Boom goes the daisy flower having sex with ...

Dear Diary,

I write to you at the request of Kat. Hi!

We've been working on our webpages at the Whazzup Compound as we now call it.

Ok, only I call it that.

But check it out. Last link on the main page. Lots of crack headed graphics to be had by all.

And in other news, I have been listening to my own homebrew soundtrack to Star Controll II. I like it muchly. It calms and isolates me.

I'm making many new friends lately. I have been talking on chat programs like I just discovered the internet. Which is cool since I don't go out much anymore. But I like talking to: Kat, Celine, and Ladiebug. They are cool. Also Snobunny and Kel when they come online.

---

Once there was this kewt leedle butterfly who flew from one end of a daisy field to the other... mainly because she considered the daisy the most beautiful flower.

One day the kewt butterfly ordered some pizza pizza from little ceasar the fifth. She promptly ate it and discovered that she forgot to iron her pants! What a tragedy. They were covered with and filled with her honey!

So she put the honey in a cup and ...

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "it's like a tuesday or friday night and you're having sex and not paying that much attention to it and them something happens from there and it's done, you breakup or something."
- reality

Poke the Runic Stones

Dear Diary,

I have assigned myself to figure something out.

I am somewhat a fan of language. I am not super good at learning new ones, I am mediocre, I guess you would say. However, I really admire language, and what it can tell you about a culture and such things.

Well, naturally that makes me a big fan of J.R.R. Tolkien's writings and life, really. One of the best linguists in history really. Really knew his stuff.

The brief history on Tolkien that many people don't know. Tolkien, when he was growing up, learned with his mother 7 languages, fluently, written and oral. This is before he's even in like middle school or whatever the equivalent is.

So he goes to University (Oxford), knowing like 12 (and three dead languages) languages or something, and they don't have one he can learn available, and he is majoring in linguistics (Doctorate program or something). So after he demonstrated his command of the language, and they were all like, sh!t, we can't teach you anything. How about you come up with a language and we'll give you a doctorate in linguistics.

So he writes two, for the fun of it.

One of his favorite languages or maybe more accurately, one of his more commonly known languages was the version of runic he created that became the dwarven language in the Lord of the Rings series.

Yet in all I have read, Tolkien or otherwise, I haven't found a single reference for how the runic alphabet (futhark) actually have a religious meaning.

The most common theory is that the language originated from the middle eastern area.. either the turks or a semite country. These are the languages that the futhark resemble most in history around the time of the origin of the language as best as scholars can divine.

The only other prevailing theory is that it came much later, and was primarily influenced by the Latin alphabet.

Either way, they originated A.D. not having to do with ancient Norse history as is usually indicated by non-documented histories.

So why exactly is it that every non-documented historic site about Runes on the internet I can find tries to assign a magical property to the Runic alphabet. I cannot find a well documented site even providing a semi-solid connection between magical properties or percieved magical properties about the runes and the runes actual history.

Don't get me wrong, I love runes, I can read and write in several versions fluently. I just don't get it where people are making these associations. All of them seem to be recent additions to history trying.

I just don't like historical corruption. It's dumb.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the Chat Logs)

RznDoUrdn: heh.. you said poke.
RznDoUrdn: I think I am going to compile a list of the top ten best words, and poke may make that list.
XdaphneanX: that's a good word. yes! definitely in the top ten.

It's just a ploy, don't listen to the raving lunatic!!!

Dear Diary,

I think that it rules that people read my diary and then write about it. That is one of the more gratifying things about having a journal in a community.

D*land is cool among journal communities, too. I think that everyone here is a bit closer than other journal communities, not that I'd have any experience with that. I think that it has to do with the way it's laid out. Or perhaps just the trend. Dunno.

We are all on one domain, always nodding to our friends.

Hey, one question though. I know I'm *mostly* honest about how I deep down feel about stuff. Are you? Do you put down what you really feel about things or do you put down more and more front the more friends you make on D*land?

Because everyone, I'm pretty sure, reaches the point where they have made a few friends that they think read their diary's on a regular basis, and so they feel the need to perform to "keep readership". (Or perhaps that's just me).

You know, the idea that who wants to read about someone's boring problems when they have problems of their own to solve.

But I think our kind, d*land people that is, like to fix problems. But more than that, we are secret (or not-so-secret) voyeurs who like to *read* about other peoples problems. Satisfies the drama queen in all of us. Y'see, we don't actually have to get involved with the drama, but we still get to experience it as if we were there. I mean, we *are* reading first hand accounts of the drama.

Or maybe that's just me. I've grown accustomed to a certain level of craziness in my life, but I don't like to deal with the fallout.

Well, let me re-phrase this... I have had my share and your share and your sister's share of crazyness in my life in the last 4 years. I like to read about other peoples crazyness in an attempt to justify my inordinate amout of crazyness that occurs in my life and perhaps to offer a creamy noughat of wisdom here or there.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Um, yeah, I'm mostly rambling today. This entry was really a ploy to use this awesome quote of the entry I found in Celine's diary just now.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "[Dad] laughed, and said. "poet. yeah right, poet. i'm a landscaper. I ACTUALLY DIG THE DITCHES. poets don't dig the ditches."

i've been digging ditches all day long,
- celinha

the prozak months

Dear Diary,

Yeah, well, it was time to update my diary. And it's look. I got whazzup.org back online, but once again, all the content is gone. What is it with me and losing domain content. Everyone in this universe seems hell bent on me losing my domain content on my various web sites.

Well, my home page is now going to be whazzup.org/~riz. I gave the domain to my roommate so he could keep it up a little better than I.

I was thinking I would let my closest d*land friends and then after they get a shot, some other cool d*land people if they want get some webspace on it. I think it's like 10 megs I have it set to right now, but if you need more for something, you can probably have it. But if you want a directory on the oh-so-cool whazzup.org you can have it. :)

Oh by the way, Florida sucks. And this is coming from a native Floridian. So you can take my word on it.

So tell me my new look is cool. I need the re-assurance. heh

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Memories of highschool are mostly amusing, except for the ones where I was bitter at everyone within the school and would have preffered them dead if I had to prefer them in any form of existence.... Which tended to be all the time, but at least this game brings back good memories"
- crackbaby

Hopefully one of the last revisits to reality discussions, but don't hold your breath

Dear Diary,

Some words from an old German philosopher named Leibniz that I think explains things a little better than I can:

---

Necessary Truths. Necessary truths are those truths which are so by logical definition. For instance the phrase, "a senior citizen is any elderly person." How do we know this is true? It's true because we have said it was true, by the very definition of our terms "senior citizen" and "elderly." These are thus truths "by necessity."

Other forms of necessary truths are: "a circle is a perfectly round line"; "a square is an area enscribed by four straight lines of equal size meeting at right angles to each other"; "8 + 3 = 11." These are true because we have ourselves defined the word "eleven" to mean eleven and not ten--or because we have given the name "circle" to the round object and the name "square" to the boxy object. We could have reversed the words and taught ourselves to see them accordingly--even teaching our children to use these words in this new way and it would not change anything about reality. We are only talking about things that are "true" by common definition. If you change the definitions you only are changing our vocabulary, our terminology--not the reality of the things in themselves.

Some people when asked what color the sea is might say "green." Others might say "blue" There is no point in arguing which of these statements is true, because they are true by definition--that is by how a person defines the boundaries of blue or green--especially where they meet each other on our personal color charts!

This arbitrariness is the very essence of all things that are true by definition, by necessity.

Contingent Truths. Also--this necesary truth which is true by very definition or necessity has no cause and effect to make it true, such as "if you go out in the rain you will get wet." The latter kind of truth is a truth of fact, a truth of science, a "contingent" truth. It is true because something "causes" it to be true. A contingent truth is a very different order of truth than a necessary truth.

In our modern thinking, every event supposedly has its particular "cause," something that caused it to be or to happen. We are not merely interested in the necessary truth that "Johnny is wet." If we were Johnny's mother, we would certainly want to know why Johnny is wet. We would be interested in the contingency of his wetness--that is, the realm of cause-and-effect about his wetness. (But Johnny himself in the face of such a question might speak up: "Aw Mom, I'm not wet, I'm just a little damp." He is offering up a necessary truth when his mother is looking for a contingent truth: "how did you get this way?")

The thing that characterizes modern culture is our preoccupation with contingent truths. We want to know why things happen. We're like one of two people gazing at a setting sun across a lake, blanketed by clouds of hues of pink and orange and even red. One person might be thinking "how beautiful this all is" (a truth by necessity). But we westerners would be too busy to notice such beauty because our minds were working on the thought: "why do these colors occur as they do; what causes the red, the orange and the yellow?" We don't just want to receive the truths of the events. We want to master those truths. And so we busy our thoughts with the quest for contingent truths. We are of a scientific bent or nature!

Anyway, it is this realm of cause and effect truths that our modern, western, "empirical" science is designed to explore. In the end, such science hopes to be able to provide an explanation for everything that happens under the sun--in terms of the causes of all things.

The ultimate contradictions inherent in contingent truths. The difficulty, however, of trying to describe life, the very universe, through such truths of fact or contingent truths is that there is no end to their contingency. If everything has a cause there can be nothing that has no cause. And yet something has to start the series of cause-and-effect off. By this very logic of cause-and-effect there can never be some kind of ultimate starting point, a point at which things simply are, without a cause. And yet the process of cause and effect necessarily requires some kind of a starting point, one which would be the ultimate cause of all other causes. Thus this logic cannot, because of its need to explain all events in terms of their cause, provide any kind of explanation of this most important of all causes: the first cause! At this most critical of points in its line of logic, its very logic breaks down!

Thus without being able to provide an explanation for first causes, there can be no true logic to such a science. Indeed, all that factual or contingent science can do is to study the appearances of events, and their apparent causes. It cannot truly find the ultimate cause of anything.

---

At any rate, I had a reasonably good thanksgiving. I got drunk on thanksgiving night and had a muscle relaxant, and fell fast asleep on the crackbaby mansion floor. Yes, we went to Tyler to visit our parental units for the holidays, and that was all fun for a while, but I'm glad to be back. My parents still don't approve of me starting my own business. For some reason they never have. They always find it to be a waste of time.

Maybe when I'm worth a billion dollars, they'll think it was worth it. I want to please them, I really do, but I don't know what it really takes to wow them anymore. I thought showing motivation enough to start my own business and suceed would be enough. But no. Apparently I'm still not responsible enough at the age of 21 to care for myself and look out to see if I'm being illicitly being parted from my money much less to start my own business.

I'll make them proud if it is the last thing that I do. Dangit!

At any rate, hrmm.. I'm kinda tired, so I think I'm going to have a nappy time now.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "very few winged aliens are chosen to perform those roles"
- pulse

High drama in my pants!

dear diary...

i hate people, i think. is that bad?

the people responsible for me being forced to go to work today. for three hours. the people who rewrite the constitution like the florida supreme court. stupid people. oh man i hate stupid people. middle management, i don't like either. idiots in charge of me. idiots that work with me. idiots that work for me. all these people suck donkey d!ck.

there is this guy talking to leah and pam down the hall from me. he looks like a scarecrow, except that's how he normally looks. i think i should go kill him, he's frightening the locals.

there's a lot of ill feeling floating around today.

in me.

/rizzn

quote of the entry: "High Drama in Presidential Race"
- reuters headline this morning

President Strom Thurmond

Dear Diary...

I found this on the internet (the one that al gore made up)...

---

Strange but True:

According to the Constitution, the Speaker of the House of Representatives is to be offered the job of President if the Electoral College is unable to pick a winner before January 20, 2001. Some have speculated that Dennis Hastert (R-IL) would be unwilling to give up the Speakership for a temporary stint as President. After all, why would anyone want to trade a multi-year tenure as the third most powerful man in America for no more than a few weeks in the Oval Office?

If the House Speaker refuses to become President, the next in line behind him, according to the Constitution, is the longest-serving member of the majority party in the U.S. Senate. In this case, that person is 98-year old Republican Senator Strom Thurmond from South Carolina. After seeking the White House in the usual way in 1948, Thurmond may now become President as the result of the closest national election in history. Sure, it's an unlikely scenario, but it's possible.

One has to wonder if Strom Thurmond gets butterflies whenever he ponders the fact that he could actually become President, even if just for a little while. Even more interesting would be knowing what he would do if given the opportunity. Think about it, at 98 years of age, Strom Thurmond doesn't need to be concerned about how his agenda as President will be received by voters. Instead, he is probably more concerned about how his agenda will be received in Heaven.

Senator Thurmond is arguably one of the most conservative politicians ever to serve in Congress. Therefore, it is entirely possible that President Thurmond would be the most conservative Chief Executive to ever occupy the White House.

Consider the possibilities...

With the stroke of a pen, President Thurmond could write into law any public policy he wishes, so long as a two-thirds majority in Congress does not vote to override him. On Thurmond's first day in office, he could conceivably write Executive Orders to accomplish the following:

Eliminate unconstitutional taxes (like the income tax, the capital gains tax, the death tax, the gift tax, the Social Security tax)

Enact tariffs on foreign goods to pay for the legitimate needs of government

Enact an outright ban on homosexuals in the military

End all federal funding for abortion at home and abroad

Declare all human beings to be "persons" from the moment of conception (thereby criminalizing all abortions)

Eliminate the grossly immoral National Endowment for the Arts

Close the failed federal Department of Education

Restore a U.S. military presence in the Panama Canal.

To compliment his own conservative influence in Washington, Thurmond could appoint the most conservative administration in U.S. history. To illustrate, the staff at moreinformation.net have put together a list of "top prospects" for cabinet positions and other nominations in a Thurmond administration. They are listed below for your thoughtful consideration:

---

Now that's funny!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Day 12 in the Banana Republic..."
- crackbaby

stuff and stuff and memories and ringtunes is done

Dear Diary,

Hi. I like slacking off.

Did you ever have one of those Dilbert-esque, Office Space-esque moments where you get chewed out fifteen times for something you did by 15 different managers and cowerkers, extending even into the next day?

Just checking.

Sorry I haven't been updating so much.

I've been in developer mode, I have been staying late working to get our Ringtone project out by deadline.

I just had a heart to heart with our team lead on the project and he said he doubts our project will ever see version 2.0. Finland (the head office) is going to give us their version. So all this time I've spent over the last 5 months specializing on freaking Ringtunes, NBS (narrow band sockets) and SMS (smart messaging service) has been a waste.

I hate the fsckups in Finland now. I'm glad they didn't send me on that trip. I would have murdered them.

---

Last night I had an epiphany on why my memory works the way it does. Why I have trouble remembering to do things that I need to, but I can remember images all the way back to when I was a year old.

My earliest memories. By Rizzn.

I remember when I was in trouble when I still lived in Florida (I know I was younger than three cuz thats when I moved to texas)... my dad was taking me to my room, and I remember that in my room the carpet changed colors from the hallway. I sat down on my bed... it had four posts, with balls on the end. I had a pegboard with woodgrain stuff on it bookshelf with childrens books on it (the little golden books).

I remember when my mom was teaching me to swim in my gramma and grandpas pool. They gave me milk jugs that were half full of water so I wouldn't depend on them much. They also used to take me to the public pool too.

I remember going to a little preschool thingy taught by a lady I think was named Mrs. Jordan. Her husband had some sort of back surgery where he had to have stitches that went all up and down his back, Mrs. Jordan called them rail road tracks.

Her preschool thing was cool. It was either a doublewide or a portable building or something. It had all kinds of cool toys. I didn't talk much with the other kids. There were a couple of them I liked but I didn't have a friend friend relationship or anything. Most of them were impressed by what I could draw with the etchasketch, which was cooler than the one I later got in kindergarden for christmas, because it had four knobs, and the one I got had only two.

I remember one time Mrs. Jordan took us outside by the road because there was this tortise outside that was as big as me. I know I wasn't very big, but it seemed really cool at the time.

I remember meeting my uncle tommy and my cousin tommy one time. They had loud dogs in cages.

Nobody like my Aunt Charlotte. She was the only person back then who told me to shut up and talked bad about me. But she gave me a train set for Christmas one time. She died a few years ago. Nobody really liked her.

I remember being carried around the college campus where my dad worked and this guy pinching my cheeks. My mom later told me this guy always called me chubby cheeks. I don't have chubby cheeks anymore, so I don't know what he'd call me now. Probably my name. But then again, I don't know if he's still alive or if so where he lives. Kinda sad if you think about it.

I remember one time when my grandpa drained the pool and was walking around in the bottom of it. Last year he drained it again and accidentally fell in. He is ok, though.

My grandma and grandpa had cool pool toys. One was this plastic boat that I just thought was the shiznit. The sailboat thing was cool too, just not as detailed, so I didn't like it as much. I liked toys that had insides you could see, like hot wheels and things.

I remember one time I was watching some educational show on PBS when we still lived in Florida, and a fire engine went by and my mom told me that's how a fire engine sounded. And she made all the sounds of the different emergency vehicles. It was cool.

I also remember one time I was watching a different educational show, one where this lady stands up and talks about different things that three year olds need to learn about, and my mom wanted to sit down and teach me some things, and I told her I wanted to watch this show, it was teaching me, and she got mad. I felt really bad about making her mad. I think she was sadder rather than mad. I wish I could take that back.

I remember the day we were packing up to move from Florida. My mom made ceramic things, and I can always remember us going to pick things up from the oven .. and she was wrapping up a giraffe she made next to the fireplace, and broke it. I think she was sad about that.

I remember riding to Texas in a big truck. It was a yellow ryder. You couldn't see out the rear view mirror even though it had one (the one on the winshield) because of the back part covered up the back window.

---

Those are a smattering of my memories from pre-three years old. I was analyzing in my head how I remember these things, and I figured best I could all I remember really are like details about it, and wireframes kindof like that tell me the positions .. I could go into great detail of how the room looked or what have you. It's like I have 3D studio files of what was going on in my head and when I remember it it's like it renders in my head.

The way I catalogue these things is by attaching the memories I have to objects. Some are files, so to speak, that I pull up so much that I don't have to attach them to an object or item I have, and I just remember them. But that is what makes me such a packrat. Ask my roomies. I keep everything.

And it's because it helps me remember. And remembering makes me emote, either sad, happy, exactly what I was feeling in the memory. And also it gives me that Nostalgic feeling where I think, wow, I'd like to relive that.

A memory is a lot like a GUI os for a power user. Things that you remember a lot, you don't have to use icons (i.e. objects, notes, etc) to remember. Things that you don't use a lot, you use notes to remind you, objects associated with the memory. Things like that. When you rely on objects a lot, your desktop, i.e. your living space, can get cluttered. On the other hand, if you use the command line, i.e. direct recall without visual or auditory aid, to remember things, you have less clutter.

I don't know. It's a haphazard article about how I think of things, but it's what I came up with last night right before I fell asleep.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Things are not always better in the morning."
- kat

The Pig with Turban, Fred, and Joey's Story of Fun!

Dear Diary,

The story of the Pig With Turban, Fred, and Joey
by Rizzn, age: 21

Once there was this kid who had a doggie. The doggie's name was Fred and the kid's name was Joey.

Joey and fred liked to go play in the dirt pile that was behind the kinko's copy place next to their apartment complex. They lived on their own. The kid was really smart. This was because one day the kid was on this planet all by himself.

He was playing in a dirt pile in a desert and he found this brass lamp. He rubbed it (because that's what you do with brass lamps that you find in the desert!) and a giant pig with a turban came out. The pig had blue skin and talked like Robin Williams.

He said hey there Joey!

Joey's like, hey there blue thing! Where's my wishes!

Wishes? I don't give you wishes, I'm a pig with a turban! I give you bacon in any form you want it, but no wishes.

So the kid asked for a brass lamp with a genie that gave out wishes that was made of bacon.

And Pig with Turban said, aha! I like the way you think! WE can work together. And poof! there it was.

They asked the bacon genie for a real genie. The bacon Genie was like, what, I'm not good enough? I can still give three wishes. So they asked for shovels, and the PIg with a Turban asked for some slop to eat, and with their last wish they asked for a real Genie.

The kid, he asked for a world of technology and people to run it, so he won't have to make the whole world go round by himself (that was his previous job). The Pig with Turban asked for farmers to be in the world so he could have some pig friends.

Together, they couldn't think of anything else they wanted because they had already got their other wishes from the Bacon Genie.

So the boy asked for a dog named Fred.

And that is the story of a boy name Joey and his dog named Fred. TheEnd.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "self-absorption in a macrocosmic framework. i try to be the contributing citizen, the helpful neighbor, the empathetic ear, but i'm constantly consumed with thoughts, improvements, feelings of myself, within myself. me. Me. ME. mE. me. in that order."
- ladiebug

Americans Can't Count

Dear Diary,

Hey folks. Read my previous entry.

Ok. Above is the actual ballot.

WTF?

I'm sorry. You were confused by this?

Scantrons must have been a b!tch when you were a kid.

Basically my take on this is let it be. Whoever wins wins. Whoopdee doo. Exactly the same number of people as not will be pissed no matter who wins.

So why break the constitution if the outcome is the same.

Revotes are definately unconstitutional. Everyone knows that the outcome will be different if a revote is called. For the very same reason they don't broadcast the votes on the west coast before the polls close. People are influenced to vote based on things. The results of an election shouldn't be influenced (and courts have decided they shouldn't be influenced by) things other than the campaigns themselves. After voting starts, the candidates are not supposed to influence them, the vote is a measure of what the public feels at that time.

Not a week later.

Not a week before.

At. That. Time. Period. Stop.

To continually harp on it and ask for a revote begs for things like this to keep happening:

---

Monday November 13 8:06 AM ET

American Vote Counting Gives Germans a Laugh

BERLIN (Reuters) - Three American exchange students did little to enhance the credibility of their country's voting system by failing miserably to count the number of chairs in the auditorium on a German television game show.

In a less-than-subtle dig at the United States' failure to produce a president-elect after almost a week of recounts, host Thomas Gottschalk Saturday gave the three students an hour to count the seats -- and got answers ranging from 1,860 to 2,077.

It may have been only a game show, but there was plenty of gloating Monday.

The mass-circulation daily Bild could not resist reminding readers how Republican candidate George W. Bush (news - web sites) accused his Democratic opponent Al Gore (news - web sites) of using ``fuzzy math'' in his campaign assertions.

The daily Die Welt simply added: ``Americans can't count.''

``Wetten dass?'' (Wanna Bet?) is Germany's most popular program and regularly draws audience shares above 40 percent.

---

Really folks, we would have no problems if we still did it like we did in the olden days, where the guy who came in second was VP.

Course we might still have duels like Allen Burr and Andrew Jackson over the VP slot. But who couldn't use a little more bloodshed in politics, right?

Seriously, think about it!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Americans can't count."
- Die Welt

Let's Have a Re-Vote!

AS responsible citizens, it is up to everyone who votes to makes hure that he / she understands all the races, propositions / initiatives, and how to do it. If looking you are looking at a ballot, and it appears confusing or questionable, it is up to that person to make sure they understand it BEFORE punching the hole, making the mark, or turning the lever. It just makes common sense. They did not take their responsibility seriously.

At this point I could care less who becomes President. I lean towards wanting Bush, but with House and the Senate split so closely down the middle acting as a safety net Gore could take the White and I'd be fine with it. None of the programs, legislation, or Supreme court nominees that come up over the next 4 years that are to extreme either way are ever going to pass the moderates. Its totaly up too them now as to which way we want the country to go, and I'm sure everyone will be OK with what is done.

The Constitution is in question and I can only hope that people see the enlightened wisdom and granduer of it and the Bill of Rights. And leave it alone. Regardless of what is happening in the presidential race, the constitution has provided the safety net again and the country will continue as always.

I deserve a big hug, people. no kidding around here.

Dear Diary!

Guess what?!?

I deserve a big hug!

Don't believe me? I'll prove it...

*digs thru his email*

----- Original Message -----
From: [Quyen.*LastnameDeleted*@nokia.com]
To: [my@work.email.address.com]
Sent: Friday, November 10, 2000 5:42 PM
Subject: RE: 
> You deserve a huge hug!
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: EXT Rizzn Do'Urden [mailto:my@work.email.address.com]
> Sent: 10. November 2000 5:32 PM
> To: Quyen.*lastnamedeleted*@nokia.com
> Subject: Re:
>
>
> No problemo!
>
> Attached is the ringtune file first in RTX (text readable) and then in RTPL
> (phone readable) formats.  Let me know if you need anything else.  Monday,
> I'll still be at the WIT office, starting Tuesday, I'll be back at Nokia, on
> the 7th floor near Letitia Andrew's desk.
>
> /rizzn.dourden
> Software Engineer

See how much I rule?

Plus, Quyen is kinda hot. I always thought she didn't like me, but she sounded like she was ready to throw herself at me after I bailed her out for her big presentation today.

We'll see, eh? Marketing chicks. Who knows.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "You deserve a huge hug!" - Quyen

ok, sorry, semi-serious again. in which i discuss the nature of reality

I read this on LapisLong's message board:

---

i do not need my beliefs validated. i KNOW what i believe. i am interested in what other people think, feel, and believe about a lot of things and i am always happy to see a view ~ especially if it differs from mine.

i am by no means an expert. but i cannot believe that God in omnipotent simply because i cannot believe that child molesters run about hurting us all by the grace of God. i believe that God tries as best as possible to teach and love the ones God made and in turn, does not completely control us. i see God's justice and some of the ways God has done work through us. i have seen some of the times God just couldn't get through. my experiences make up who i am and have shaped what i believe, i cannot deny this. i am what is locked up in my head, but who is to say we all exist? what if we are just figments of Connie's imagination? There really is no guarntee of anything.

---

This response is not a personal slam to the author who wrote it.

To me this mindset is what keeps us back as a society. The mindset that keeps us from accepting what hundreds and thousands of years of people's wisdom and study has brought them to a consensus about yet we still don't fully understand.

If you want to call that having faith, then so be it. If you can't find evidence to back up theories that have had evidence shown in their favor time and time again for the past 2000 years, I imagine that's your issue.

What I cannot accept, and will not accept from a person is that we are all figments of someone's imagination or reality is not real! I will not! That is a cop out, an easy out of a philosophical debate, or subject for mediocre science fiction.

There is not guarantee of anything? Bunk, I say. Let me give you some guarantees.

The sun appears in the east and disappears in the west, for most of the people on earth save artic and antartic residents, on a regular basis.

Bullets, when shot from guns, aimed at your head, will make holes in your head.

If you jump from a nine story building and land on pavement and have no means of slowing your descent, the laws of gravity will ensure your death or manglement.

In controlled experiments, if you try the following things 10 times in a row, you will recieve the same results 10 times. 100 times. 1000 times.

Get the point?

There are absolutes. There are truths. There is reality.

Here is where the point is.

If you can't wrap your mind around the large concepts and accept them as reality start small and work up. If you can't wrap your mind around the large concept of God as an entity to start with, start with the bullet theory.

If you can't wrap your mind around the idea that there is in fact such a thing as right and wrong, and they are objectively applied to ALL people, subjectively applied, then start with the laws of gravity.

If you keep tripping yourself up on the idea that "What if reality isn't real." junk you are never going to progress or change in your philosphical beliefs.

Perhaps I should rephrase that.

All those people out in California that the rest of the world refers to as fruits, nuts and flakes? You know them? I've got ten bucks that says every one of their theories starts with questioning reality, and ends up with the great chicken in the sky who is really inside all of us, our world exists within the great golden egg which was laid by the great chicken in the sky who is really inside all of us.

You don't see the connection now, but trust me, I've seen it happen before. You won't think it's such a bad idea when you arrive to it. You might be all about it. And then one day you'll be 87 years old, and you'll look back at your life and wonder oh my gosh, how the hell did I come to believe I was a golden egg yolk apprentice acolyte for the great henhouse in the sky?

And then you'll remember your old buddy Rizzn and think oh man, I shoulda listened to him, he's not as wacko as I thought he was.

Rizzn, Rooster-in-Chief for the UberHenhouse

whak thud yay

Dear Diary,

Hi diary. I people read my diary, or at least I can infer that people still do. Malk said today that she was going to write a rebuttal to my short statement on abortion, or at least that is what I guess it was about. And then Elyse wrote a little bit saying she at least respected my opinion, which was somewhat gratifying to know I'm not totally out in left field (or I guess that would be right field). At any rate ....

I don't like pissing people off or enraging them. I like to engage people into discussion. So don't take it the wrong way Malk. Sorry.

But today I don't feel serious. I feel silly ... could be the result of drinking too much coffee. Could be the result of listening to Celine's voicemails that she sent me (and thank you for that insightful Pooh and Eyore story).

By the way, if you people want to hear my voice and send me a voicemail, call 1800 222 6000 and go to extension RIZZN444. And you can talk about how hard it is to find the "z" button on a telephone. Darn my name and it's z's. By the way, don't worry about leaving long messages. Just know that it cuts you off after exactly 2 minutes, and also I don't have a time limit on how many minutes of messages.

I feel special today. I got to drive the Crackmobile today since CBL stayed home today.

I like soup.

I also solved major problems for Nokia today. Yay for ringtones.

And I got speakers for the computer at work.

Yay for speakers.

Yay for yay!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "now it's whack! and thud. and i'm not sure what to feel like."
- xoxoxox

Soo, Soolaimon. Soolai, soolai, sooliamon.

Dear Diary,

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

I want to go home and go to sleep. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am going to the doctor tomorrow.

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

Yes. Neil Diamond Rules.

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

People piss me off. I went off on someone yesterday hardcore. I never do that. Something must be stressing me out. I wonder what it is. I am so oblivious to how my world works sometimes. I'm just an actor playing Rizzn in my own life.

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

Delirium takes over me as I fight staying awake until my ride arrives. Someone will need to carry me into the apartment and hook up an IV to keep me awake once I get in.

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

Somehow I got assigned more tasks in the ringtone and covers project at work that no one told me about. Or maybe I wasn't me when I said I'd do it. One of the two.

Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

/rizzn (with the help of Neil Diamond)

Put a pony in your hair, not your underwear!

Dear Diary,

I have been sitting on this entry for a while, and I'll piss people off by saying it, but it's topical, its what I believe and so there.

I am against abortion.

Principal reason I am against abortion is because I was an unwanted pregnancy.

I had a good life. I had a wonderful childhood, never wanted for anything. Sure my parents had some tight times, especially when I was three, my parents moved from Florida to Tyler to capitalize on the late 20th century oil boom, which failed promptly upon our arrival.

So my parents were screwed for money for several years. Then they bought a house, which got forclosed on due to the guy who sold it to us's mismanagement of funds.

But I had a good life, and my parents pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and made life for themselves and the family.

I was adopted.

My mom had a hysdirectomy when she was young because of reasons I don't fully understand. But she wanted to have kids really bad and so did my dad, but they were unable. So they adopted my sister and me, both at birth, 2 years apart.

They waited on a list for a year before we were available.

When I hear the term unwanted pregnancy, I laugh, because there is no such thing.

There are adoption centers all around the world, there are Gladney centers where pregnant teens can go and discreetly have themselves taken care of until the child comes to term. If the biological mother doesn't want the child or cannot care for it, there are hundreds of capable parents literally lined up to take care of the child and provided it a good safe home because they are unable to have children for one reason or another.

But look at me. I plan to make a difference in this world. By the time I die, people will remember my name, and my contributions to society will be invaluable, and people 100 years from now will go "how did we ever get by without that Rizzn guy's contributions to society."

I know this to be a fact.

What if I was never born? What if my biological mom was like, umm, no one will know. What if she never heard of adoption processes?

Things would suck for me. And it would suck for the world. Because I am going to make a difference. I am going to be the poster child for adoption. Because I am just that cool. :)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I'm pretty darn upbeat about things."
-Possible President-Elect George Bush

Ewoks an Droids

Yub nub,
eee chop yub nub,
ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene,
g'noop dock fling oh ah ----

Yah wah
eee chop yah wah;
ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene,
g'noop dock fling oh ah ----

Coat-ee chah tu yub --- nub;
coat-ee chah tu yah --- wah;

coat-ee chah tu glo --- wah;
al-lay loo ta nuv ---

Glow-ah,
eee chop glow-ah;
ya glow-wah pee chu nee foam
ah toot dee awe goon daa ----

Coat-ee cha tu goo;
(Yub nub!)
coat-ee cha tu doo;
(Yub wah!)
coat-ee cha tu too;
(Ya chaa!)
al-lay loo ta nuv ----
al-lay loo ta nuv ----
al-lay loo ta nuv ----
AL-LAY LOO TA NUV!!!

/rizzn

chung chung goes the reunion

Dear Diary

I update yet again, right before I get kicked out of the office. I am waiting for my ride, and admiring the pretty dallas nighttime skyline.

I read this entry. People. You just can't make this stuff up -- this is why we don't do e.

I mean I enjoy a good extasy roll as much as the next guy, but people who say that there are no long term effects to habitual eating of e have never met people like ectasyraver.

I need to take a whiz. BRB.

---

Hrmm. Well. On to topics that people say "I didn't need to know that" about.

I have been feeling like I need to get with a girl lately. I don't know why. Right now is a horrible time financially for me to get with a girl. I have all kinds of money sunk into nutshellonline.com (please people, buy service!) It's a horrible time resource wise, in that I'm spending tons of time working on work things and getting the businesses going.

Plus, I'm about to be a millionaire. I mean, I'll have chicks all over me at that point.

Maybe it's my biology going, hey, you are about to be a millionaire, so why not find a girl who likes you for you now and not for your money.

By the way, that's no sh!t about being a millionaire. Right now, I'm assured with about 90% degree of accuracy that I'll be a millionaire between 3 and 18 months.

Which is something I've been having weird dreams about.

Talk about weird dreams! Did I tell you about the dream I had that had triangle man in it? I had a dream that triangle man was teaching me to fly. And all my friends were hanging out with me and triangle man. And the we started getting picked on so I flew up about 65 feet, picked up one of the bullies, and dropped him.

He squished.

And then there was this dream that I went back to my 10 year reunion for highschool and I was super successful, and all the girls that never talked to me then were all like, well, this is really sexist, but they all wanted to suck my penis. !!!

I'm not joking ... all these snobby girls whose parents were snobby were all like hitting on me, and being crude and saying, "wow, if only I had sucked your dick in high school, I'd be your wife and I'd be even richer!"

Y'see, the highschool i went to had mostly rich people in it. So everyone was high and mighty. My dad made a lot of money but it wasn't old money, he was new blood to the town so we weren't 'in' -- my parents always told me that the snobby kid's parents behaved just like the kids!

That's something that blows my mind. My parents may be crazy, but the know how to act in public. They could fit in with rich people and not embarrass themselves. Why would people of my parents age not accept one another?

Just goes to show you that there are no such thing as grown ups in this world, just bigger kids.

That's the secret of the game, and when you realize that, you can manipulate everything you see!

I'm going to wait outside in the coldness for my ride now... cya

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Chung Chung Chung, Magitek Armor!"
- crackbaby

dairy erotica can make you money

Dear Diary,

Is it just me or are more and more people putting erotica (the nice name for sex stories) in their diaries?

No one in my immediate circle has it in there (no one on my people that beat ass) but as soon as I mention that I'm sure they will.

Well, take that back, reality has, I think. And then ladiebug did it. and there's this whole diary called mysexlife devoted to it. The day uncle bob, kelly or dread start writing erotica is the day to start looking for the four horsemen.

Hee hee. You know, if I start noticing a growing trend of people writing erotica, you know I'm going to butcher it in an attempt to be funny about it. I seem to be good at writing children's book style stories (I don't know, maybe because I feel like a 6'4" kid most the time), but I think a sex story written in children's book style would be hilarious, if not bordering on a major no-box check.

I've been linking things in my diary like crazy lately. Notice that? I think I'm going to write a program that is going to link every single word on a page of text to something relavant.

Just because I like to waste time.

People could use it and it would be a valuable service.

Yeah. I think of money making (read: time wasting) site ideas all the time!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "SO I finally got a diary yay!The first time I tried going to this site I went to dairyland."
- starryangel

Politics: the biting snatch of truth!

Dear Diary,

I was on the floor today at work in front of the copy machine. Why was I on the floor? WEll, our jicky little printer/copier I was using for copying like 700 pages for a code review on our ringtone site is a POS, and requires someone to hold up the paper so it doesen't jam.

Luckily, I'm an inventive individual, and I got a plastic knife to replace me. I downsized myself.

At any rate, the point of me bringing up me being on the floor is that it reminded me once of when I was a kid, and we were at Foley's department store, and my mom was trying on clothes in the women's dressing room, and I was on the floor outside of it waiting for her. I looked into the dressing room area just as this lady with a short skirt and black panty hose or stockings or something walks out and points at me scoldingly and says "I saw that!" and walks off hastily.

I remember feeling so bad because I wasn't really looking up her skirt. And I told my mom that a lady told me I was looking up her skirt and I really wasn't, and she told me not to worry about it. I didn't feel so bad about it then.

---

There is this Russian chick who works in the office across from mine who's skirt I'd like to look up, but she'd probably catch me, and I'd have to tell my mom to recieve absolution.

---

Hey Malk, haven't you been listening to what the Democrats have to say about Ralph Nader?

"A vote for Nader is a vote for Bush."

I've already stated that I was going to vote for the hulk, however in all seriousness, I'll probably vote for Bush, and let me tell you why.

Unfortunately, it's the only vote that makes sense. If I vote for Gore, I might as well stab myself in my cock because in undoubtably would result in the death of the internet. His policies on control of the internet make 1984 look like a toy poodle compared to the werewolf he would impliment. Anyone who believes as much of his own propaganda as the Goremeister is about as delusional as ... well, Bill Clinton.

Ralph Nader? Well, his economic politics are just plain absurd, and would also hurt our service based economy horribly. If it were up to Nader, we'd be an isolationist 2nd world nation. Sure, he's got some good ideas. I won't even get into that drug thing... well, okay, I will.

But not now.

Buchanon is the only fellow that is the perfect match for me in office. He's not nearly as horrible as the media makes him out to be. He was just an easy target in the 1996 elections, what with it being all trendy to bash the Christian Coalition (one of his bigger supporters of the time) and everthing. Econimically, he's got a few bad ideas (i.e. removal from nafta and wto ... but for very good reasons), and his conspiracy theories are based on the same facts mine are based on, and he comes to the same conclusions. And that's the main reason why he won't ever be elected. Is because he talks about them openly and they are public knowledge.

But then that delves into my conspiracy theories.

Which I will talk about some other time (gee, I've been promising that for what 11 months now?)

Basically, I won't vote for Buchanon because I know he won't get elected. He's not going to magically come up with 57% of the popular vote in a few days here.

Bush, he's the one to do the least amount of damage in office. He hasn't done bad at all for our state. Whole hell of a lot better of a governer than that pill-popping stupid wench we had before him. (Ann Richards, for you people who aren't familiar with Texas Politics).

Texas has done much better with Bush as governor. Of course, governors do as much for state affairs as, well, presidents do for national affairs. Which is about nothing.

I mean really, all we are voting for here is a figurehead. Which president is likely to least appear like an ass on international platforms. Figure that question out and you find out who you can vote for.

Or you can vote your conscience.

Or you can vote for Hulk Hogan.

(considers that thought for a good 15 minutes)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Very interesting, not far into the movie a woman that this guy was copulating with turned into a spider and when he escaped there were great knashing teeth where her snatch should have been."
- uzume
(ed: NO NO NO!)

poke poke, rambling!

Dear Diary,

Erwin Schrodinger's cat enigma could be solved with a simple modern invention.

Plexiglass.

The description of Schrodinger's Cat:

"In 1935 Schrodinger published an essay describing the conceptual problems in a brief paragraph in this essay he described the cat paradox."

"The cat finds itself inside a box along with a technical gizmo that sends a photon towards a filter and records whether the photon passes through or not. If it doesn't, nothing happens. If it does, the photon trips a device that breaks open a vial of poisonous gas, and the unfortunate cat dies. The experiment is set up so that there's a fifty-fifty chance of the photon passing through the filter. Accordingly, once you open the box and look inside, there's a fifty-fifty chance the cat will jump out. "

"That's all very well. The difficulty arises, as Schroedinger pointed out in 1935, when you start wondering what was happening inside the box after the photon measurement was made but before anyone lifted the lid. It's simple enough to say that the gizmo delivered a photon, the photon either passed through the filter or it didn't, the vial of poison was broken or not, and the cat died or stayed alive. "

"Once the photon hit the filter, a quantum measurement was made, and subsequent events ensured that after that time the box contained either a dead cat or a live cat. But that assumes that the photon striking the filter was enough to constitute a measurement. What if, on the other hand, it takes human observation to trigger the measurement? In that case, it would appear, the cat must have been in some indefinite quantum cat-state, neither dead nor alive but potentially either, until someone opened the box to see. But what can it possibly mean, if anything, for a cat to be in some undefined half-dead, half-alive state? "

End quoting.

So at the very worst of the worst scenario, where it is the whatif the cat must be observed yaddah yaddah, make the box out of plexiglass or glass. Problem solved. Altogether, a ridiculously easy paradox, and the crux of the problem is thus: What Schrodinger was saying, at least from what I can interpret, is that how can we know what reality is if we can't precisely measure exactly every property of it? What I say is we make assumptions, not uneducated but educated assumptions on what reality is until we have perfected the measurement techniques to define it.

But let me say this. Sure, reality isn't readily defineable in all aspects. We don't know exactly what makes gravity work. But say I adopt the belief that gravity doesn't apply to me. Because what's true for you doesn't have to be true for me. And say I sincerely believe this with all my heart.

I think we all agree that I will probably hold true to that belief up until the time I hit the pavement after I've stepped off the 9th floor balcony here at work.

I can sincerely believe things, and be sincerely wrong.

I cannot say simply because I don't fully understand something that it can't be accepted as a reality that applies to all people. To do so is folly. There are inalienable facts about this universe that apply to all people. I don't know all of them. I know a couple of them. I don't understand all, nay, even a fraction of them. But I'm willing to bet my life they exist and willing to admit I maybe wrong about a few.

But based on the evidence I see, I draw what I see to be safe conclusions about certain facts that I hold true. Among these are a) If I fire a bullet into my skull, there will be a hole thru my head where the bullet traveled thru it b) If I try to break the law of gravity from the top of a building, I will die c) the way I interpret things of a spiritual nature are correct in total, all these things based on the evidence I have observed.

If I don't believe these things, it will be detrimental to me in the end. These are all my subjective perceptions of reality. Based upon objective evidence. If I based all my perceptions of reality my beliefs would be a) I can fire bullets into my head and they might bounce off b) I can leap buildings in a single bound if I want c) everybody is right about what they believe concerning God and spirituality.

But you see, I hold a belief that I am right, and someone who disagrees with me is wrong. I don't hate the people who are wrong, just that they drew different conclusion based on the evidence they see or didn't really observe the evidence.

Naturally, I think it would be a better world if everyone believed my way, but that's just a panacea in my mind. I know I can't convince everyone to think the way that I do. All I can do is offer the objective evidence that a) reality does exist b) what I think about crucial aspects of reality is actually true and c) now doesn't that feel better now that you are right for a change?

Hehheh

Anyways, enough rambling. I'm actually just trying to avoid staring at my cube walls for hours endlesly. Send me some email! I'm bored!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "poke poke, forkface!"
- celine

No Box!