right about what they believe concerning God and spirituality.

But you see, I hold a belief that I am right, and someone who disagrees with me is wrong. I don't hate the people who are wrong, just that they drew different conclusion based on the evidence they see or didn't really observe the evidence.

Naturally, I think it would be a better world if everyone believed my way, but that's just a panacea in my mind. I know I can't convince everyone to think the way that I do. All I can do is offer the objective evidence that a) reality does exist b) what I think about crucial aspects of reality is actually true and c) now doesn't that feel better now that you are right for a change?

Hehheh

Anyways, enough rambling. I'm actually just trying to avoid staring at my cube walls for hours endlesly. Send me some email! I'm bored!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "poke poke, forkface!"
- celine

No Box!

Tuesday, October 31, 2000

The great pumpkin is really satan.

Dear Diary,

Read my email:

Wrote:

>dear rizzn,
>oh, for about forever!
>do you live in texas? i don't live in texas. thank you, texas.
>- celine.
>-
>http://celine.nodata.org
>>
>> Dear Celine,
>>
>> It is amusing that you thought I was a girl, but praytell
>exactly .how long you have thought that I was a girl?
>>
>> I don't hate you. :)
>> --
>> Rizzn.
>>>dear rizzn,
>>>
>>>it is funny (i suppose.), all this time i thought you
>>>were a girl.
>>>
>>>please don't hate me! i didn't mean it.

Crack is great.

Malkavia wrote today about the bottom of the literary foodchain.

People in the world always targeting comics as the bottom of the literary foodchain. I never get it. Comics are great! I mean look at all the great things about Batman!. Batman is from a comic. Batman can teach us great things! Why are comics so bad then? Hrmm?

But seriously, Malk's big point was that Jack Chick, this fellow behind chick.com that apparently writes Christian tracts is a liar. I must admit, I'm one of the most ardent Christians I know, but I'm not familiar with Jack Chick's great works, and this comic about halloween was the first bit of work I've seen of his.

From reading this entertaining work of fiction, I am honestly able to say that Jack Chick is not guilty of lying about witches, of which Malk acuses him of being. Let's analyze his comic for a bit.

(note: for those getting pissed off, skip to the last paragraph if you just can't stand it anymore before you send me hate mail. but read the whole thing, trust me on this, you guys know how I am. :)

What Jacky-boy says is "To satanists and witches, Halloween is no joke."

Truth. It's an actual event for both groups.

"As we get closer to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ ... Satanism will increase. So will human sacrifice."

If you believe what's in the Bible literally (specifically Revelation), yes, that's a truth. Along with a lot of other bad things for Christians.

"Halloween started with the Druids in the British Isles."

Kindof right. He obviously didn't do a whole lot of research, or he really really oversimplified his research into one sentence. There are actual accounts of the Druids in the dawn of the Roman Empire coming to the British Isles practicing human sacrifice however this was not common practice, however, but a new strain of thought among the celts. If you read through the many different accounts of the Legend of King Arthur, you'll find some of these accounts mentioned in there. Usually these human sacrifices were volunteers however, at least from the accounts I've read. (Don't try to peg me down on this, it's been a long time since I've read about this and if you try to argue me on it, I'll likely just concede the point -- it was from a reliable source where I read it, not just propaganda however).

"These guys were really spooky."

An opinion. Hey man, maybe they were spooky to Mr. Chick.

"Halloween ... glamorizes the powers of darkness, drawing in little kids."

Truth. When else do you see kids dressed up as what would usually be considered things of evil (i.e. undead, satan, etc).

"Satanic sacrifices are a slap in God's face."

Umm... to say the least.

Mr. Chickacola talks about some facts about getting to heaven which are generally theologically correct -- they are straight from the bible and really can't be disputed by any real theologan.

Note: this is the paragraph I was talking about to read if you skipped any of the above part that you need to read before sending hate mail.

NOW, the problem in Mr. Chick's logic is that he groups witches and satanists into the same camp.

The logic that Mr. Chick tries to use to put human sacrificers, ancient and current, is flawed. He puts true facts about both groups together to indicate that what society today considers a witch still practices human sacrifice to play on societal fears. And he also falls in to a common theological trap that many blind Christians follow into, and that is fear of the unknown. Read on.

Granted, in Leviticus, there is the verse where it is mentioned in Hebrew law "..suffer not a witch to live."

From this verse alone, a God-fearing Christian might think that we are to stone or not talk to our pagan friends because it might keep us from going to heaven. Christian friends, I say to you, please don't think this and let me tell you why! (hee hee, I shoulda been a preacher).

Something that is essential to know as a Christian and that many people don't bother to learn is that many of the things written in the Old Testament of the Holy Bible don't apply to us a Christians. Granted, most of the general principals do, but in the Old Testament, there are a number of laws and regulations that were broken upon God's gift of the Christian covenant.

In this case, the law God gave to the Hebrews by way of Moses saying "suffer not a witch to live" no longer applies in the same way the commandment "Honor the Sabbath and keep it holy" no longer applies to Christians.

"Huh?!?" I collectively hear. Yes it's true. Think about it. Jews, the Hebrew, were commanded on a stone tablet actually written by God to keep the seventh day holy in remembrance of God's original rest on the seventh day in the creation story. That's Saturday. Do we go to church traditionally on Saturday? Hrmm? No, I bet if you go to church, you go on Sunday. That's a tradition brought about by the original 12 deciples and Jesus himself.

What does that mean? It means nothing except to demonstrate that we as Christians are no longer bound by all the rules and regulations set forth originally by God. Instead, God gave us the most important commandment, "Love the Lord God with all your body, spirit, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself." If you follow that law, that pretty much keeps you in line with all the important stuff. (i.e. stealing, killing, etc.)

So, keeping that law in mind, does it make sense to shun, kill, maim, persecute, run out of town, either by hand, proxy or assistance witches or other non-believers? No, people, that is not the way to win friends and influence people.

That's more or less why I get sick when I read stuff like this, because any chance I have of making intelligent friends and them not thinking I'm an idiot for being a Christian is pretty much gone because they think I believe like this Jack Chick guy or many Christians who will actually force pagans and witches and stuff out of their town altogether! And think about it, if you really are a Christian, don't you want to save everyone's soul that you can? That includes witches and pagans, and if you treat them like sh!t, they ain't gonna like what you have to say.

For those of you who were totally bored by what I had to say, please just humor me and don't tell me I'm boring. I went to seminary after I left highschool for a while and I get into talking about this sort of thing. Plus, education isn't a totally bad thing. The less stupid people in the world the better, right?

Keep that in mind and happy halloween.

Love, Rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I don't want the cat as my sacrifice! I want Carrie!
- the Great Pumpkin played by the Debil himself!

Monday, October 30, 2000

Meaningless drivel of the Day

Dear Diary,

I am guesing that Uncle Bob is having his kid this morning or something. He didn't update, and he told us what that means.

Yay for Uncle Bob! A Halloween baby!

I'm thinking I want to set up a search engine program for Diaryland. It would be useful. And fun. And a good exercise.

I have a bunch of projects I need to be working on though. We'll see. I'll announce it formally if it happens.

We met with our Chicago client again this weekend. He came down from Chicago and had real Texas marguritas with us. And boy were they good.

I downloaded a bunch of really cool skins for winamp. I love high speed connections.

Speaking of which, our DSL is supposed to be installed today. I hope that goes well.

I'm going to go do some work and come back with a meaningful entry. :)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Recently I've heard indications that there are OTHER domains like Diaryland out there. Oh no! "

- uberhamster

Absolute truth about company pep rallys is they suck

dear Diary,

Have you ever thought about reality? Not Reality but the concept of reality (but if you'd like to think about Reality, I'm sure she wouldn't mind).

Free thinkers seem to have the common thread that reality is this tenuous idea that it is some fluid thing that can't truly be defined. It is this common thread that devolves most philosophical arguments down to semantics.

What is reality?

The quality or state of being actual or true; one, such as a person, an entity, or an event, that is actual; the totality of all things possessing actuality, existence, or essence; that which exists objectively and in fact; that which has necessary existence and not contingent existence.

Reality is based upon fact. Not subjectively on fact. Objectively. That means reality is not up for interpretation. Reality doesn't change from one person to another. Reality is the same for every person. It isn't something you can just make up. It is hard; concrete; essentially -- you don't determine what reality is.

But Rizzn, you say, what's true for me isn't what is true for Jim Bob, my neighbor!

And I tell you that you are wrong, and let me tell you why.

What you are telling me what is true for you isn't true for your buddy is in actuality the statement: "What I percieve as truth isn't what my neighbor/buddy/arch-enemy/dog's lover perceives as truth."

So does perception equal reality. I think the obvious answer is no. The definition of reality and the definition of perception of reality are completely different.

So how do you make the distinction?

Well, one can make the judgement of what reality is based upon what he/she observes, but in truth, this is just relying on your sense, making your perception of reality purely subjective. To truly get an accurate perception of reality, one must consult a third party, preferably reliable. If one can do this and verify the perceptions, than one's perceptions can probably be verified as fact. (see definition of fact for more information on verifying your reality).

All this to say that there is such thing as absolute truth, and there is no way around it. You, me, your dog's lover ... all of us have perceptions of reality. We all have subjective ideas of what reality is.

The truth of the matter is that we are in each and everybody's own right, either absolutely right or absolutely wrong on each facet of what we percieve as reality.

But out there is the absolute truth. It exists. Otherwise there is no such thing as existance or reality as we know it. If there is no such thing as absolute truth, then everything you know is wrong. Or right. Or actually doesn't matter. You might as well not know anything if everything you know is useless and void.

But if you admit that you know the correct answer to, say, 1+1, then you know something. Absolute truth dictates that 1+1 in a simple adding equation will always equal 2. Absolute truth.

By the way ... if you write me and tell me that the only absolute truth is that there is no absolute truth I will only laugh and post your name for public ridicule. Surely any logical mind will see the inherint logical folly in such statements.

Anyway, I've got to go to a company pep rally. Don't ask. It's dumb.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "And this is the attitude I adopt when I don't feel like I've had enough sleep. Midol? What's that?"
- kat

Friday, October 27, 2000

You heard right, sister!

Dear Diary,

You know, it's bad when you see that you are doing three entries a day. It means the projects you are working on probably aren't getting done.

But I read kat's entry response to be humorous. "Today is a shut up and take it however they wanna give it to me day." Ha hah haheheh.

Ok, it was funny to me, I guess.

And then I read here that "..last night i dreamt that i said to somebody, "my family is so dysfunctional that my younger brother is two years older than me."

Fun day. Non-productive day. Day of many entries.

Oh, I guess it's mention-worthy that my ex-girlfriend that I think I wrote about a long time ago who's handle is Z.. wrote me today. I haven't talked to her in nearly 2 years. She's a programmer now. Or at least she's learned how to program. Which is sexy to me.

You know, of all the girls I've ever gone out with, she's the only one I wish we were still together. She didn't fsck me over. She didn't screw up my life. In fact, while we went out, it was the most blissful time of my life.

Seriously I felt more spritually in tune than ever when we were a thing. This probably has to do with the fact that shortly after our breakup I fell into a deep depression/self-indulgence thing that took me 3 years to recover from (i.e about 7 or 8 months ago).

Nonetheless, it was a good time, and that is about 7 or 8 months of my life I wouldn't exchange for the world. I hope that one day I can attain that level of happiness and communion with God and a significant other again.

Whew. This entry got all heavy in a hurry.

At any rate, in her email to me she mentioned that she knew someone from our hometown that goes to school with her who said he knew me that had been spreading rumors about me and she wanted the real story behind it (I have no idea who this fool is, but the rumors he supposedly spread are most likely true).

This is part of the reason I didn't keep close contact with Z.. as well as many of my other Christian friends. I was and still am to a certain extent ashamed to admit to the public of what exactly happenned during that time of my life.

Why do you think I never use my real name in this diary? Sure many people already know that rizzn and my real name are synonomous, but most of the people I hide those years of my life from don't know.

Z.. knows, but I hope she hasn't found this diary. That would suck.

Ok, enough pining about the past.

Here's my plan ... my dastardly evil plan.... should I not find the perfect woman by the time I am a rich business owner (which is coming very soon, by the way -- different story, but not a joke), I'm going to call up Z.. and offer her a job programming for me (a thing she has taken up and apparrently enjoys doing, partly because of my enthusiasm for my computers, so she tells me) and my company with a salary she can't refuse. Then I'll do the Bill Gates thing and marry one of my employees. Or at least take her on a date or something. She can't refuse. I'm her boss!

Hrmm. I wonder if she has a boyfriend now. She didn't mention it, but one wonders. Actually, it doesn't matter.

Why am I dwelling on this? I have work to do. Besides, I'm already promised to two other goddesses from a different plane of existance.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "god made everything, i heard. "
- perception

I am too good to be true

Dear Diary,

Your photo has been deactivated from amiHotorNot.com because

we received a number of complaints about it. Your photo was

deactivated because of inappropriate content. The following

are not welcome here: ads, copyrighted material, porn,

nudity, celebrities, models, group photos, children,

animals, fakes, etc. As a rule, if people don't think the

picture is of YOU, they will complain! To reactivate

your account, you must submit a new photo.

This was the picture:

I think the problem is that I look too good to be true, so they automatically assume I'm a supermodel. Hell, I don't know.

/rizzn