Wednesday, May 31, 2000

Where's that music coming from?

Dear Diary,

I'm finally up and functioning for the day.

I've figured out what I'm going to do when I'm rich that will make me eccentric.

I'm going to hire a band that is going to play fantasy music behind me all the time so I can pretend I'm in a console rpg.

heheh

I am in such a blah mood. no energy.

I am watching the dreamcast simulate a game between the bucs and the bills. Full quarters.

Bucs are kicking ass, as always.

I love how the computer simulates the Buccanneers. They always win. ;-)

I am bored and unmotivated. And high from this nicotine buzz.

Therefore my entry is short.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "So to appease the Fairy Princess of Foophooville, I produce an update."

- crackbaby

China Chicks Are Not Good Chat Partners

Dear Diary,

How do you like the new layout?

I've been on a creating HTML kick today, doing all sorts of HTML ninja things.

Yup. Kicking electron 1 and 0 buttocks. That's me.

Right now that silly chick from china is trying to send me her frickin huge ass bitmapped picture of herself over icq and it's going at like umm, 0bytes per second it says.

Great. I should be here for the rest of my life.

Oh, how sweet, we'll grow old together trying to find out what each other looks like.

Why do I subject myself to random idiots from ICQ? Why? Am I really a masochist at heart? hoo boy.

I was going to say something very witty in this paragraph. But I forget what it was.

This stupid girl keeps saying Oh my God. What's up with that? like Oh my God, ICQ is going slow. Oh my God what do you mean you live in Texas. WTF man? This conversation is going like we are both stoned. She'll ask me something, I'll give her an answer, and the next five messages will go like:

Her:Really?
Me:For real.
Her: you aren't kidding?
Me: nope, not at all.
Her: Oh my God!

grrr

Why can't Kat or Kelly be on now. Or Malkavia. Or a host of other cool people to talk to besides them? Or not even a host, but just one other cool person. I'll settle for that.

grr.

okay. enough grring.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I swear I'll drop out if I have to do any more of this 3d shit. Seriously, I'll drop out and join a cult in protest. The kind where everyone shaves their head and wears nikes. I'll be a loser, but I'll also be content in the knowledge that when the space ships come for the chosen (i.e., me), those evil 3d teachers of mine will be left behind. Ha."

- action_grrl

Tuesday, May 30, 2000

Gurreat Guys

Dear Diary,

Long night ahead of me. I'm going to be up all night being weary and working on this song called No Need for Promises, it's actually a remix of the anime theme song to the series Escaflowne.

I'll post a link up to it when I'm done.

But I do have the words to it right here:

Say, when you love someone
Does anyone become this lonely?
Say, do they embrace suffering
Deeper than the dark night ?

Everything exists to brighten the two of us
Surely

I love you, love you
Gazing at you with my heart
I believe in you, believe in you
Even in the cold night

Say, when in love, will the end
Eventually come to everyone?
Say, would you abandon a heartbeat
Even clearer than the blue sky?

I run along the path of the season changing wind
The whole way

I love you, love you
Gazing at you with my heart
I believe in you, believe in you
Even in the cold night

Even if I'll lose tomorrow
Even if I'll lose tomorrow

And I lose you as well
I want to shine with all my heart

I call to you now in tears
I don't need your promise
You were present because it gave me precious strength

Now I call to you with my eyes
I don't need your promise
Now I reach out for you with my eyes
Even in the cold night

Ahh, cool lyrics. Even better with the music.

In a few minutes, I'll have another crackhead chat log for you to view. ;-) Some crackhead from China is talking to me now.

/rizzn

Friday, May 26, 2000

Whazzup in Tyler

Dear Diary,

I'll admit, I'm more than a little nervous about the prospects of the situation that I have created, but excited at the same time, because I know it will be a challenge.

What I speak of is the business deal I came down to negotiate. I spoke with Mahfood, and things went better than I could have planned.. maybe a little too well.

We have project to start looking into coming this Tuesday. It's going to be a major project, and require a lot of attention and help.

So I'm in Tyler the rest of the weekend gathering talent to see if they are available/willing to help us out with this.

I hope that all continues to go well!

In other news, yay! Kelly is back. I knew she would be, I'd just have to bug her into it or soemthing like that. I mean, we can't have dland without kelly.... it'd be like dland with out andrew, uncle bob, tenderpoison, dlove, or something like that. I mean, we're talking about the poster children for dland. ;-)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "it's better if you just pretend it's a national geographic thing and save the questions for later."

- crackbaby

Thursday, May 25, 2000

Michael Mahfood just rules!

Dear Diary,

I am so excited. You are looking at the diary of elated rizzn right now.

i'm expecting fone calls, so I'm going to keep this short and sweet so I can go offline when I'm done.

But the deal is the whole thing is a Cosmic Misunderstanding .. a definate case of mixed messages.

Cox wasn't accusing me of hacking them. My old boss, my business contact that I spoke of, the webdeziner I used to work for called me up this morning at his usually before dawn time and let me know what was up. That my name was brought up was pure speculation and wasn't a scapegoat this time.

It is true that I have been a scapegoat in the past when some shite hit the fan shortly after I left, and I have heard some bad things about my former cowerkers that said they were kinda two faced to me.

Yet this time it seems they are innocent of any blame, and aren't screwing me. Which is good.

What is even better, is that my old boss brought up the business deal with me that I was going to bring to him!!! He offered first! It's better than I could have ever hoped for.

Late last night one of my buddies from Tyler came up to visit, was in town, just dropped by, and I'm going to hitch a ride back to Tyler with him and come back later on by which means is yet undetermined.

So that's the scoop.

I'm so excited, I might even change my imood! hee hee!

/rizzn

National Drama Day

Dear Diary,

Welcome to national drama day. Hope your life is as dramatic as everyone else's in the world.

If something dramatic hasn't happenned to you or someone you know today, watch out, before the clock hits midnight, it will. This I predict.

Tomorrow I am going to Tyler to take care of these problems with my old bosses and employers. If they aren't receptive, I will come back the week after with lawyers, and see if I can end up owning the company or something. That would be fun.

Then at least it would be run correctly. They could blame me all they wanted for stuff then. I'd be running the biatch. ;-)

Back to the grindstone.

Also, in other news, everyone needs to write kelly a letter and tell her she's not superficial. Cuz she's not. In her own way, the diary she writes is a portal to what she's thinking. I will miss it, and I know you will too. I bet if we all write a letter to her saying to put it back up, that we don't think she's stupid for saying she's shutting it down and then bringing it back up she will. ;-)

Write her here

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "It's been swell, but the swellings gone down."

- super fast kel

Wednesday, May 24, 2000

Seeing Red

Dear Diary,

Today is going to suck royally, I can tell you.

But before I go into detail about how much this morning already sucks and I only got up 42 minutes ago, listen to a little story I have to tell you.

There once was this boy named Rizzn. He was about 16 years old or so maybe? Maybe 15. But he was into bbsing and all things computer.

Then he met up with this big fat hacker guy that was really cool named John Richmond. John Richmond was starting what's called an ISP. This ISP was called "Internet Tyler" for that was the city in which it was started. John Richmond gave Rizzn and his friend Crackbaby free accounts for life because Rizzn and Crackbaby got them their first 1000 accounts.

Basically, Rizzn and Crackbaby were solely responsible for the company staying afloat. But Rizzn and Crackbaby were content with their free accounts just because hey! it was internet!

I mean, Rizzn would even go out on his own time and install internet accounts on other people's computers for free, just to get them signed up. What's up with that?

Then one day, three other people, one named Jeff Strout, one named Newt Farrar, and the other Kent Davis, invested in Internet Tyler. Just so they could expand quicker.

Later on, Rizzn's capacity for Internet Tyler became free lance web designer. But once again, Rizzn got shafted, when they hired an inhouse web designer. Rizzn didn't care much though, cuz he had his free internet account.

Then even later on, Rizzn got hired as an inhouse technician. One of three total. He stayed on the core team for a long time, then got moved to in house web designer, then got moved to network technician.

All in all, Rizzn had been there for all four years the company had been in business. He was as high as you could go in the company without owning it. And he was only being paid $8.50 an hour. But it was ok, because he was workaholic, and loved his job.

Then one day, they bumped him down from network technician basically due to office politics. Then they moved him from having a job to no job at all due to the fact that they had been bought by a major corporation and Rizzn had unwittingly broken a corporate law. Or something.

Rizzn was crushed. But he still maintained his loyalty to the comapany, and always referred his friends to get jobs there, and referred customers to there.

That's my story about the best job of my life.

Ever since then though, they have been blaming all kinds of things on me. Any time something goes wrong, they blame it on Mr. Rizzn. The mail server went down the week after he left. They blame it on Mr. Rizzn.

Someone broke into the NOC or something later that month, so they install a million dollar security system, and blame it all on Mr. Rizzn.

Rizzn's roommate got fired basically because he lived with Mr. Rizzn.

People that secretly hated Mr. Rizzn that worked there pretended like they liked him -- and the sh!tty part is that Mr. Rizzn didn't ever find out which ones they were.

This may sound like I'm making all this up. I'm not really. Ask Crackbaby. For real, I am not making this up.

Why is today a bad day? Why am I bringing all this up today? Because first thing this morning, one of my agents in Tyler tells me that Group M7, this web firm I worked at after I left Internet Tyler and has really close ties with Internet Tyler, is accusing me of hacking them and setting up illegal accounts.

Okay.

Here's the scoop. I'm enough of a hacker to know that Internet Tyler's and consequently GroupM7's security sucks. That's common knowledge. It doesn't take much to figure out that they don't change their passwords.

I'm not a vengeful person. No matter how much they try to paint me to look like one, which they have been ever since I got fired, I am not a vengeful person. If I was, i would have gone straight home, and erased their routing table. Because I sat their for five minutes in the router when I went home contemplating whether to do it or not. But I didn't. And I still wouldn't. Because I'm not a FSCKING VENGEFUL PERSON!!!! when will they get it thru their thick skulls.

So tomorrow I trek to Tyler to clear up the bullshit and see what's going down with my homies. I needed to take care of some other stuff anyways.

I'm seeing red right now, so when I can see straight I'll write some more.

/rizzn

Tuesday, May 23, 2000

Have an Introspective Day, muh homies...

Dear Diary,

Walking back up to the front door I thought of a good idea to write an entry about, but I quickly discarded as I sat down to actually write it.

So I'll write about something else instead.

Writing in a public diary really is something different than writing in a private diary. It has to potential to do a couple different things in your life.

Everyone wears masks. Everyone, I don't care who you are. Who you appear to be to your friends is probably a different person than who you appear to be to your parents, and different friends get to see different masks.

What does this arise from?

Is it shame? I think so. I think that everyone has certain aspects of themselves that they are ashamed to put forth to certain people because of what they think if you put forward the whole truth.

Throuhout life we develop these masks. Heavy masks. As we continue life, certain masks become so routine, they become an embedded part of our lives. We become the masks. At least we become the masks that we put forth the most.

Let me give you a for instance.

When I was a wee little tyke, I wasn't always the confident Mr. Rizzn you see before you today.

I was a nerdy little kid. Always serious, a mama's boy. I told my mama everything that happenned. It didn't even occur to me to be untruthful. Don't know why, just the way I was.

Then middle school hit, and the mama's boy was extremely unpopular. Not like he wasn't unpopular before, but he was just more unpopular because middle school is cruel like that. I got beat up on a daily basis, basically because I was a 70 lbs weakling and everyone knew it. (no exaggeration).

But a magical thing happenned in middle school, and it was that I found my calling. Namely, I found computers and the online world.

From then on, I was no longer the 70 lbs weakling, I was Rizzn, the online God. Everything I touched, I could figure out and do. I don't know why this is the way I am, I just have magic with computers, nothing is a challenge for me in that arena, and I thank God for that.

I put forth the Mask of Rizzn to the online world, and found out that is where I was popular. That led to meeting friends in the real world from the online world who shared my interests, and didn't view me as the 70 lbs weakling they saw, but the Mr. Rizzn they knew on the internet.

In highschool, my masks changed a little, but not much. I grew to a towering 6'4", and gained a bit of weight so that I didn't look like a starving supermodel or something, so I didn't get beat up anymore. But I still wasn't what you would call popular (at least not until someone wanted something done with the computer).

But somewhere during that growing up period in middle school and highschool where I formed the Rizzn Mask, I figured if it worked online so well, it should work in real life.

And it did.

And the Rizzn Mask became the person I am.

How you see me online is usually how I am in real life.

Unless I am around other people not in my peer group. Then of course I have other more appropriate masks.

But you see what I'm getting at? Masks become who we are.

But what was that I was saying about diaries before I went off on this wild tangent about the masks and stuff people wear?

Ahh yes, public and private diaries.

I really don't know how a private diary would affect how you are in day to day life. A public diary, I can tell you about, because well, um, you are reading one.

A public diary can either work for you or against you. You can either use it to further build up your masks and prevent people from knowing the real you, or you can use it to become a more brutally honest person.

But one of the two will happen.

Is it more healthy to be an honest person or a masked person.

I have found that for a long while, I was becomeing a very much more honest person ... because the mask of honesty was what I was wearing much of the time in the diaryland world. Even in the face of the fact that some of my IRL friends started reading it.

What prompted this entry? The fact that I started to write about something and reconsidered due to the reaction that some of my friends.

Does this little tirade change how I am going to behave in the future? Does it change how you are going to behave in the future?

Consider the consequences of your actions. If you are not honest to all people, or at least most people, about who you are, about how you feel about things, and about what you do, and instead tell them what's not really going on in your head but what you think they want to have go on in your head, what goes on in your head will eventually change to what they want to go on in your head.

Because you will continue to wear the mask that your friends and people you are with everyday like to see until one day you will find out that you have forgotten what your real self is. Depending on how busy your life is and how introspecitve you are, you may not even notice it. But take a look at who you are for a moment, if you can. Now evaluate who you were a year ago. Is it the same? Do you have all the masks straight in your head? Which one is the real you? Or is there a real you anymore? Maybe one of your masks has become the real you.

Now that you have done that scary bit of introspection, evaluate which is better. The real you, or the masks you wear. Are you going to be happy next year when you look back again and see what you are now? Proud?

Life is much simpler when we don't wear masks. Of course you can go through your entire life wearing masks and not give it a second thought, but are you being true to yourself? Or does it even matter in the long run if you are true to yourself or not?

I think this enough deep thought for the decade. If you want, go ahead an re-read all that in place of any real content that I'd put after that paragraph. I think it's may be valuable enough to warrant further thought. Or it may be useless ramblings about human psyche. You make the call. I have some web pages to do. ;-)

Have an introspective day! Or something!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the Chat Logs)

crackbaby:  we need to get phitt a mail order russian bride.
crackbaby: he wants a russian chick now.
rizzn: why russian?
rizzn: I thought he was all about the asian sirens.
crackbaby: well.. i told him we could order him one.
crackbaby: and he said he wants a japanese one too.
crackbaby: so i guess we get him both to help him promote his image as an international playboy.
rizzn: okay
rizzn: i'll see what i can do.

Chat Log with a NutJob

Dear Diary,

I now feel I am priveledged enough to rank up there with ms. malk! I now have talked to a really weird nutjob on par with her weird nutjobs that she talks to all the time thanks to the magic of ICQ random chat.

-------------------------------------- 

ICQ History Log For:

60124417 kelpster

Started on Tue May 23 05:01:16 2000

--------------------------------------

kelpster 5/24/00 1:00 AM aaaaaarrrrrrg

rizzn 5/24/00 1:01 AM aargg?

kelpster 5/24/00 1:02 AM me maties

rizzn 5/24/00 1:02 AM oh boy.

I got a pirate here.

kelpster 5/24/00 1:03 AM yes sireee bob

rizzn 5/24/00 1:03 AM I'm a pirate sometimes.

kelpster 5/24/00 1:04 AM aren't we all

rizzn 5/24/00 1:04 AM yes, I think there is a little pirate that

dwells deep within all of us. ;-)

Pirates are cool

kelpster 5/24/00 1:05 AM hehehe

pirate midgets

rizzn 5/24/00 1:07 AM pirate midgets. hrmm..

sounds kinda crazy. wacky. zany.

I wonder if you can find pirate midgets on the

open market?

kelpster 5/24/00 1:08 AM yeaah

big money fo dem crazy lil monstas

rizzn 5/24/00 1:09 AM I have a friend (I sh!t you not) that wants to

buy a midget to serve him drugs while he tours

Mexico.

kelpster 5/24/00 1:10 AM hell yes! enslave the little maggots

rizzn 5/24/00 1:13 AM I wonder if there is a market niche for pirate

midget maggot thingies out there in the world.

kelpster 5/24/00 1:14 AM big money at peg leg season

rizzn 5/24/00 1:15 AM ooh, this is true.

All I gotta find is some midget pirates and a

bunch of wood, get some people making peg

legs, and I could be a millionaire

kelpster 5/24/00 1:16 AM a man who knows his

businessarrrrgrrrrrrrragagraaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggg

ggaaaaaaarrrr

rizzn 5/24/00 1:17 AM that'd be me. Yep. The man with the plan.

kelpster 5/24/00 1:18 AM awwwwwriteeee, whitey

rizzn 5/24/00 1:19 AM so what do you do besides being a pirate.

kelpster 5/24/00 1:20 AM i like to be a ducky in a pony

rizzn 5/24/00 1:22 AM oh, is that right?

sometimes I read books about ducks and horses.

kelpster 5/24/00 1:23 AM lets go to the zoooooooooooohoohooi

rizzn 5/24/00 1:24 AM okay.

is it open now?

kelpster 5/24/00 1:26 AM always babeh

rizzn 5/24/00 1:26 AM cool! let's go!

What's your favorite zoo animal?

kelpster 5/24/00 1:29 AM da boooomer

rizzn 5/24/00 1:31 AM ahh, yes, da boomer. that is one of my

favorite zoo animals as well.

One time, when I was in the african exhibit,

they had one right there in the cage with the

alligators! it was crazy!

kelpster 5/24/00 1:35 AM dem der thangs bitechyee leyg owf

rizzn 5/24/00 1:36 AM Hrmm. yes, that's what I hear on the street.

(no response).

I think that the fact that I let myself be subjected to this says a lot about ... something.

/rizzn

Monday, May 22, 2000

Entry of the Quotes: Volume I

Dear Diary,

At the request of my dear friend and Queen Sex Fairy Goddess person, Kat, here it is,

dun, dun, dun, dun -- the Entry of Quotes.

You know, kinda like the Quote of the Entry? Except, flip the phrase. And there you have it. Absolute plaigurism in the name of humor! I'm surprised someone didn't think of this before.

"And I am going to BUST HIS MAYORAL BALLS, BAYBEEEEE!!!"
- uncle bob

"I'm such a rebel. Flying in the face of software restrictions. Oh yeah."
- action_grrl

"With the immense pain I'm feeling inside from being more or less rejected by you [crackbaby], perhaps you can understand why I called you a buttmunch."
- tenderpoison

"You've gotta vomit like someone else is gonna clean it up."
- malkavia

"And the one Goodest Thing of this being at Curts, was that we got to pee in a real bathroom."
- super fast kel

"Like, yay, I wanna date my uncle."
- tenderpoison

"When I think of love, I think of a dog peeing on the carpet."
- joeyd

"Yay for moms. Because my mom is bringing me home a slurpee. "
- tenderpoison

"Remember that zit on my chin I told ya about a few days ago??

I think it's an ingrown whisker.

And it hurts like a domanatrix with PMS on speed."
- uncle bob

"here, i put all this time and effort into reviving my diary and rizzn doesn't even notice.

fine, kiss my ass ;-)"
- Reality

"Children, please sit down in the circle and give a big welcome to Anubis, who is here today to talk about the passage to the Underworld."
- mungleford

"We were stadning at the bank machine getting more money (duh) and all of the sudden I just said, "My tummy's warm."
- tenderpoison

"My crack team of rhesus monkeys have read every single web page ever published, and this one is, by far, their favorite"
- joeyd

(from the Chat Logs)
malkavs_angel: *grin* shh.. you know what I mean. My grammar is suffering greatly tonight.
rizzn: heh
Yahoo! Messenger: malkavs_angel has logged back in.
rizzn: sound's like your connection is suffering greatly as well.
malkavs_angel: Yes yes it is.
malkavs_angel: In ways that Holocaust victims could never fathom.

"The French-people play a lot of soccer. I'm not sure why, and I bet that they are the only country in the whole world to play it. But, I figure I'd better get used to it since I am the President of France. "
- joeyd

"I have spikey purple hair. Yay for spikey purple hair."
- super fast kel

"Mr. McFeeley is going to do something fun for me today."
- malkavia

"My daughter (almost 4 years old) likes to paint. She'll paint pictures, she'll paint walls, she'll paint pets, she'll paint herself. "
- mungleford

"Im out like Apple Crisp at IHOP."
- malkavia

"Also, yay for group hugs! "
- action_grrl

"This is my life. He's just a supporting actor - and a poor one at that.

awww, dissssss..............."
- Reality

(from the Chat Logs
rizzn: I never get [the cool kind of] nutjobs on random chat like you do tho.
malkavs_angel: *girn*
malkavs_angel: Uh
malkavs_angel: *girns all over herself*

"Wheeeee! Non-stop fun train, yo."
- action_grrl

"coookies do wonderful things to me"
- Reality

/rizzn

What, you still want a quote of the entry after all that? No way. Go home. It's 5:30 in the morning!

A really long entry about this movie I just watched

Dear Diary....

I think that the Prodigy is one of the coolest bands, and nothing anyone ever does can take that away from them. ;-)

Just so you know.

Weird stuff abounded this weekend. And it ends on an even weirder note, as I just got done watching this funky-butt anime called Memories, done by the same guy who made Akira. Really funky.

It was three movies in one. I think the weirdest part of the movie was that none of the mini-stories had any sort of satisfaction in them. There was no hero that won or anything.

The first one was about this space garbage collector. It was this band of people who were in this space ship, who's job was to go around and collect space junk. They are about to wait for the clearance to go back to the space port or something, and they recieve this distress call. It comes from some region of space known as the Sargasso, kinda like Earth's Sargasso. 'Cept this Sargasso is called that because tons of ships die there, because their computers malfunction due to magnetic radiation.

Well, they go to investigate the sos call, and they spot this big huge assed meteor looking thing, but it's made up of space junk.

They send two crewmen to investigate, and they start seeing crazy things. Like it's all space age in this elevator thing they go down to the center of it in, but then they step into this huge mansion looking ballroom. But everytime they pick something up it decays instantly or falls apart.

Eventually the come across who looks to have made this whole setup, and it was some opera chick from the early part of the new millenium (which was 2000 in this story line, she died in 2082, and it's 2100 and something in the 'present').

They investigate some files on the spaceship and her history says that she was a famous opera singer, and her husband died (was murdered) the day of her wedding. There was a lot of side story that didn't make a whole lot of difference thrown in at that point. Basically, what it came down to is that the chick was psycho, and went nuts and dissappeared after her husband was murdered.

Well, the two intrepid adventurers start having more hallucinations at that point involving the chick in question. One of the adventurers is a horndog that has two girlfriends, and wants to bang this opera chick as soon as he sees a picture of her.

The other adventurer is a family man, has one daughter and a wife. (kinda remember this, it's semi-important)

Well, the horndog guy gets envoloped in this hallucination/hologram of the opera chick and she loves him, and calls him by what her husband's name was, and family man adventurer is watching him being sucked into this vortex of space junk. And there is all this space junk he's having to blast thru because it actually looks like it's trying to prevent him from saving his horndog friend. And then after a bit, all is lost, horndog dissappears in the distance. So sad for horndog.

But wait, we still have a ship out there in space that's ready to take off and get family man and the rest of the crew out of there, right?

Well, yeah, but not for long!

Family man get's enraptured in this hallucination/hologram that has his family in it, and the magnetic radiation is increasing outside, and disrupting the ships navigation and all that. So they are getting sucked into the big ball of space junk. Prepare to be assimliated type things.

But then the big ball of junk/opera chick starts addressing family man directly, without the hallucinations for a bit. And they talk. Family man gets ball of junk/opera chick to admit she killed her husband.

And then, the junk ship outside realizes they can't save the intrepid adventurers, because they watch the shuttle pod they landed with get destroyed, so they shoot this big ball of energy at the junk heap just as family man adventurer shoots the illusion of the opera chick in the head, to reveal that she is *gasp* a robot thingy!!!

And then the junk ship is assimilated, and family man adventurer is shot out into the vacuum of space. Luckily he was able to get his helmet on, so he can breath for a while out in space, but as the camera pulls out, you can see the junk heap ball thingy form itelf into a rose bud, and inside his helmet are floating two little red-pink rose petals. Real ones, not illusions.

And then, without warning, it fades to black, and into the next movie.

The next movie starts out with this dude in a clinic getting a shot. At first I thought he was shooting up heroin, but it pans out, and there's this nurse giving him a flu shot or something.

He walks down the street coming out of there, and he's muttering to himself while he sneezes and coughs about how he's so sick and doesn't know how to get rid of it.

You can tell by the way he's drawn, he's going to be a fsck-up. Anime is good that way. Something in the way the nose is drawn, you can always tell that so and so is going to be a doofus, and you know to expect it. Memories is no exception to this, as this guy is the king of all doofii.

He works at a medical research lab. He sneezes, coughs, and someone says, try this medicine, he says, did it already (I'm paraphrasing a lot, because I'm just now realizing how long this is going for, and I apologize for it). And then he says, hey, you ought to try some of this new stuff we are working on now, it's for fevers, it should do the trick, it's in the boss's room, it's the RED BOTTLE WITH THE BLUE PILLS.

What does homeboy do?

Take three guesses. Go ahead. I won't even count the first two.

But you get it right on the first guess. He takes the RED PILLS IN THE BLUE BOTTLE. Like a DUMB ASS!

I knew it was going to happen. You knew it, I knew it, everyone knew it.

Guess what, it only goes downhill from there.

Okay, so homeboy goes and takes a nap in the break room, cuz he is so tired.

The boss, who was strangely absent from his high security office when dumbass was in there storms in the lab where homeboy usually works, and is of course stark raving mad because someone took a pill out of the top secret blue bottle.

He runs around like a chicken with his head cut off for a bit, choking random people, and then some people make note of the sweet smell in the area. Fade to morning sequence.

Homeboy wakes up and goes "Damn, it's morning, I'm in trouble, etc etc."

Walks around.

Everyone's dead. Homeboy freaks out and calls the police and an ambulance.

THEN he goes and follows proper procedure and flips the alarm they have SPECIALLY setup for such outbreaks.

And all these people come on the video screen freaking out, and then just one of them from the government comes on and explains that it's a special military experiment and tells him to bring a breifcase with the files for the drugs involved and the special pills, yeah, bring those too.

So the intrepid homeboy (intrepid is the word of the day, did you notice?) ventures out, and people are keeling over all around him, and he doesn't seem to get the picture. I mean, he steals a moped from this dude that keels over in front of him, and he crashes it, and all these birds and frogs die around him, as well as people, and he STILL doesn't get it.

Well, I'm going to make a long story short here. Basically, the drug he took was to make plants grow back real quick or something, but it reacted with the drugs he was injected with to make his flu go away.

What it did was make this whole cloud come up from his sweat glands that reacted with electrical instruments, and people, and living things, and basically fscked everything up.

This is all in Japan. He's heading from the lab to Tokyo on a moped. And this huge cloud is following him. And people are dying. And he STILL doesn't get it.

So then the entire Japanese military (this is where you have to suspend your disbelief, because as we all know, Japan doesn't have a military, it was outlawed by constitutional law in Japan at the end of World War II) is going after this mofo. They shoot tank mortar, cruise missiles, heat seekers, everything. And they all miss him. And he's riding on a moped.

Don't ask me, it's just an anime.

Anyways. Finally, the US steps in, because they were somehow behind all this mess, and they use some specialy NASA space suits to contain this guy and his oderous cloud in one of them, they finally deliver him to HQ, and he gives the guy the breifcase and the pills, says something that indicates that he's STILL clueless, then accidentally hits the release button and kills everyone in the room with a cloud of smoke.

Fade to black.

Third and final story. If you are reading to this point, be proud. This is like a three hour movie, and you are making it to the end of the description.

The last movie is probably the easiest to describe, but was the most thought provoking.

It starts out in this really metallic looking house. It's not space age or anything. If anything, it looks like they are living in a 1930's factory, but in a homey kind of sense. (not like homey g word up, but like homey it's a home sense of the word. Got it? Good. ;-)

The momma is talking to the kid, saying school isn't mandatory, but you need to wake up and go, because you need a scholarship and all that. The kid is kinda pudgy, looks to be in elementary school or something.

(completely off topic: for some reason, I just had a flashbulb memory of middle school and elementary school thinking it was going to be a long time until I grew up. Wow, I'm old. Anyways, back to the story.)

The kid and the dad are off to school and work respectively, they are both wearing helmets (as is the momma) in the style of WWI German's.

Then they walk out the door under the auspices of catching the train, and the camera pans out to reveal the city-scape, and when Phitt and I saw it, we both said "wow! that is wacked out!", or something to that effect.

What you see is a cityscape that looks like 1890's-1930's London, except on top of most of the high buildings and on the wall around the city is a bunch of turretts. Like what would be on a tank. Except MONSTROUS in size. And you realize that everyone in this city's civilization is devoted to operating those cannons and that their life is devoted to some war. Ostensibly with some other city.

The rest of the movie is devoted to detailing the day to day life, and it really is mundane. It shows the kid in school, and he's learning physics and chemistry, but they all relate to operating the cannons.

It zooms out the window of the classroom, and zooms in on one of the cannons, coincidentally the cannon his dad works at. The thing is fREEKING huge! It's probably a couple hundred yards long. At least. And it's a medium sized cannon for the city.

The kid's dad works on loading the cannon. That's what he does. He's one of like 10 people who help load the bullet off the crane, into the barrel.

They fire off a copule shots, it's a real big deal. Takes about 5 minutes to do. On one of the shots, the dad messes up, and they make him stand on the platform without his gasmask, and he has to absorb the shockwave without protection.

He doesn't die or anything, but you can tell it wasn't a fun experience.

After every cannon fire, everyone does this salute like Heil Hitler, except they say Yay or something like that.

And then it shows everyone go home for the evening.

And the tee vee news reports nothing but how many cannon shots hit. And then some sitcom comes on, it has the name cannon in it, it's supposed to be some sort of propaganda show, obviously.

All the while it's focusing on the teevee, the kid is drawing something on a paper. The dad and momma tell the kid to go to bed, and he does, and leaves the drawing there.

Right before he goes to bed, he asks his dad who it is they are fighting anyways, and the dad tells him he'll learn about it when he grows up. It's a big person subject.

The dad picks it up and looks at it... it's a picture in definate child's drawing style of the kid himself dressed up like the actual cannon shooter, not a loader, or regular worker, but a big shot cannon shooter (pardon the pun).

And all of a sudden, it animates itself, and it is this kid leading all these tanks and cannons into battle, still drawn kiddie style. He wins some big battle. Blah blah.

Then it shows him looking at a picture in the hallway of a cannon shooter. Then the kid says something kinda sad.

"When I grow up, I wanna be a cannon shooter, not a cannon loader like my dad."

It's sad on a couple levels.

Then the kid gets dressed for bed, winds up his big clock, and goes to bed.

Fade to black.

Roll credits. (in japanese, no less).

The end.

Does your head spin too? Try watching the movie. It will spin like mine I'm sure. Or maybe you people got something out of that. I'm still trying to draw conclusions. Definately thought provoking, though.

I can get the last one, pretty well, the middle one seemed kinda pointless, the first one, just made me go huh?!?

If you just read this far, fire me off an email and let me at least know that. And if you have any thoughts about it, let me know that too. I'm interested in hearing what people have to say after reading what is probably diaryland 's single most wordy entry ever. Cool?

To reward all you kind readers that read this far, here is the quote of the entry. For those that skipped straight to the quote of the entry, shame on you.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I wanna create a fruitopian society where all my friends and I just run around screaming and practicing anarchy. Yeahyeah!!"

- who else but Tenderpoison

Sunday, May 21, 2000

Blah blah

Dear Diary,

Of course I notice your updates, Reality... just been ... real .. busy. ;-) I haven't even updated my diary lately.

But actually, yeah I have been busy partying this weekend. Friday night was fun, went and hung out with my buddy and, tonight I sat up drinking all night with Josh and Phitt.

Josh is a funny drunk.

I can't believe I'm still up. it's six am. WTFman?

So it all ends up with me talking with Malk and everyone stealing the keyboard from me, so now she thinks I'm a weird-o drunk person.

Well, at least she's half right (about the weird-o part ... didn't drink enough to really get drunk tonight).

I'm out guys. like a light. i think I'm going to crash out now.

/rizzn

Friday, May 19, 2000

The story of a boy and his burgers.

Dear Diary,

Once upon a time, there was a little boy. All the time he would eat hamburgers. Hamburgers for lunch, hamburgers for dinner, hamburgers for supper.

He just loved hamburgers. Sometimes, for dessert, he would ask for a hamburger in an icecream cone!

One day he was walking over to McDonald's (because the other thing he liked to do besides eat Hamburgers was walk -- he hadn't yet learned how to ride a bike without training wheels, and was embarrassed about that) to go get a 99cent cheeseburger and he met up with this girl.

The girl was really cute, she had short hair that went into pigtails, and two earrings, and she looked like she was 7 years old.

And guess what? She was eating a hamburger!

So the little boy walked up to the girl eating the hamburger. He asked her what her name was, and she says "Jenny McDonald!"

The little boy couldn't believe his ears! This was THE Jenny McDonald, the daughter of Ronald McDonald. That means this girl could get free hamburgers whenever she wanted.

The the little girl looked at him and said, "Hey, do you want a hamburger?"

"Do I!?!" replied the little boy. This was like I dream come true.

So the girl beckoned for him to follow her, and they walked to the McDonalds down the road. Once they went inside, they started walking towards the bathroom, and stopped in front of that little door that says "Employees Only."

Little Jenny pulled out her keys and opened up the door.

Once inside, they went into the kitchen where all the happy hamburgers were placed under the heat lamps waiting to be sold to happy hamburger eaters, some in happy meals, others in just plain brown bags.

But inside there was a secret door behind where the spare heat lamps are kept, and when you go in there, there is a tree growing with hamburgers waiting just to be picked and eaten.

And Ronald McDonald lives there!

So the little boy and Jenny McDonald sat there and ate hamburgers until Ronald had to do a commercial shoot or something. But eventually Jenny and the little boy grew up and got married and always ate hamburgers in the special place in the back of McDonalds, and hung out with Ronald and lived happily ever after the end.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "You have lowwww standards."

- Tenderpoison (speaking in reference to my taste in 99 cent cuisine).

Gimme that ol' time teevee

Dear Diary,

I haven't updated in a couple days, so I'm making up with it with a copious burst of updates right now. When I should probably be doing something productive like cleaning my room or my car, or sleeping.

But instead I'm writing about burgers

Burger is the word of the day. If you hear it, scream like they used to do on Pee Wee's playhouse.

That was a fubar'ed show. Just like Ren and Stimpy. What the heck were they doing on television for kids? Both of them were laden with hidden messages. Like on pee wee's playhouse, pee wee's friend Cherry the Chair always wanting guys to sit on her? And that gay guy who alway dressed up in cowboy boots and running shorts? Or on Ren and Stimpy, when Stimpy and Ren's cousin shut the closet door to play in the kitty litter box? I mean seriously, you HAVE to construe something dirty from these things.

People wonder why our generation is so screwed up. Sheesh.

Nowadays, they just come right out and say it. Hi! I'm Al Bundy, I'm a fscked up person in a fscked up family! Hi I'm Jerry Springer, I've got morons who act like they are transvestites and white trash on my show! We talk about cheating on each other to get ratings!

Of course I don't watch tee vee much anymore. I haven't had cable since I was in jail (that was only for a week or so), and before that, I didn't have cable since I worked for the cable company.

I've also been informed that Little Shop of Horrors was a fscked up show too. But now that you mention it, yeah it did have a lot of S & M references. Like the dentist inflicting pain and stuff and getting off on it.

Oh, and perhaps the most devious of all fscked up shows, one about an alien that was cute and fuzzy living with the perfect family, except the alien always ran around eating cats. What's bad about that? Analyze that for a second. Cats. Pussy-cats. Alf liked to eat pussy! He would chase the cat's tail. Chasing tail. Come on!

That's ok, I didn't realize that until we started making the alf speaks homepage.

Perhaps my lack of tee vee watching has prevented me from seeing subtly fscked up programming or something. Do you know of some? Tell me about it!

Latahs...

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Did you ever wonder if your mom gave dad a blowjob right before she kissed you good night?"

- crackbaby

Wednesday, May 17, 2000

people on crack, becca style

Dear Diary,

1. consider it pimped

2. getting a tech job is easier than you think. really it is. anyone can do it. i can do it, you can do it. this thug i knew named jason who couldn't make a folder in windows could do it. trust me you can do it.

3. in light of that go friggin easy on your self! sheesh.

4. and you! remember that you have friends to help you out in times like this. we care about you.

5. you know who you two are. take a break from drugs. i tell you this for yourself. i'm taking a break. you should too. its going to screw everything up for you. and then your friends will be sad, and you don't want that do you?

Oh dang, i'm going to cut this becca style session short because I just remembered today is the day I stop smoking cigs and start smoking a pipe again. (i used to smoke a pipe, long story, ask me about it some time).

And Lumpy is coming over for a visit in a copule hours.

Feel free to critique my becca styledness, i was trying it out to see if it would work. hrmm. I guess you can tell I've been hanging out with kelly online all day if I start doing that, eh?

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "People .. a lot of people .. are on crack. Some in good ways, some in bad."

- super fast kel

Mega-Hugs and Mega Uhgs

Dear Diary,

Okay, the hug advisory for Kat has been upgraded to a megahug advisory, so send hugs her way. She's seriously not doing happy right now because of her grampa situation. I know how it feels, cause I was a little younger than her when I lost my grampa to alcoholism too. It bites.

Kelly said it best: "It just bites. Death in general can bite my ass."

At any rate, I'm writing this entry because I was harrassing kelly for no reason and I realized that my actions weren't productive, and I needed to make them so.

But my whole day hasn't been unproductive. I fixed some spaghetti that my mom made me this weekend and ate it, instead of fast food, (good stuff!) and I made a new website.

Ahem... Okay, the spiel:

Do you not have the courage to break up with your significant other? Things just not working out? I have your solution! Random Breakup Generator v1.0! Just fill out the simple questions on the form, and a breakup letter that is "cordial, succinct, and heartfelt" will be mailed to your soon-to-be-former-significant-other.

heheh

Oh yeah, that url: http://whazzup.org/randombreakupgenerator

It's fast fun free and productive.

Anyways. i'm going to go eat some more spaghetti. Good night gracie.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I'm back now, mr. quicktorespond."

- Phitt, to me in a chat log today.

Tuesday, May 16, 2000

Crash. Into me, even!

Dear Diary,

I'm so tired right now. Kim, the girl who had a cube next to me at CompUSA called me this morning at 11:30. She missed me, she said. And she called me to talk about trying to get a job where I'm going to work so she could be with me again, since it's so boring at CompUSA now, apparently. I was very flattered.

Whoo, tiredness.

Right now I'm listening to a re-mixed version of Dave Matthews Crash ... it's got all these record scratches like a dj's up there playing with him. it's very neat for that kindof song.

"crazy, for you... oh and you come crash into me, yeah, baby and I come unto you.... like boy's dream...."

It's such a soothing song. I love Dave Matthews.

hike up your skirt a little more, and show your world to me.... like a boy's dream.

Talking to Kel. I can tell she's feeling down about some things lately ... which is unlike her to appear down. Hopefully I can cheer her up. I don't like my friends to be down.

Send her a hug. And while you are at it, send Kat a big hug for me. She's kinda down too. Her grampa isn't doing too well. And Skunk Girl, well, she's feeling lonely because Daniel's not there right now, I'm guessing, so let her know she's loved, too. Because right now I'm all about the free hugs.

I'm such a sap.

I watch you there, thru window and I stare... but you wear it so well, time has been twisted the way I like to be, for you, for me, come crash into me.

And I'm listening to Dave Matthews. I'm about to lose my membership card to the man club if the wrong people read this!

Hrmm. Before this goes any further, I'm going to ummm, go check my email, yeah that's it. ;-)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Today we went on a "hay ride" at Fot Edmonton Park, except there was no hay."

- Tenderpoison

Monday, May 15, 2000

Britney Spears is just the coolest!

Dear Diary,

Can Britney Spears Do It One More Time?

By Rizzn Do'Urden, Associated Press Writer

DALLAS, TX (AP)- Flip on MTV these days, and you're likely to see a young, pretty blonde singing a fluffy pop tune with a mixture of innocence and burgeoning sex appeal. It could be Britney Spears. Or Christina Aguilera. Mandy Moore or Jessica Simpson.

The rise of the teen pop queens can be traced back to 1998, when a then-16-year-old Britney debuted with ''... Baby One More Time.'' Not quite bubble gum but not sophisticated pop, the danceable beats and her sexy yet childlike image propelled the Louisiana native to the top of the charts.

Now 18, Spears is set to release her follow-up album, "All I Really Want," on Tuesday. Can she repeat her success against increased competition for a fickle teen audience?

We think she's hit the jackpot this time, and for your viewing pleasure are the lyrics to this next sure-fire hit:

You tell me you're holding hands
like you can't take your nose away from me
it's not that I don't want to carry out the garbage
but every time you philander I move away
I wanna believe in Santa Claus
'cause it sounds so juicey, exquisite, and filling
but if you really want me, put your seats in an upright and locked position
there's things about anatomy and physiology you just have to know
(CHORUS)
sometimes I make out
sometimes I masturbate
sometimes I'm scared of heights
but all I really want is to cuss a lot
treat you right, be with you twice a day
baby all I need is polio
I don't wanna be so geek-face
every time that I'm alone I being so darned cute
hope that you will sleep for me
you'll see that you're the Joker
I wanna believe in Space Ghost
'cause it sounds so disgusted
but if you really want me, comb your hair really fast
there's things about Malachai you just have to know

...

The rest of the article was stupid, so I clipped it, just thought I'd share.

Thanks Kel.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "...but every time you philander, I move away..."

- Britney Speares.

Maudlin Rizzn

Dear Diary,

I had a crazy and terrible weekend. I'm not sure how much I should talk about it here, but I'm going out on a limb and hoping the wrong people don't read this and saying what's actually on my mind.

For the record, I've given up hard drugs. Nicotine, THc, and Caffeine are my friends now.

I spent the weekend with some old friends from my home town, and they got me fubar'ed worse then I've ever been, and it was all fun and games until someone's girlfriend flipped their lid. And it was kindof contagious, too. A bunch of people flipped their lid for a few minutes, including yours truly.

I've never ever had a bad trip, bad drug experience, until now. My mind was on such sensory overload that it couldn't store all the information long enough for me to form complete sentences. And I felt sober in all respects except for that fact. And it scared me. I got what they called in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", the fear. On top of that, I was imagining I was saying things I wasn't, and I was hearing things that weren't there. Getting word soup, word association type things. Words were coming out in a jumble. If someone wasn't sitting there freaking out about it, it wouldn't have been half bad, I probably would have enjoyed it, or it may not have even happenned, but someone started experiencing it and voiced it, and it became contagious, and almost everyone started having it for a short period of time.

I got over it, but the girl that was there didn't until the next day or so. About 24 hours later.

Up until that point it was the most fun I'd ever had, but at that point the weekend just got pointless.

On top of that, I got to see how my friends were throwing their lives away. They are so deep into the drug scene it's going to take literally an act of God himself to get them out. They are staying on drugs of all kinds four to five days a week straight.

I saw someone I know who has been a hard core druggie, but knows how to handle himself and knows when to say when ask for help that night. I saw a girl totally flip out and almost not come back that night. I saw a girl I knew since middle school collapse literally on the floor because she had been up for 5 days on meth and coke. I saw one of my friends blather on for hours on end in word association mode thinking he was normal, and then tell me he didn't like himself when he wasn't on drugs.

And the person from my hometown who is most known for his meth binges and being out of control was the person there that his head on the most straight. He was the one who knew when to say when. All that is what scares me the most. It makes me sad. Sad to know that two to four people I know are not going to make it, and there is probably nothing I can tell them to let them know what they are doing is a path to self-destruction.

I know on the path I was on I would never head that direction that they were on ... I'm in Dallas, I have level heads around me that would let me know I was doing bad, plus I have my own conscience that blabs at me all the time about stuff like this. I just don't know. Sad deal. Powerless about it.

I'm not preaching to anyone out there reading this to change your lifestyle. It's your lifestyle. But maybe consider those around you who care about you, and evaluate where your path is going to take you and see if they approve, and see if it's worth keeping their friendship and love for you to continue down that path, or they may have to do with you what I'm going to have to do with these guys -- just cut their ties.

I mean, I'll still visit with them I guess, I'm not going to be cold. But they will know I'm different about it, and I guess we'll be all cool again if they take the hint and come around, but I just cannot subject myself to their continued abuse of themselves.

I imagine at this point I'm only rambling and belaboring the point, so I'll quit.

In other news, I visited my parents after I sobered up. They were cool, they gave me a little spending money to keep myself alive until I start my job, which is a first with them, and helps out alot.

Plus they are going to sell my piano, and give me the money for it, and I'm going to pay off all my debts with it. Although I doubt it'll help my credit rating, it sucks ass, but I guess every little bit helps.

Hoo-aahhh, heavy entry. I'm not feeling as depressed as this entry makes me feel, just a little maudlin I imagine. And bored. My principal mood is bored. ;-) someone come online so I can talk to you!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "They are really gay. Seriously." says Jayne. "I don't know if I want me in coma or them in a coma." She told me after the wrestling match.

- super fast kel

Friday, May 12, 2000

A REally Long Entry about Something of Substance I think

Dear Diary,

I am have a so so day. Which is interesting since I got up late enough to just see Kat just come online.

Let's see, the email I've gotten today. Hrmm, this looks interesting, and email from a girl I don't know. ... Oh wait, its from e.emily@uo.com. She want's me to play Ultima Online again. Well sorry, I've done that before, y'all screwed up the system, and no more for me.

Hrmm, what's this, and email from HomesickAlien. Ahh! he gives my music his stamp of approval! Yay! How happy am I now.

Hrmm. I was reading Entropy Heals today and she had a good entry about how much school sucks. I'm forced to agree with her on this.

I graduated high school, yes, but I never went to college. Which I think is how it should be. Unless you are going to be a doctor or a lawyer, there is no reason really for a high school education in this world. If you don't know your stuff by the time you are in high school, chances are you won't.

Everything in school up to about 6th grade is ok. But 6th grade is where they start feeding you the propaganda. "Get ready for college, everything you do from here on out is what counts." They make every grade sound like it's life or death. If you don't keep your grades up in middle school, you'll get dropped out of your advanced programs, and then you won't get to be in them in high school, and then if you aren't in them in high school, you sure as hell won't get into college! At least that's what they are saying.

Let me tell you a little secret. It all goes back to 1973 in a court decision called Roe v Wade.

Short interlude: I was just reminded by my idol and object of worship Kat that I am to be sure not to forget to praise her name throughout this entry. End short interlude.

Okay, so Mr. Rizzn, what the heck does Roe v Wade have to do with anything. Don't worry, I'm not going to go off and spark an abortion debate or anything, just going to state some facts.

1973 is when the Roe v Wade decision made abortion legal. In 1972, around 15% of all births for the year were aborted (and legally -- I don't know what constituted a legal abortion back then, but that's just what government statistics say). When abortions were made legal, in excess of 1/3rd of all babies that were to be born were aborted.

Stats come from Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, Vol. 43, No.50 of December 23, 1994 published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

What does this have to do with education?

With one third less competition, in 1991, 18 years after Roe v. Wade college enrollement dropped dramatically. Really, I'm serious, they did. It was in the news at the time, and this was a time I was still paying attention to news. (don't ask, I was a twisted little kid -- now I try to avoid the news as much as possible). I remember listening to the radio some time around the end of 1990 and hearing about them talking about the predicted decrease in projected enrollment in college. And it came true.

Ever since 1991, they've been making it easier and easier to get into college. They added a curve to the SAT test where if you can print your name correctly on the form you get 600 points. You think I'm joking but I'm not, Crackbaby will back me up on that, that's been something we've laughed about for ages.

Up until about 1996 or so, colleges were lowering their requirements to get in, and then in 1997 they started raising them again, due to public outcry -- basically smart kids who had been brainwashed that they needed college were pissed off because stupid kids were getting scholarships and that they were competing for. I stopped tracking things about colleges after I lost interest in them and knew for a fact I was not going to go to one by choice. I'm not sure what current trends are in that area.

By now, I'm sure colleges have adapted their enrollment processes to account for one third less enrollment than a decade ago. But as our population gets bigger and bigger, stats indicated that one third ratio stays constant (sometimes more, never less), and one third continues to grow as a larger and larger portion of American children. Meaning as time goes on, colleges are going to have to continue to lower their standards to get warm bodies in, or create 'adult education' programs to grab all those people who missed it the first time around.

But what it boils down to is do you need a piece of paper to do what you want to do for a living? If you are going to be a shrink like my dad, you need that piece of paper. So you go to school for a pointless 4-8 years, and you get your piece of paper.

Are you going to be a doctor? Okay, you go and get your piece of paper. Congrats, you can now legally slice and dice on people.

Lawyer? Go back to the hole, stay there for a few years, go to the bar, grab a drink, take your exam, go rip people off. It's what you do, revel in it.

Other than that? What do you need an education for? Nothing! ESPECIALLY the IT/IS industry.

For instance, at this new job I'm going to be going to -- I'm going to be making exactly half of what my dad was making about 10 years ago and supporting a family of four on and living in a nice middle class neighborhood.

I slept thru high school, and I didn't go to college. I just played on my computer, and now I'm making money playing on other people's computers.

This is how it works folks. Turn your hobby into a profession, and make money at it. This is what America is really about. Not going to school, working within the system, being brainwashed, being a little government manipulated peon for the rest of your life.

I think that this entry has rambled quite a bit, but hopefully it has made it's point. If it had one.

Hrmm. How about we settle for a minute of quiet pondering of what I said, and draw your own conclusions? Will that work? Okay 30 seconds, we don't want to over do it.

*grin*

Okay Thanks, I knew you'd see it my way. Take it sleazy y'all I'm out this biatch.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Many of you think "Hmmmm...did Uncle Bob attack his wife's crotch with a cigarette lighter??""

- uncle bob

Thursday, May 11, 2000

Crackheads

Dear Diary,

Guess what, you are in luck. It's only been like 30 minutes since my last entry, and since I'm the only person that I know who's online, and making my own warning level go up on AIM lost the magic at around 45%, I'm writing another entry.

An entry about crackheads.

We bandy the term crackhead around like its nothing, and by we I mean myself and probably just about everyone who reads my diary, but I really think that the same people who use the term on a regular basis are probably crackheads themself.

But now-a-days, it seems that people who are the biggest crackheads are the most popular. Observe if you will:

Me. I'm a crackhead, yes, but not too crackheaded, hence my nominal but not overwhelming popularity. Then I introduce your friend and mine, Crackbaby, who I think is one of the biggest crackheads (and I mean that in the most crackheaded way possible) I know, and whazoom, he's like a dland god or something.

Not convinced? Kelly aka super fast kel aka Kelly is Soo Sexy. She has admitted to herself and the world that she is indeed a crackhead, and I don't think that there's a person in the world who doesn't dig her diary.

Need I go on? Uncle Bob, God love him, is a crackhead. He's one of the funniest crackheads in the world, and I read his stuff everyday, but I do believe I cannot lie in saying he's a crackhead.

So what kind of twisted society do we live in where crackheads are cool? Hrmm? Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you.

Okay, that's all I got. Go back to your normal life now.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I hate life! I hate people! I want them all to die!"

- My pissed-off friend James Smith

I'm not Famous! Yay!

Dear Diary,

Today I have a secret mission. But I cant tell you what it is, but he knows what it is, but that's only because he gave me that mission.

I performed one very productive task this morning already, I created a homepage for all my music, well, all two that I have uploaded right now. ;-)

I found out who did the original whazzup parody. Some writer named Philip Stark who left Comedy Central's Southpark to join Fox Network and in his spare time created the Superfriends parody. Yay.

No where in the article that talked about it did it mention the most popular whazzup site in the world, mine! Whazzup wit dat? huh?

Oh well, some day I'll be famous for something.

Off I go to complete my secret mission! See ya folks. Thong tha thong thong thong.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Today I hate you in a good way. "

- super fast kel

Tuesday, May 9, 2000

Rizzn Attacks the Sleepy Monster

Dear Diary,

How are you today? I'm doing much better. I got a job today, I start sometime this week I think. It's administering web servers. It's not as much as I'd hoped, but its only a two month job, and they'll have another for me by the time I get done with that one that kicks a whole lot more buttocks, so I'm told.

Well, I read leah's plea for friends to get on aim to talk to her and I do so and she ain't there. What's up with that? Oh well.

I updated more web pages today. I made myself a real live homepage, and updated the About the Authors section on whazzup.org. And we have a new alf picture as is seen below.

And to celebrate my exciting day I ate 4 jumbo jacks. That was 4 of the best spent dollars I've spent all week. MMmm mm delicious.

Hoo boy, exciting day or something. I'm all wore out. I guess I'll take a nap or something. heheh.. yeah, enjoy that unemployment while you can, riz-boy.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Gadzooks...Uncle Bob snuck up on the sleep monster yesterday, tackled him and stole a bagful of sleepy sleep for himself."

- Uncle Bob

Monday, May 8, 2000

Monkey Biscuits: A Very Malkavian Entry

Dear Diary,

Another entry consisting of nothing. The main reason I made it was to showcase a quote of the entry that I didn't want to forget about later. But I will enter an entry worthy of it because well, I don't want to have an entry that's entirely plaigeristic or whatever you would call it.

So I'm going to do a treatise on monkey biscuits.

Monkey biscuits, what are they? If you are like me at the first mention of monkey biscuits, you might think it's a veiled sexual reference, but no, its biscuits that you buy for monkeys.

Commonly found in pet shops, monkey's hands, and at the corner monkey store, monkey biscuits are useful mainly for eating, namely by a monkey. Like a spider monkey or something.

And in addition, a monkey biscuit can keep a monkey busy, aleviating the cleanup time when a monkey slings his sh!t around.

Sometimes monkey biscuits are consumed by humans, and 18% of humans surveyed said that the monkey biscuit could be a tastey substitute for spam and spinach.

The end.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry:"He's been throwing shit at my head all day."

- malkavia

(ed(crackbaby): is that kinda like the monkeys at the zoo?)

This is me re-typing my entry ... AGAIN

Dear Diary,

Remember me? Just making sure because I can't seem to get a diary entry out either to SQL errors in line number 4 or my freaking computer rebooting on me!! the only word I can thing of here is RAWR or something.

Well, at any rate, I just got icq'ed by someone I haven't talked to in quite a few years, SnoBunny from Seattle (Hi there!)

But man, it's been a long time since I've talked to her. Reminds me of my past and the different person that I was 'back in the day.' I wonder if it is possible that the person that I was could have survived to May of 2000. Would anyone have wanted him to, is another question. Sure, some people would want him to stick around because of sentimentality, or they are his parents or something, but I think the me of the now would be a better substitute of the me of back then.

Ho boy, long discussion with Kat about doing drugs. And her compelling reasons to stop.

That's another thing about me that has changed. I truthfully can't tell you if it's for the better or worse. Some friends would be on either side of that fence. I'm not really riddled by guilt about it like I used to be, but I still have yet to reconcile it with my philosophy.

And I um ... forgot what I was going to put in this paragraph.

Note to self: falling on butt on tile floor because someone left a remote on the ground in a dark room is not fun, do not do this again after today.

No calls from people with jobs today. I still need to get one more paycheck from my former place of employment, which will help me out quite a bit. Still need to pay off one more fine to keep my arse out of jail again.

And I updated lots of webpages and I'm reviving some old ones for your viewing pleasure. Redid the layout of whazzup.org too. Check it out it's neat.

and other stuff. I'll finish the jail entries tonight or tomorrow. over and out

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "First off ... thanks SOOOOO much to all of you who either sent e-mails or signed the message board or sent flowers or cash or small foreign cars to my home in regards to my father's illness. And to all those that simply wrote "I LOVE YOU" in your emails...I haven't read them all yet because every time I open one, my machine screws up royally. But I PROMISE that I LOVE YOU TOO!!!! And I will answer your emails as soon as my machine keeps shutting down and making siren noises every time I open your emails."

- unclebob

Crackheads, oh the crackheads...

Dear Diary,

G-Force is an awesome plug in for WinAmp. That is how I have spent my evening/morning today.

Hopefully tomorrow comes the fateful fone call saying 'you have a job where you get paid real amounts of money! Yay!'

It probably won't, but it never hurts to hope i s'pose.

There are some new whazzup videos on budweiser's site i think, or at least they are on the air, and I need to get them on the website. Fun stuff there.

And then the crackheadedness set in.

Everyone go here for you daily dose of crackheaded-ness thanks to Crackbaby and I.

Are you a crackhead? Crackbaby is in search of you. As we know there are *stern voice* crackheads and then there are *silly voice* crackheads. I imagine Crackbaby is more in search of the latter than the former, but if you fit into either catagory, email him to be in his legion of crackheads.

Once again, I'm audi5000 y'all...

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "We then pushed eachother up in the murphy bed.. yes, we have a murphy bed and might i add that it awesome."

- lil'trickster leah

Saturday, May 6, 2000

Rizzn is not Rizzn last night

Dear Diary,

I come off another trip on a friday night ready to face the weekend. Ahh.

I'm really sorry for not writing lately, it seems as though all my inspieration has left me. I just don't feel motivated to write much anymore. But that reflects most of the rest of my life ever since I've gotten out of jail. Blah blah.

I just feel socially obligated, so I plod forward, knowing that it will get better, but it could get worse. I've put safegaurds in place to prevent that from happening again, but oh blah yadda ya... that last thought got lost in the cracked out train of thoughtwreck going on in my head.

What did I spend the trip doing? I sat and contemplated for about an hour or two. Acid just seems to run through my system fluidly now, not really affecting me. I get heightened thought and amazing clarity about my life on acid that I don't have at other times, but other than that and that funny feeling I always get that lets me know the drug is taking effect, I don't get much else from it.

Perhaps it's just a bad batch.

I find it funny that the only thing which gives me that much clarity about my life is a hallucinagenic.

Perhaps that is some irony that merits some silent thought.

Or perhaps the drug plays with you and says I will give you the illusion of clarity for your amusement.

Or perhaps its time for me to go to sleep and get off it.

But after that I spent the night watching Phitt and Crackbaby playing Frontmission. Then I went back to the arduous task of unarchiving some absolutely incredible .mod files from my old system (and some absolutely terrible ones).

And the rest of the morning listening to them.

Oh the memories.

It's time to go to bed now for sure.

audi 5000, y'all

Oh, by the way kids, don't do drugs.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "The sad thing in life is that "Blerg" is not a real word. I invented it."
- super fast kel

(ed: "I could not find a truer statement")

Thursday, May 4, 2000

Robotech is fun.

Dear Diary,

I stare at a blank diary wanting words to go in it.

It's more interesting to stare at the screen with the robotech series playing.

So I do so.

/rizzn

Robotech is fun.

Dear Diary,

I stare at a blank diary wanting words to go in it.

It's more interesting to stare at the screen with the robotech series playing.

So I do so.

/rizzn

Wednesday, May 3, 2000

I'm going back to bed

Dear Diary,

well, I guess it's time I stopped neglecting the diary, and write some more.

I think I'm going to work for this one place called Midwest Consulting Group.

It's amazing how much fun a balloon can be. I found one of the whippet balloons from this weekend in my pocket. I feel like a cat playing with a ball of yarn tossing it around. Tons of fun for the whole family.

Yes, as you can tell, I'm bored. Having no job sucks sometimes.

Hey, what am I saying! This rules! Watch this, I could go back to bed now and no one can stop me! Ha ha!

/rizzn

Quote of the entry: "Those are the impressions I have of Gary Coleman, though a few women I work with insist he's the ultimate pimp. Well, I'm sure they would, but they're the ones who get a little happy smile on their face when his name is mentioned."

- Crackbaby