Suckage

Dear Diary,

I just want you know that I can be played like a fiddle.

But enough of that. Oh PLEASE enough of that. I had a refreshing chat with Leah.

And as you most likely noticed, I updated the page layout. But I figure that's pretty obvious.

Today has been a day spent in a sleepy haze.

I do better work when I come in late. I don't sleep in my cube, for one.

Blah blah blah. I'm going to intentionally avoid talking about what's on my mind, because it's bo-ring. No one wants to read it.

So instead I'll talk about oompa-loompas.

Phillip and I at work decided that this company is not populated by Rhesus Monkeys, no no no, it's Ooompa Looompas.

In fact, the description of our job that we decided on is:

"Like being duct taped to a chair and being beaten repeatedly about the head, face, and shoulders with pillows by tripping Ooompa Loompas. It doesn't hurt, you just get numb after a while."

It doesn't get any better than that, folks.

Connect tha dots. La la la. I'm losing my mind.

Ooompa Loompa Doompaty Doo....

By the way, Super Fast Kel, I'm following your orders!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Life is gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, yeah life is gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now!"

- Dennis Leary

Females probably shouldn't read the quote of the entry today... justa warning

Dear Diary,

For the record, I don't care who reads this entry.

I should be in the car driving to work right now. Boy, woudl that freak the people at work out. I'd actually be on time for the first time in .... ever.

But alas, I'm going to write to you, diary. Because I'm sure that they don't really expect me for quite a while.

Well. Well. Well.

I'm not going to talk about the whole truth right now.

But my roommate Crackbaby and I stayed up till about 4 last night talking. Well, I had been asleep, but he work me up, and then we talked, and I couldn't go back to sleep after that.

My mind is reeling.

Reeling. That's a good word for it.

But hey, whatever works. At any rate, I cleared the air between me and him. I figured out the reason of the strife between him and my Girl. It was something she said a real real long time back that apparently I was present for but didn't hear that made him lose all respect for her.

She said, "I've used guys for money before, and never even had sex with them."

That's the wrong thing to say to either Crackbaby or I. We've had both really bad experiences with that in the past. I can't believe I didn't hear that. That was like four months ago.

Now I'm not going to say that she's been using me.

But ouch.

No sex with her.

She borrows a lot of money. From me.

Ouch-u!

Yes, that's the sound of a 2000 ton gear crushing my head. (inside joke, I'll explain it sumtime if someone asks me nicely enough).

Yet true enough.

Plus plus plus.....

I get this sinking suspicion she's been sneaking around on me. In that bad way. (is there a good way?)

I, folks, am an id-ee-ut!

I'm embarrassed to even type it to you, diary.

Well, as all of you know, I speak to you a lot about my girl. Most of you are thinking, sheesh Rizzn, shut up about yer freakin' girl!

I wear it like a badge. It's a big accomplishment for me! I've got a girlfriend! Geeeky Rizzn has a girl! woo!

She doesn't tell any of her online friends that she has a guy.

Most of her online friends are guys.

Now now now now now, this in and of itself is no proof of anything, no reason to suspect anything. I mean whoopadee doo. They are just online people. Worst thing could happen is she has cyber sex, which I know she doesn't do. (cybersex is really funny, topic for another time! remind me!)

But I know guys are. Online. They are fscking jackals! You know how I know this? I'm a guy!

When I'm in a relationship, other girls are off limits. If I'm not in a relationship when other girls I know are in relationships, they are off limits. Most guys bide by these rules.

She doesn't tell them she's in a relationship. These guys aren't in relationships.

I've seen them type back and forth before. It's innocent enough.

But it's MY GIRL! damnit!

Bad part is, many of these people live in the area. These are people she has sought out in the area. online! Don't ask me where she finds them. I know where, but I'm not going to tell you because that is too embarrassing to admit. But if you guess the right answer, I won't tell you you're wrong.

Oh wait, your a diary. You won't guess anything. Good.

Well, one of these dudes lives in Houston. He's thinking about moving to Dallas.

He has a girlfriend in Houston. That he's leaving to move to Dallas.

Why?

Okay more.

He knows nothing about computers, so my altruistic girlfriend decides she can educate him. And says yes when he decides to come up and visit so he can interview and get training.

I don't know what the sleeping arrangements were (i.e. if he rented a hotel or what), because I was afraid to ask.

Oh, by the way, this guys a security guard, so chances are he could kick my ass.

If he stayed at her house though, I will go apesh!t. I swear I will.

Too much bad sh!t is going on in our relationship for her to have strange guys staying at her house.

Plus, it's just not damn safe! What if this dude is a weirdo?

Plus she told me not to come over! Like she wants to hide the fact that I'm her fscking boyfriend.

Good Grief!

I don't like this, Sam-I-Am.

SO SO SO SO SO......

I'm thinking about making a surprise visit. Just a friendly time off work at lunch to deliver some lunch to my beeyootiful girlfriend. And meet homeboy.

And beat him senseless if he touches my girlfriend. I swear I will.

No.

I will not beat anyone senseles.. I'll probably just walk away with the urge to kill rising. Take three deep breaths. Come back in two days. Have a little come-to-Jesus discussion with my Girl, and then that will be it.

I'm thru with this stupid sh!t.

It's just not working anymore. She is forcing my hand. It's like she wants me to break up with her. It's absofrickinglootly retarded!

You just don't do stuff like that!

Am I wrong here? Tell me if I am. I'm serious.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (warning: this is very male piggishness, apologies in advance)

"You know what the most beautiful sight in the world is, man?" asked Crackbaby.

"No, what's that?" responded Rizzn.

"It's when you look down at a woman's face, and you see her push back that tuft of hair behind her ear right before she goes down [to suck on your little man]. Because you know what's about to happen next," answered the Crackbaby.

Dog Butts

Dear Diary...

The corporation I work for hires only Rhesus monkeys.

I have come to this conclusion.

okay okay, i'm going to fix whazzup.org now. lay off me man. you and your guilt trips!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry:"Home emergencies suck dirty dog ass."

- unclebob

70 pounds of raw fighting power!

Dear Diary,

You know, I was reading this entry of Super Fast Kel's which read:

Holy fuck I just accidentally hit refresh and wrecked what could possibly have been the best entry I've ever written.

Excuse me while I try to relive that.

Kel kel kel kel kel.... Always blame the computer! Never admit that it was your fault! Computers are made for that sort of scapegoatedness.

What ACTUALLY happenned was she was typing in her entry, y'see?

And you know how she does that rawr thing? Well, a freak electrical pulse interpreted her shift+r in the first part of the rawr as a ctrl+r, which is, if you try it now, a reload hotkey!

And her repeated punches with a sledgehammer to the escape key... alas, they were too late.

Anyways. I'm only 3 hours late today. And my supervisor just laughed about it with me. ha ha ha. it's such a funny joke. Rizzn is a late coming in fool. He's so crazy! He must not care about his job!

Ok, no one but me said that last line, but I didn't say it to my boss. I just said it in my head.

My eyes are propped open with toothpicks. Or they should be.

Like I said before, my roommate, Crackbaby got his diary last night. So no more calling him a lazy, good for nothing, big fat stupid technician ... stupid. Head. Yeah, none of that. And all the other times in the diary when I called you that, um, someone made me do it! They said they would kill my family if I didn't! With a spoon.

You can tell folks, that Rizzn is sleep deprived. He's raving like a loon.

Do loon's rave? Somehow I think not. I mean, someone hepped up on goofballs at a rave may think he sees a loon, but I don't think one would make an actual appearance.

I cannot believe I blathered on for this many words.

I think that Kat's coming home today! Welcome her back!

and OH YEAH! I've got a new WHAZZUP video for you to check out. Give me about an hour to get the link up. Thanx

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: One roommate, who I shall call Rizzn is our typical computer geek. Tall, wears glasses that are beer bottle thick, and weighs about 70 pounds soaking wet, and to get that way he does laps in the shower.

- the ever complimentary crackbaby

Transfer Monkey Madness!

Dear Diary....

Hello I am an idiot.

I stayed up all night tonite.

wee hoo!

I go to work in an hour and forty minutes.

this day will be fun. for sure.

By the way, my roommate Crackbaby got a diary last night.

We laughed at Uncle Bob's and JoeyD's diaries all night long.

Fun Steeuf

But not as fun as today at work is going to be. For sure.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "There is no justice in Hillsburgh today. "

- Super Fast Kel

never there

Dear Diary

i need your arms around me, i need to feel your touch
i need your understanding, i need your love so much
you tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
but when i need you baby, you're never there

on the phone long, long distance
always through such strong resistance
first you say you're too busy
i wonder if you even miss me

never there
you're never there
you're never, ever, ever, ever there

a golden bird that flies away, a candle's fickle flame
to think i held you yesterday, your love was just a game
a golden bird that flies away, a candle's fickle flame
to think i held you yesterday, your love was just a game

you tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
but when i need you baby
take the time to get to know me
if you want me why can't you just show me
we're always on this roller coaster
if you want me why can't you get closer?

never there
you're never there
you're never ever ever ever there

- Never There, Cake

Just thought I'd share.

/rizzn

You need to dot com down man!

Dear Diary...

My Girl acts all normal.

But I don't feel the same. Something's all weirded up inside me, and I'm not sure what it is. More on that when I figure out what's going on.

I woke up 3 hours late for work today. Missed a training session on SAP accounting software. Woo.

I stayed up till 3 last night burning cds.

Y'know, I just wanna quit. Call it quits, take a long vacation from life. Everyone. Everything.

I wanna live at home so I can be grounded to my room for a month. Just come out for meals and bathroom breaks.

La la la.

Last night was absolutely nuts. I live in Dallas, right? about 30 minutes away from me, Tornadoes touched down next to my Girls house in Downtown and totally screwed up Fort Worth downtown area. One of my roommates (it's solo_exceptional) is still missing, I don't know where he is, but he was out about the time of the Tornadoes.

I think everyone's ok, I know my Girl is, I talked to her a bit ago.

La la la.

I like that rawr thing that Super Fast Kel does with her left hand. I'd do it, but it might make me look like, I don't know, it seems to be a girl thing. Unless I did it in caps. Then it could be like a big manly lion thing.

RAWR.

rawr.

I don't know, you tell me.

Anyways, think on these things, I must reboot my machine, gotta give myself admin rights!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I need http for my bunghole!"

- Phillip Thompson, my nutzoid workmate.

why?

Dear Diary,

By the way, I was out smoking by myself about to leave and go home, when I was thinking, I realized something.

I cried last night, and I cried some today when I was writing the first entry.

No one noticed, so I'm not out of the man club. But I shed a few tears.

I haven't cried since I was in the fourth grade and my grandpa got real real sick and I thought he was going to die.

Even when I was depressed for about 3 and a half years straight about stupid sh!t, I never cried.

Even when my favorite uncles and aunts died, I never cried.

Why?

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Well Joyce and Fran where the only two people who responded and that is all. So we have cancelled this potluck for Dixie."

- Michael Robbins, A boss here, speaking of the cancelled potluck he was trying to have for a teammate that quit.

Life is so damn confusing

Oh, diary, I just don't know....

Life is so damn confusing.

I want to clarify from that last entry that when I was talking about my Girl being scared of me, it wasn't because I was hitting her or anything like that. I re-read it and it sounded kinda bad.

But she's had some bad experiences in the past and I was kinda yelling at times or at least raising my voice and I had some things in my hands that I was kinda slamming down on the couch, and she kinda got freaked out since she was already freaking.

Enough of that.

As I was saying, life is so damn confusing.

I sent my Girl an email this morning which said: "I wish to cause no further undue stress in your life, so rather than keep contacting you and keep pissing you off, whenever you feel like you are ready to deal with me, please call me or email me or message me. Believe it or not, I really do love you."

She msg'd me a second ago:

myGirl: so are we through?
Rizzn: you tell me [her name].
Rizzn: like i said when you first asked me that the very first time you had an episode out at my house.
Rizzn: I am willing to stay by your side.
Rizzn: let me rephrase that.
Rizzn: I want to stay by your side.
myGirl:k

There was a long pause. Like a few minutes. And that was her response. just "K".

Finally I got her to talk some more. I had really freaked her out last night, apparently, with my raised voice and stuff. I reassured her that I was not a violent person. Because I'm not. God knows I'm not. It's the absolute furthest thing from my being to harm her, or anyone for that matter, but especially not her.

Where do fscking abusers get off? No way! Hell no. It's such an anathama to me to consider that.

Then:

myGirl: I gotta go to the store
myGirl: Ill be back in about 30 mins
Rizzn: okay
myGirl: love you
Rizzn: i'll see you then.
Rizzn: I love you too.

See what I mean?

I repeat the refrain:

Life is so damn confusing.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "He kissed him, then made the comment that he pitied me, that boys are lousy kissers. I smiled politely and agreed. Especially him, I thought, but of course i didn't tell him that. "

- slivers

overwhelming power

Ok Diary, Here's the Scoop...

I don't see me and my Girl lasting much longer together. I think the relationship has entered it's final turn in the race, the finishline in sight. Examine if you will, last night's events.

This may be more than you want to know about uncle Rizzn over here, but while me and my Girl have fooled around together, gotten naked together, and slept in the same bed together for countless countless nights, she and I have never, er, ahem, slept together.

The reasons for this are many and far reaching. Mostly because I wanted to wait a while, I don't want sex to become meaningless, or be meaningless. As you who read me on a regular basis know, I take love very very seriously. It's not an emotion as much as a committment. I waited so long for my Girl and I to have sex because I wanted to make sure that I could really love her. I mean I knew from the moment I met her that I loved her in that warm and fuzzy way you get smitten with whenever you know you meet the one. But it isn't fair to put someone thru the heartbinding actions of sex if you aren't going to stick around. Not fair to me, not fair to you. I made that mistake once, and I'm never going to do it again.

Another reason I hestitated on committing the act was my personal beliefs. I'm in a kinda spiritual crisis lately trying to find out exactly what is right and wrong.

I know for a fact that there is right and wrong. To not believe in absolute truth is folly. I'm trying, however, to figure out which side of right and wrong I sit on.

And the final and most deciding reason why I hestitated is that I'm frankly a pussy.

Back at my last love travesty which I wrote about, long-time readers will remember, it's when she disappeared on me or a weekend, she mentioned one of the reasons that she wanted to see other people, among a host of reasons, was that I never paid attention to her sexual needs. Or hadn't lately.

Sorry guys, but this is a tough subject to talk about. I've never had a normal boyfriend girlfriend relationship where sex was involved. I'm an innocent little boy that way I guess. I'm not a virgin, sadly, I gave it up at the wrong moment, but that's neither here nor there.

My point is, I think, if I can remember it, is that I just don't know how to handle those situations. Sex was never a pursuit of mine. Not that I didn't desire it, I just never acquired the highschool skills of seducing a woman. Sorry to spoil the images you have of me as a Playa, but I'm just not that.

So at that point, I began the ponderous contemplation on what and how I should broach the subject with her. I thought, on a couple occasions that I made it clear that sex was now 'a-ok' in my book, if things ever developed that direcection. But they never did. And you want to know why? After last night, I found out.

Finally finding what I thought was the appropriate approach to the subject, I brought up after a long night of sitting there watching her fscking type on her computer to her internet buddies while I watched, after taking her out to a nice dinner, and paid for her every expense (and expense it was) at the record shop, I brought up the subject of intimacy, and in the exact words I used, I said that "an increase in our level of intimacy would be satisfactory, if that is what you want."

The bombshell: "I'm just not attracted to you in that way anymore. I don't want to be touched, I don't want to be kissed, and I don't want to be fucked. This is how I get in long-term relationships. It also has to do with my depression. My friends can testify to that."

Well FUCK ME! @#$#$@$#

Why didn't one of the fscking so called friends fscking warn me the fsck ahead of time!!!@!@#$$@$@#$%@$@*(@%&

Why did my Girl not warn me ahead of time.

"Hello, I know we signed up for a longterm relation ship with the way things are going, but in three months to five months, I'm going to flip out on you and not want to have you touch me again."

Did she think it wasn't going to happen this time? I mean from the sound of it, it seem s to happen every time, yet she still didn't warn me, just went along until I was hooked.

Every "I love you" another fish-hook into my heart, every spurned moment, it gets ripped out. I'm a ragga muffin torn up heart.

---

Well, after I pulled out every sort of reasoning and heartfelt arguement to just let me help her with her depression that I had in my deck, she ended up threatening to kick me out of the house.

I raised my voice, because she kept stepping over what I was saying and not letting me continue, when I was pouring my fscking heart out to her, trying to express how much I cared.

But in her words, "You and I are not alike, you have no idea what its like to be me. Your piddly little depressive episode is nothing what it's like to live my life. You have no way to relate to me."

The conversation ended with "Don't ever talk to me about depression again."

The night ended with her telling me she was scared of me because I raised my voice when she was freaking out. She slept in a near fetal position on the couch and told me to go to the bedroom.

I've probably ruined things forever.

I'll give you more on this (oh yes, there's more) after lunch. I need to take my mind off it a while. The problems are just too overwhelming.

/rizzn

Gaseous Vapors of Jupiter

Dear Die-ary...

I have gas.

oh man, there are calls waiting for me. I should not have come to work today. I'm not in any mental shape to be working.

film at 11.

(I'll try to tell you why in a bit)

/rizzn

hoo boy

Dear Di-uh-ree....

Good (potentially good, at any rate) news this mornin'.

I took off a half day of work to go interview for *gasp* a real job. I may get to run a network center at a company called NetworkTwo. I'm very anxious. He's supposed to call my references this week, call me back by wednesday or thursday.

Have you seen the insane bulletins up here at my work?

No, because I work here and you don't.

But one of them causes me a chuckle every time I see it. i'm probably going to steal it next time I walk past it.

"Try to avoid sexual harrassment."

Try. Just try. Don't strain yourself in the process.

Phillip and I were out smoking a cigarette the other day while discussing it. I made some comment to the effect of "...yeah, give it the ol' college try." and he immediately responded with "no no no! if you give it the college try, you will fail every time!"

/rizzn

Whazzup!!

Dear Diary...

Ha ha, that uptite mofo that just called me is chillin' out to some hold music bay bay! yeah!

Hey guys, for a second dosage of Super Fast Kel check out Tenderpoison's diary this week ... while she's on vacation Super Fast Kel is going to do some adventures of Kel and Kat on there.

Hold on, I got to get back to doofus on the fone.

Ok, doofus gone.

Um... yeah, I think I'm going to complete that house of neddin story, so get ready for that. and um, oh yeah, big announcement.

Everyone, go to www.whazzup.org.

That's my new domain name. Everyone that works in an office has probably seen this, but there's tons of people, I'm sure, that don't have high speed connections that haven't seen this little gem.

But if you watched the superbowl, you probably saw the budweiser commercial with the dudes going "whazzuuuuuup!" in them, right? Well, some guy at a radio station did a remake of that, taking the soundtrack and putting superfriends lipsynching the words.

And then someone made Space Ghost characters do it. Etc.

I'm hosting this website to capitalize on a nationwide office trend of downloading this so that I can perhaps gain worldwide fame or at least a copule hits on a cool web page.

Here's the only downer right now: I'm hosting it with mindspring, cuz I got a buddy up there, but he neglected to tell me that their MAE East switch is experiencting technical difficulties, and is causing every other fricking packet to drop. So it may be slow unless you connect with Mindspring or something.. I'm going to b!tch at them today about it to see what I can do ... but go anyways, please.

heh.

So tell all yr friends about it. ;-) Coo? Thanks!

I'll post a real entry later on.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry:

"Screw the quote of the entry, go to my new website!
True, True."

- rizzn. About 2 seconds ago.

splode

Dear Diary...

My fingers are all orange. It's because I've been eating cheetos (r) brand.

Interesting facts that you can learn from a bag of cheetos:
You can get one Ploid from a cheetos bag, which is the only official currency of fun! in the known universe.
Se hable espanol!
get your daily dosage of enriched corn meal, maltodextrim, and disodium phosphate.
cheetos are dangerously cheesy
well, cheese flavored snacks, anyway
crunchy!
Only cheese snack that's publicly endorsed by Chester Cheetah.
and of course as we all know, "It ain't easy bein' Cheesey."

How do you get cheetos out from under your fingernails?

I wanna vent about something here, but I promised my Girl that I wouldn't tell a soul about it. But some -- situation -- happened, and two people I used to kinda like did something very uncool while intoxicated which makes it very uncomfortable for me to be around them.

I'm righteously indignant about it, you could say. One of them apologized for it, but the other hasn't. And it was that individual's fault, really.

I'm being real vague here, aren't I? Sorry. But I have to.

Dum de dum.

My browser is about to crash, so I'm signing off for now. Stupid Exploder.

/rizzn

Ping? Pong!

Dear Diary,

If it's not one thing, it's another.

By the way, those that still read my diary after my poorly and hastily worded statement of my beliefs two entries ago, I thank you. No one has said anything extremely bad to me about my beliefs, so I can only assume that most of you still respect me. Which is good. ;-)

Anyways, if it's not one thing it's another. I'm going to put another disclaimer on here. If you know me in real life it's in your best interests not to read this. I don't want to know every detail that goes on in your head, and you don't want to know mine.

Ok. The rest of you can still read everything.

By the way, the suspicious hits from my hometown server turned out to be someone from dland here, who I had the opportunity to meet via AIM. So big sigh of relief there.

Other stuff that happenned recently that I haven't talked about for some unknown reason:

I'm getting a new apartment with my roommates. I decided against the thing of moving in with my girl, but we both decided that we'd do it after these leases we are currently in are up if we are still together, which I sincerely hope is the case.

I've just got to fight with my roommates to get a 6 month lease instead of a year lease. I know why they are pushing so hard for the year lease -- the same reason I want a 6 month lease. They are trying to make it more difficult for me to move out.

For some reason they feel like I have to be under their supervision. I'm not a fscking baby, damnit! I'm a responsible adult who has gone thru more sh!t than both of you will ever have to put up in your combined lives as adults. I have come from nothing and made myself something, which is something that both of you will never be able to say.

Harumph!

That's out of my system now, hopefully.

See, this is why I don't want you reading this, stray IRL friend reader that probably persisted in reading this document to the finish! What if that statement was about you? That sort of stuff would probably hurt your tender little feelings! So don't read it anymore!

(Nothing like a little object lesson to teach'em! yeah!)

Uhh, I'm bored. I guess I'll do some work now.

Bubye!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Hi son: Are you still alive? Mom and I were just wondering. Thought I would remind you that your sister's Bday is Friday. Drop her a silly email or something. Dad"

- My Dad

Great Beatings of the Millenium: Me vs. The Dude who Stole My Lunch!

Dear Diary...

Well, I apologize for not updating yesterday, but it was kinda hard when our network was down 80% of the day!!!

I just wanna say yesterday sucked. Everytime I tried to talk to one of my friends online, the friggin network would go down. So sorry everyone. I wasn't pissed off or anything yesterday, at least not at you guys, just my network.

My mind feels like mush. Which is a bad thing. I feel like I'm in the most uncreative mood ever, and there is a little worm in my head eating up my brain.

Nasty. I should think about how gross things sound before I say them.

Hrmm, anyways. I may be getting a new job soon, like I've been bellyaching about so much. Which is bad for you, diary, because it sounds like a real job that might take some real time. But good for me, because I get paid a buttload of money at this new job. We're talking a couple more income brackets up the scale here!!

But it's more along the lines of a career job, not just a filler job, like what I'm at now. Which is good.

I started a new website, which I'm hard at work on currently. It's going to be funny. I'll announce it here in a couple days.

I'm sleepy-tired. and lunch is over. no nap. dang. and someone stole my lunch out of the break room fridge. friggin' buttmunches. I will hurt them if I ever find them. or at least look real mad at them.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the Chat Logs)

Rizzn: Some buttmunch stole my tacos for lunch!
Ralph: oh...
Ralph: you should walk around the building and see where the dirty wrappers are!
Rizzn: and then commence the beat down.
Ralph: Then, beat some ass! lol
Ralph: great minds think alike!

Preachy Rizzn

Dear Diary,

There are just certain things you cannot discuss with other people.

I speak in reference to Jaelynn's entry to which Super Fast Kel referred us to earlier this weekend.

It's not that you just can't discuss it period, but you must go into it at the beginning that nothing you say will be taken personal. And with people you really care about, you have a hard time doing that.

So it's best not to discuss it at all, in most cases.

Especially when one or more of the parties tends to take things directly to heart and get all vehement about it.

My Girl and I are this way. We have skirted many political issues together, and actually gone in depth with them together, the usual end of the conversation is a realizatoin where each of us stand on the issue and the conclusion that we will not talk about it again.

That having been said, you will know the reason why I will not comment specifically on the issues that Jaelynn and "Bulldoggg" discussed.

I will say this, though: while "Bulldoggg"'s facts may have been statistically correct, his delivery of the facts was inappropriate, both in timing, and in method.

My general disclaimer on most questions when people call me a right wing Moral Majority Christian Coalition type person:

There are many things which are not entirely clear in the bible. For us [Christians] to condemn the non-Christians for sins they have committed is hyppocritical.

'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.'

'For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.'

It is only throught the blood of Jesus that we are made clean and acceptable.

I don't mean to get all preachy here, but what is being said by these biblcal references is that it is not our place as Christians to judge the un-saved. That is only the place of God. It is up to us to be good examples of Christ-like behavior so that they may see the good works of God in heaven.

So if you truly believe in Jesus as the saviour of the world, what good is it going to do you to give the turn or burn testimony to people who choose a different lifestyle than you? If you live your life right, and they decide to give their life to Christ, then if their lifestyle is truly wrong, then they will be convicted of this by the Holy Spirit in an attempt to behave in a way that is more becoming to that which they love, namely God.

For it is not what you do that determines what you are, it is what you are that determines what you do.

I am really sorry for getting preachy, all those who read all this, but that is where I stand. My personal beliefs are just that, and I cast no judgement on any one of my fellow humans. I hope that everyone who is my friend here still respects me and my beliefs and that I haven't alienated anyone because I stated them.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "My mom says it's funny watching me stumble around in the morning. And calls me Stun-Bunny. I never realized quite how silly that sounds."

- Tenderpoison

Love Other Diarylanders Day

Dear Diary,

I'm at work.

But I'm leaving to go to the comic shop.

I'll be back in a little bit.

I like this leaving short entries bit, it's gratifying, yet requires no brain power whatsoever.

Don't worry, I won't get into the habit, there's much to talk about when I get back. Not least of all, Batman! hee hee, just you wait.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Today is Love Other Diarylanders Day(tm). I figured Hallmark needed some money, so I called up their marketing department and pitched the idea HollywoodStyle(tm)." (that's today, so do it!)

- schlomo-naut

Oooh, AOL 5.0!

Dear Diary....

It is a fine day,
People open windows,
They leave their house,
Just for a short while.

It's going to be a fine night tonight
It's going to be a fine day tonight

- "Fine Day" by ATB featuring Miss Jane

Music makes the day go by so much faster at work. I'm sitting here listening to "Oonca" music and some punk cds of mine on my headfones.

Fun stuff.

Looks like it's time to re-organize the crap on my desk. Thre comments about it today. That's usually the indicator.

Just had a nice chat over Yahoo with my mommy. I told you that my mom got a Lexus, right? What the heck's up with that? My parent's aren't rich yup-yups. It has a 6-cd changer in it. My mom and dad don't even own any music cds!!

I wish I had more to say today, but I just don't. Today has consisted mostly of chatting with my Girl, and staring at my Pez dispensers.

This weekend is the weekend I attempt to finish our CD's post production phase. Look for it. Actually, better yet, just ask for it. I'll mail out a copy to anyone who asks. Because I'm not bigtime mr D.J. Rizzn yet. ;-)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the Chat Logs)

Phitt: Guys I just want you to know that AOL5.0 is out. Lets not be compulsive and get it right awaya though
Rizzn: Aww, badass! woo! I mean, uhh
Phitt: I don't know how to contain myself knowing things like this excist
Crackbaby: just make sure you clean up, man.

Everyday above ground is a good good day.

Dear Diary,

heheh... I started trying to write this entry prince style (y'know with all the stupid one letter and number abbreviations), but it was just too dorky.

My ears are still ringing. Badly. I went to a show last night. First time in a couple months I've been to a Dallas show. The Mr. T Experience, I think I mentioned it earlier. I ought to rub the stamp off my hand, b/c I was fairly last this morning, and I don't want them to get the right idea about why.. .;-)

The show was real cool. I enjoyed every band there, but Dallas punks are such musical snobs, they were assholes to the first band, a alterna-punk band from Norway called Lokomotiv (on Mammoth Records). They were a little out there, but there music was very talentedly (is that a word? ;-) performed!

But there was this dude that we met on the line trying to get in that flipped them off, threw one of their drumsticks at them, and mooned them.

Frickin Dallas punks don't know what good music is. We would have heckled them a bit at a hometown show, but woulda been cool with them afterwards. It was just incredibly rude. I was embarrassed for Dallas.

And I feel all grungy this morning.

But in other news, MY EARS ARE STILL RINGING!

It's annoying, I tell you! Does anyone know anything to make it stop? Some home remedy or something?

Ohwell.

I'm listening to my Impossibles CD, which rules, at work, right now. I'm happy about that. It makes me not hear the RINGING IN MY EARS so much!

I'm such a puss about that. Never used to bother me.

Descriptive Essay, 100 Words
by: the Impossibles

to whom it may be of any concern:
I forget this lesson each time that it's learned, this arguement that i try to defend, it's not logic its a means to an end. I'ts a feindish ploy, like you mean me no harm. It's so misconceived... but it works like a charm. If fingers clench too tightly, it's because I'm I'll lose my grip, If I think about you nightly it's because I'm afraid I might forget.

Excuse my mess as I pitch this fit, it bothers me more than I can admit... my face goes flush my head startes to ache.

I think this may be my biggest mistake.

A very masterful song. Another favorite.

Anyways. I'm not going to quote the entire album, although its very tempting.

The other bands at the show were Groovie Ghoulies, and Lucy loves Schroeder, which is cool, because the lead singer chick from that band hangs out at my Girl's apartment complex all the time.

I'm ramblin. I'm out fer now. RINGING GO AWAY!

/rizzn

Quote for the Entry: "Everyday above ground is a good good day,
Everyday you're around it makes me believe
If I'm not six feet down then I'm well on my way
everyday above ground I'm tired, oh everyday
Everyday above ground is a good good day."

- the Impossibles, Everyday

Stick a fork in me, I'm done

Dear Diary,

Woo, what a fun and eventful day. This day, the 15 of march, had a company wide network crash! Yay!

And now I am talking to a person who's POS unit will not turn on. Fabulous.

Let me tell you about my day yesterday. I had three wonderful (count'em three! One, two three!) idiotic users that were particularly noteworthy.

User one: Got all pissed off at me for the fact that his computer was not booting up.
Problem: Computer was not plugged in.
Solution: Plug it in!

User two: Got all mad at me because her printer would not print out.
Problem: User was not sending print jobs to the printer.
Solution: Send a print job to the printer.

User three: Didn't know what city he was in.
Problem: User smoked crack, or some other mind altering narcotic.
Solution: Stop smoking the crack, and ask manager what city he was in.

That was my day in a nutshell. All idiots called my extension. It was gureat.

And now I have a pos POS that doesn't want to respond to remote commands.

Calgon take me away.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Spoooooooon!!!!"

- The Tick

Cause the boys in tha hood are always hard, come talkin that trash, and we'll pull ya card ...

Dear Diary...

The stooopid fools at the Kwick-E-Loob didn't flush my power steering. Because they don't understand english. This is frickin north america, folks, learn the language, and don't come back and work here until you do. Sheesh!

Dum de dum, I'm on lunch now, and there is nothing to do... my Girl has my car, and I wish I didn't loan it out now, because I need to go to the comics store in a bad way, but I guess her getting a job taes priority over that.

Tonight I am going to a concert -- a band called Mr. T. Experience. They pretty much rule. It's Pop Punk, over at the Galaxy Club. They are my Girl's favorite band of all time, I think. Between them and Bowling for Soup.

I need 99cent burgers, damnit! why dont they deliver that kinda stuff!

I'm going to go skulk about it outside with a cigarette dangling from my lip, I'll be back. Perhaps I'll have something worthwhile to speak about.

Everyone in the company here seems to be abandoning ship. The entire POS department here is going over to Alcatel, my homey Phillip here is going over to Ericcson Digital. I need to repost my resume and get it reviewed some more. I think the company is doing some downsizing or somthing (we just got bought out about a month ago, anyways).

It's silly that they downsize when they need to do the opposite. I really don't understand it myself. But I've been at this job for a little too long, the money doesn't suit my lifestyle, I'm pretty much overqualified for it. Plus this job, if you haven't noticed, is a slack off job. I do nothing but surf all day. I need a job where I actually exercise my mind. I feel it going to mush every day, a little worse.

The scary part is, would I be able to handle a real job after this, since I've been mentally masturbating for the last 7 months here? I'm going to miss not being able to just not go to work if I don't want to.

But if I'm here another six months from now I'm going to be really disappointed in myself.

But I have decided by the time I'm 27, and no later, I will be a millionaire. I must achieve this goal or it will never happen.

Now which bank do I rob?

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the Chat Logs)

Phitt1: What type of cake do you like?
RznDoUrdn: mm, maybe pound cake, or ice cream cake or something?
Phitt1: How about something more simple like choclate or red velvet
Phitt1: You like pound cake?
Phitt1: Whats wrong with you

Sunny Days, Sweepin' Up Clouds Away....

Dear Diary,

A network goblin ate my last entry.

So so sorry.

Zip drives suck on WinNT.

And my car is fixed, and the damage is only $110. Including the tow. Which is not bad, unless you consider that the only thing wrong with it was a battery cable. Then it kinda sucks.

I posted up my "Why Batman is So Cool" on the department pegboard thingy where you post things up. Everyone agrees that Batman is cool. I am the king of persuasive writing.

Sleepy day today. Expensive day. And the sad part is there were no comics in it for me. That'll have to be tomorrow. I imagine.

Had a fun conversation with TenderPoison. Her friend is having the same problems I had about a year ago.

Sometimes you are just in a situation you know is probably wrong, but nothing your friends tell you, no matter how harshly they say it, will convince you it's wrong. The friend just has to wait around till it's all over and then say "Gee, I hate to say this, but I told you so..."

It's the problem of people like me who when they make promises, even promises to liars, they feel obligated to keep them.

My mentor is trying to see if I can hook him up with some, as he calls it, "poon-tang." I work in a nuthouse.

Want to hear a scary story? Ok, here it is.

There is this guy who works here who is a complete flamer, and also a big redneck, to boot. He was talking to Kim (the asian chick who sits next to me) one day about the aforementioned mentor's cuteness.

They both basically thought he was cute. Then he tried to convice poor gullible Kim that he had seduced my mentor. Kim was heartbroken until he busted out laughing. "I wish," is all he could say.

I dunno, I guess you had to be here.

Oh yay, now it's time for me to go. There's nothing funnier than the techno remix version of hamster dance, except maybe the smurfs them techno remixed.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Hi Mr. Rizzn! You are so totally one of my heros!!"

- TenderPoison, introducing herself to a flattered Mister Rizzn.

Dirty Knees, Look at These!

Dear Diary,

With all these people telling me to take it easy, how do they expect me not to slack off.

"Take it easy, man!"

"Have fun, take it easy!"

Sometimes, I guess people don't think about what they say.

I talked with my Girl about the moving in deal. Told her it was a tentative deal, still unsure about it. She had the exact same concerns as I did about it, which was a good deal.

She thinks she has a way out of her current financial troubles. We'll see how it develops.

I had a dream last night that was totally wack.

I was breakin the law the whole time I was in this dream. But not important laws, like federal or international or moral laws.

Traffic laws.

I was in the car with my Girl and Crackbaby, and Crackbaby was sitting up front, and I kept intentionally running stop signs. After each one I'd go, oops. I ran one in front of a cop, and he didn't even care. Cuz I didn't care.

Breakin tha law, breakin tha law. (dah dah dah dah) Breakin tha law, breakin tha law.

I'm such a rebel in society. Public Enemy number one.

I'm behaving so crazily today, even the people who are used to it at work are looking at me funny. Maybe I'm having a bad hair day or something, and they are just looking at that trying not to laugh.

Sigh.

I think I'm going to go play with my action figures now.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I am so relieved. My knee has been hurting really bad since the day that fell, and I have been feeling really wimpy about it all. - And then, I found this huge purple bruise. So there you go! Ha! I haven't completely been complaining for nothing. "

- ragnhild

Hard Road to Go

Dear Diary,

Semi-serious entry, here. I've really reached a hard fork in the road o'life. I've got to decide whether to move in with my girlfriend or not.

I know everyone's opinion on it besides my own.

Here's the situation: My girlfriend is in a hard spot financially, and financially, it makes sense for me to move in. For both me and her. Relationship-wise, I don't think it would affect us that much. There is rarely a day that we don't spend together, and I'm either over at her house overnight or she's over at mine virtually 3-6 days a week. Before she moved in to her current place, she spent about a month living at my house before it was ready.

BUT: That was kind of unofficial living together, it was short term, plus it was when we first started going out, so we never got on each other's nerves.

ALSO BUT: My parents don't approve of that. At all.

Let's go down the opinions list, shall we?

Parents: No. It's not right. You ain't married.
Crackbaby: No, I don't think you should, she's going to wind up spending all your money.
Phitt: You can if you want, but you probably will regret it. It's your life though, none of my business.
Skunk_Girl: im glad i don't have to think about that kinda stuff. - Gee, thanx. heheh.
Other Friends: Is it real serious? I'd do it.
My Girl: If you want to, it would be ok, but don't do anything you don't want to do. Although it would certainly help me out.

I really don't know. It's a decision that has to be made fairly quickly here. I'm so unsure of what to do. I'm unsure of the right decision here.

I don't want to abandon my boys, and according to the timeline in my head, this is not on schedule. But it would sure fix a lot of things if it happenned.

It's called opportunity cost. I just have to figure out what particular thing is more valuable.

Can anyone point out any obvious things that I'm missing here?

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the chat logs)
Skunk_Girl: im pretty materialistic i think
Rizzn: yeah<
Rizzn: but it's a material world, and I'm a material girl (or boy)

previous - next

Oh fun-key bay-bee, I got choo baby

Dear Diary Comma

How is you this morning? I'm gur-reat. And stuff.

Hee hee, I got to work early. Well, kinda. I got to work earlier than I usually do when I'm late. By about an hour.

I think that my car doesn't like me. When I got home from work Friday, something snapped, and now all the electrical things do not work, including starting the engine.

Chris, my friend the car expert, thinks that it's a fuse. But I checked them already, but since I didn't know what I was looking for, I could have missed something.

I love cranky cars.

My Girl is doing good. Did I already announce that she had a job? Working at an ISP, cept she doesn't start for a couple weeks. And her roommate is moving out. Yeah, I think I mentioned all this crap. REad a previous entry if you don't know what I'm talking about, you'll find it.

I'm going to do this from now on.

Both Standgal and my girlfriend agree: "i'll never work at a record store. i'd spend my whole check on music. blah." 'Cept my Girl didn't say blah after that. But the sentiment is the same.

The fact that I have to log in to the fones for the queue to be clear here is pathetic. I know I'm not that good of a tech, why is everyone else unable to perform their basic job functions. Am I arrogant for thinking this?

Um, what else was I going to say of value?

Check this out, she's a winner! (I was at my parents house when I wrote this, looking over my shoulder. Don't know why it was important I mention this, other than I thought it was amusing at the time to say).

Is it time for another installment of a story? I think so.

hoo boy. That and I brought a Zip Drive to work! Napster, here I come!

BTW, I have no email this morning to check, and I feel sad about this.

send me mail

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Sometimes I do just wanna be funky."

- tenderpoison

(ed: as do we all, kat, as do we all. ;-)

10 Hours of Unadultrated Slacking

Dear Diary....

Well, my computer just decided that last entyr I was feeding you was going to be erased. So I'm going to try to type fast and do it again. Ouch, I hate it when that happens.

News:

My Girl's roommate is threatening to move out. I wonder if I should move in with her, since my lease is up, or stay with my boys. I'm definately going to have to pay part of her rent anyways, because the job she's getting isn't going to pay that much until she gets a good job. (she's going to work at an ISP).

Phitt and Kim have been chatting all day without ceasing. And Kim got Phitt to call her today up here at work. It's very amusing to watch. Kim's going ga ga for Phitt, and I can't wait to see what Phitt's reaction is when I get home... ;-)

Kim is such a crackhead sometimes. This is the third time in a row she's played Madonna's Lucky Star. So much for her good music streak.

My Girl and I had a discussion last night. We are both 21, right. Well, she feels that she's "soo old", which is an odd thought to me. I have so much of my life ahead of me. I know what's causing the feelings of insecurity for her, is the fact that she's jobless right now.

But the skills she and I have acquired without going to college put us ahead of the game for our age. We are currently making career moves at age 21 that most people don't even start till they are out of college. Which comes after 21 usually.

Now am I just massaging my ego there, or is it actually true?

Phillip and I just declared tomorrow an official "Smoke your crack in your cubical day" for the fun of it.

You might be a nerd if you run random traceroutes for fun.

Tracing route to rose.tyler.net [205.218.118.1]

over a maximum of 30 hops:

  1   <10>
  2   <10>
  3    10 ms   <10>
  4    10 ms    20 ms    10 ms  12.127.119.197
  5    30 ms    20 ms    20 ms  gbr1-p01.sl9mo.ip.att.net [12.123.209.2]
  6    70 ms    50 ms    60 ms  gbr2-p50.sffca.ip.att.net [12.122.3.17]
  7    60 ms    60 ms    60 ms  gr2-p3100.sffca.ip.att.net [12.123.12.241]
  8    60 ms    61 ms    60 ms  gr1-h00.sffca.ip.att.net [192.205.31.14]
  9    60 ms    60 ms    70 ms  204.70.9.132
 10    70 ms    70 ms    50 ms  204.70.9.149
 11    50 ms    70 ms    50 ms  bordercore2.Dallas.cw.net [166.48.80.1]
 12    60 ms    70 ms   180 ms  internet-tyler.Dallas.cw.net [166.48.82.10]
 13    60 ms    80 ms    70 ms  rose.tyler.net [205.218.118.1]

I'm a nerd.

My sister is 19 today. What's up with that? She can NOT be that old. Well, I've got to find something for her birthday gift.

One year my sister got me a jar of Vitamin C for my birthday. I don't know why. But that's what she gave me.

I should think of something crackheaded like that.

Well, I'm going to go eat some Japanese food with my buds.

See ye Monday.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the Chat Logs)

Rizzn: this is sad
Rizzn: i remember all my troubleshooting from working at the ISP
TenderPoison: That's not sad! :0
Rizzn: yeah it is, that's space in my brain being taken up by stuff that i'll probably never use.
TenderPoison: If it wasn't occupied by that, it's probably be occupied by sex or drugs or soemthing. Better it be occupied by trouble shooting. ;)
Rizzn: heheh
Rizzn: i guess so

Kim and Phitt, sittin in a tree..

Dear Diary,

Today isn't going to be a super day.

I woke up late, which isn't a big deal. But I forgot my wallet, and my id badge for work. And I don't have enough money for cigs. Just gas to get home. But that normally wouldn't have been a problem, except that since I don't have my id, I can't go cash my check today.

Fun day ahead.

oh, guys guys, check it out. I just got Phitt (my roommate) and Kim (the person with the office next to mine)to start chatting online. heheh... being cupid is fun.

Ich bin sehr hungrig. I go eat now.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the chat logs)

Rizzn: btw, you still wanna meet peter some time, or no?

Kim: i'll meet peter as a fren lata
Rizzn: cool .. he said whenever you wanna hang out with us let us know.
Kim: when he say this
Rizzn: couple days ago
Kim: o
Kim: i jus sent peter a message
Kim: i said hi peter
Rizzn: Cool

Why Batman is so Cool

What makes Batman so Cool
By: Rizzn Do'Urden

Batman is my all-time favorite hero. And I say hero, instead of superhero, because although he ranks next to Superman and Wonderwoman, he does what he does with no superpowers whatsoever.

Batman is a normal man.

Ok, so he has more money than Bill Gates.

But you can't call that a superpower, because what has Bill Gates done for the betterment of society lately? Windows 2000? Ok, I rest my case (super-villain maybe).

But Batman had it hard. People always make fun of his alter-ego, his real life persona, Bruce Wayne, and call him things like pansy, sissy-boy, and mindless playboy, and sometimes even useless!

But Bruce Wayne doesn't care. He made them think that by acting dumb, just so no one suspects that he's Batman.

It's a big philosophical question exactly what Batman/Bruce Wayne's true personality is, to me. The real persona certainly isn't the public Bruce Wayne. It's obvious that's just a front.

But is it really Batman? Maybe that's his real persona in his mind. But to not truly be yourself unless you had your costume on, that would be kinda weird. And it would be hard to go to the bathroom.

Batman has many good principals. They stem from his experiences as a child. When he was little, his dad and mom got gunned down. There are many theories as to who it was, like Jack Napier (aka Joker), which is the most popular. There are a number of other theories, but what's important is what the young Bruce Wayne did when he was faced with that tragedy.

Some people would have grew up to be bad eggs after that. Some poeple would maybe be useless. Just be another drain on society.

That would have been the easy road for Bruce Wayne. He could have just given up on life, and lived off his inheritance, which was quite large.

But he was filled with an anger, and at first he didn't know what to do about it. He was angry at everything. Then one day when he was running thru a field being angry, not paying attention to what he was doing (it was raining, so the ground was very soggy), he fell thru a hole in the ground, into a cave, which happened to be under his house.

He saw a bunch of bats there. Now this is the part that doesn't make much sense (why exactly this is when he figured out what to do), but he figured out what was the problem with society was crime. And if he was something scary like a bat, he could make the criminals fear him and kick their butts while they were busy being scared. Which is a very good plan.

So, using the gift that God had endowed him with, which was stewardship of a large sum of money, he began to train to be a criminal butt-kicker. He learned techniques that only a few people know around the world that are quite effective.

But here is the main deal of his princples -- he does not kill. No matter what.

He believes somewhat in the rehabilitation of criminals. There have been accounts throughout Batman History of people he's rehabilitated, or brought back to a normal way of life those who would have become life-time criminals.

Batman is a good man. And he's a normal man.

When I grow up I want to be just like Batman.

And that is why Batman is just so cool. The end.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "My God, Wayne!" exclaimed Commisioner Gorden. "Could you be any more useless?"

"Certainly," Bruce Wayne replied expressionlessly, "I'm taking a course."

- pg 23, Batman: The Hill, #1

Calls in Queue

Dear Diary...

I just wanna say, Kim (the chick who has a cube... er office next to me) gets her a for the day. She just bought me and Chris pizza.

I think she owed Chris a lunch, and she is buying me lunch for burning some CDs for her.

Yes, folks, I am still working on hooking up Phitt and Kim together. It's happening sooner rather than later. Kim seem interested, and Phitt is definately. I'm supposed to invite Kim over for dinner some day this week or next, according to Phitt. I've gotta talk to the Girl and ok it with her, cuz, y'know, I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea.

Credit cards just went down for the whole company, so things kinda suck right now. Here I was about to praise the day for being so nice and quiet. I think I'm taking my lunch now. Yes, I am.

Hehheh, shirking responsibility at every turn, it's Rizzn! Captain of Team Wank! This should kindly prevent me from being number 2 call volume person for sure!

dangit. There's just too many calls in queue.. i need to get on the fones.

Argh.

I'll be back later with more insightful commentary on stuff.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Anger sucks. Hate sucks. Sadness kills."

- Akira

Chronix

Dear Diary.

Welp, it's high time I made this page, it's the page with all my friends Diary Links on it.

Reality (is Subjective) - She's the first person I met that had a diary here. We had some really cool discussions about my past and about life in general. Then she just got a pseudo promotion, and she really hasn't had the chance to update her diary. Which sucks for us. But if she gets the raise she is asking for, rules for her.

Skunk_Girl - She's this cool chick from South Carolina that's into punk rawk and having cool hairstyles and talking about fun stuff with me over AIM.

Super Fast Kel - Is there anyone who doesn't like this chick. She rules. She writes cool super-adventures. And apparently we were mutual fans of each other before we even met.

Tenderpoison - I met this cool Kat (hee hee) by finding her diary thru mungleford's site one day. She is always fun to read, and a good person to talk to.

Mungleford - I've only emailed him directly a couple times, but he seems to have stopped updating. He is always fun as heck to read. I like mungleford.

Action Grrl - I like to read Action Grrl. She has some cool things to say, and she says them well.

joeyd - This guy doesn't update often, but when he does, all my co-workers are looking at me funny cuz I laugh out loud. He reminds me of a friend I had in high school named Jesse. Absolutely nuts, but funny as heck.

I-Am-Unique - This is the coolest 14 year old I know. She reminds me a lot of my little sister. Which I guess makes her pretty cool, but means I don't pick on her enough. Have a smurfy day!

Crackbaby - yes, the Crackbaby you've heard so much about, my roomie, your friend and mine, Crackbaby.

Splork - This is another homey from my childhood. He's pretty cool. Check out his diary, and we'll see if it's as cool as he is. (just started it).

Vesper - Yet another one of my RL friends who has gotten online and gotten a diary. Pretty cool stuff, eh?

Well, I didn't get much sleep last night, so if I didn't put you on, don't feel hurt. Also, there is no particular order to these, these are not rankings and stuff. ;-) Just the ramblings of the sleep deprived Rizzn.

Malkavia - someone I've grown to read and chat with on AIM a bunch who is really cool. She's really fun to chat with, and it doesn't take long talking to her for me to laugh outloud about something.

/rizzn

Superfriends: True, True

Dear Diary,

Well, today has been yet another slack day. Pleasingly plentiful trend of those lately. Woke up late, yes, but once again, no one cares. hee hee. Cept me, and that's all that counts.

Okay.

Anyways, my girlfriend turned out to be super crazy yesterday cause she was just niccing out. Never ever, people, let me forget to keep her without cigs ever again.

I got her a bunch of papers so she can roll some till I can afford some real cigs. Darn solo_exceptional's bail making me broke. Darn it to heck.

Got started on the illustrations for the comic book, which is good.

Have you ever wondered what those little pock-marks are on whoppers? Ever since whoppers became 99 cents, I've been their biggest fan ever. But the pock marks disturb me. Usually I try not to think about them, because I know it's something bad.

My grampa used to always say, if you have respect for the law, and you like hot dogs, you should never watch either one be made. I think the same holds true for 99 cent whoppers.

And nasty, now i have this big mayonaise stain on my shirt from a piece of stray lettuce.

Well, I'm alive, just writing to say, I'm working on drawrings now. bubye

/rizzn.

Quote of the Entry: (chat log)

Rizzn: so wassup b?

Phillip: Watchin the game havin a bud

Rizzn: true, true

Stress and Worry

Dear Diary,

I know we just spoke. But I had another idea to expound upon and hopefully I can get it done in 30 minutes, because a mandatory smoke break comes up then and I don't think I could hold on to the ideas that long.

But why do people worry and get stressed out. I very rarely do. But I think the reason I don't get stressed came with a philosophy I adopted very early on in life.

Work to change that which you can. Don't worry about the rest. If you live your life right, you may not have everything you want, but you'll have what you need.

Explanation. By example I guess. The last time I was super stressed out was about the course of a weekend mounting up to the stressful Monday when my Girl was missing. It wasn't something I could control, but it was something I could work to solve. I worried about her, but I left her in God's hands, while striving to find out what I could on my own.

Example two. When I moved to Dallas from my hometown (if I ever finish the story, you'll understand the background around this), I had no money, no love, no roof, just my belongings, scattered across three counties, and my buddy Dirty.A.Sid (he made it up not me, folks ;). I didn't have a worry in the world. I mean I did, but it didn't bother me. Things out of my control, that I couldn't do anything to fix immediately are not worth worrying about.

All I needed to do was keep a straight mind to work at what I needed to do to fix the problems at hand. Two weeks later, I had an apartment, and a month later, a job. It was a tough time, but I hacked it.

When you worry about crap, you cloud up your mind. When you are stressed, you arent' thinking straight, and you jump to irrational conclusions.

I think what has most people in this world stressed about life is the illusion of control.

People, no single person in this world has absolute or even 90% control over their life. Period. I don't care who they are.

There is no need to be stressed out. Release the fact that you don't have control over your life, and work to fix that which you do have control over. If some typhoon or hurricane comes and blows over all that you've worked to acheive, there's no sense losing sleep over it. Shrug it off if you can, gripe about it for a while if you have to, but don't wallow in it, for that leads down the path of non-productivity.

Perhaps I'm the only one in the world who's mind is able to function this way. But it seems so senseless and illogical to worry and stress about things and become a burden to yourself and others when it accomplishes nothing. The sooner you learn to accept these what I consider truths, the more pleasant your life will become.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "From desk we come to desk we shall return."

- rizzn (yes. me.)

You Probably Don't Want To Hear Me Rant

Dear Diary...

Thank God for friends to talk to about problems.

I just got off the fone with my Girl. It wasn't good. She's in one of her little moods where she gets irrational and says stuff she doesn't mean. I hope it passes soon, because she said maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while because she couldn't trust me.

I don't know how that works. This is just like living at home. I never did drugs or partied when I was at home. Never went out. Yet my parents insinuated that I was a bad kid and needed to shape up. All it really was that I was out of line as far as keeping my room straight and little things. Mountains out of mole hills.

Same thing with the Girl. Three small incidents that were out of my control caused me to be untrustworthy. When someone says that their boyfriend/girlfriend is untrustworthy, it's usually because they've cheated on their significant other.

But I'm untrustworthy because I a) didn't have the money to pay her rent on time because I had to bail my roommate out of jail (traffic tickets). b) she didn't get the job I pretty much garunteed her at CompUSA because the HR Department is still dragging their feet to get an interview process started. c) I haven't found a free monitor to go with the free computer I'm setting up in her house so she can fricking use the internet to get a job because she spent all the money I gave her to live on for a leopard print coat, some vinyls, and some shoes and some pants. Oh, and let's not forget Mardi Gras.

I don't know why I'm trying to defend myself against someone who is obviously not making sense right now. She doesn't really mean it, or she won't onces she regains her senses. I just don't know how long it takes. Last time she was like that was when she had pneumonia, and was gone for a weekend. And then again, she was like that about a week ago, but it lasted I think a total of about 10 minutes.

It's crazy.

I don't want to give up on her just because she goes crazy now and then ... everyone has their flaws. Lord knows I have mine. I may seem like quite a catch, but I know I'm not. But then, no one is. I guess. I don't know. I'm going to re-group my thoughts so I can make more sense.

Well, I guess that's the last time I'll publicly complain my day needed more drama.

But guess what. I did get a raise. And I'm probably going to get a new position too. Which means another raise.

But I did get talked to a little bit about my attendance, but not my tardiness. They actually noticed that I used up all my personal days. Already. Hoo boy. This is going to be one tough year.

But apparently I'm the number 2 employee as far as productivity goes. Yeah. Me. The Captain of Team Wank over here who prides himself on slack can't help but be productive. It sickens me. ;-)

But I now get 52 cents more per hour. Yay me.

Thanks, Tenderpoison for listening to me when I was ranting. Believe it or not, all it takes sometimes is a listener (a topic to explore at a later time).

/rizzn "worn the heck out" do'urden

Quote of the entry: "Last night I discovered Macy Gray...holy SHIT! She rocks out like a fucking chicken bone."

- Kelly aka Super Fast Kel

(rizzn is the) Opiate of the Masses

Dear Diary,

What a slack off day. I'm feeling so bored.

I came into work a little late again. Ok, two hours late. They seem to be pegging tons of people around here for being late, but so far no one has said a word to me. I wonder why.

Well, my 6month review is officially a month late now. I'm probably up for a 4-6% raise just like everyone else. Woo frickin hoo.

I can't wait till I'm out of this slack off department. So I can move to a higher paying slack off department.

I certainly hope that Drew calls me back today so my Girl won't be pissed that I don't have a monitor for her computer. She needs that monitor so she can get set up on the internet and start looking for a job.

I've almost fallen asleep three times while typing this small amount of text.

Today rules.

I want to make a million dollars and retire. And I think that I would sleep a long time if I was retired. Probably for about 3 or 4 days straight. And then I'd get a nice house in the Cayman Islands. And sleep on the beach. And be happy.

Or I could just sleep in my cube.

Noticing a trend here? Where's that imood changey thing... it's going to say sleepy as fsck!

hoo boy.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Religion is like a drug--opium, maybe--and in some places people sit around in opium dens and smoke it while drinking complicated teas. In other places, though, it's illegal and they'll put you in jail for it or maybe chop of your hand. But I don't really care for opium myself. It makes me logy."

- joeyd

Narcolepsy Man: The Man of Pi Is#2

Dear Diary,

It's time, my friends, for another episode of:

Narcolepsy Man: The Man of Pi
in
Fear, Loathing, and ACTION in Las Vegas

Where we left off: Action Grrl, Narcolepsy Man, Rin, and the Backstreet Boys minus Nick were on their way to Las Vegas from the Superhero Charity Ball to see just what was up with Nick. Super Fast Kel was back at the Ranch with the Mysterious Death Chimp.

The whole crew, minus Super Fast Kel screeched to a halt in a parking lot of the MGM Grand, in the Super Fast Action Tank.

"So what now? This is where he was staying, right, the MGM Grand?" asked Action Grrl of the 'Boys.

"Uhmmm," uhmmed the Boys of the Backstreet. "No one wrote down the room number."

"Well, we got two choices, we can either knock on every door here, or I could go all Narcolepsy Man on that bell-boy's buttocks over there and see what's up," said Narcolepsy Man.

"I really don't think that falling asleep in front of the bell-boy is going to solve anything," pointed out Action Grrl.

"Good point. But you are forgetting that I am Narcolepsy Man, the Man of ..., um ...." Narcolepsy Man forgotted (forgotted? heh).

"The 'Man of Pi'?" suggested A.J.

"Yeah! Sorry, mental block."

So The Man of, uh, Pi went up to the bell-boy and challenged him.

"So, uh, Ed," read Narcolepsy Man off the bell-boy's nametag, "I hear that a certain Backstreet Boy is staying here today."

"Mr man in tights, don't think you can get that information out of me," replied the bellboy. "Unless you can recite more Pi than I." With that, the bell-boy pulled out his prized possession, a blue ribbon from the county Pi-reciting contest.

Unflinching, Narcolepsy Man agreed. And the stand off began.

"3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406
286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647 ...."

And on and on they went. For 30 minutes.

And finally ...

Someone ...

Stammerred.

Of course it was the bell-boy who faltered. For he was not the Man of Pi!

"I am quite impressed .. " finally said the bell-boy. "I challenge nearly everyone I can to a Pi-reciting contest, and you are the only one who has ever bested me. I submit to you master."

"Hrmm, " thought Narcolepsy Man. "I could use a sidekick."

"You ever thought of being a superhero sidekick, Bell-boy?" asked Narcolepsy Man.

"No, but it sounds like fun. More fun than standing here. You askin? If so I'm in," said Bell-Boy.

"Ok. You can be officially sworn in and go thru your sidekick ceremony later, but right now we need all the assistance we can get to find this Nick character," said Narcolepsy Man.

"Alrighty! sounds like fun. Yeah, Nick is up in room 432," said the Bell-Boy.

Narcolepsy Man gave the all clear signal to the guys in the Super Fast Action Van. The crew jumped out and headed over the front door.

"Who's this?" asked Rin. Still looking devilishly handsome in his superhero suit.

"This is Ed, the Bell-boy of Pi. He's giving the superhero sidekick idea a whirl," replied Narcolepsy Man

"Welcome to the club," welcomed Action Grrl.

And with that they went up to room 432. As they slowly and quietly crept up to the door, no sounds could be heard, because these are really expensive rooms with soundproofing. So really they were sneaking for no reason.

"So what do we do now?" asked Action Grrl.

"Don't look at me," said Ed, the Bell-boy. "I'm just a side-kick too."

"Well, does anyone have on an Inviso-Belt, y'know, like what Space Ghost has? We could sneak in." asked Action Grrl.

"No, but I heard Space Ghost was performing some swank tunes for swingin superheroes down in one of the lounges this weekend," said Narcolepsy Man. "I can try to see if he's asleep and get him to help us out."

"Ok, make it so," suggested Rin.

And with that, Narcolepsy Man went to the dream world.

And the superhero's waited.

And waited.

Some more.

And then....

"Well, guys, good news and bad news: Bad news is that Space Ghost is all booked up, what with the lounge singing circuit all lighting up for him and all. But the good news is that I was able to get us the Keebler Elves."

"The Keebler Elves, what good will that do us, and what are they doing in Las Vegas?" asked Action Grrl, with a little irritation.

"I figured Keebler Elves are small, so they can fit thru the vents," explained Narcolepsy Man, "Anyways, they were down in the comedy lounge filling in for the standup routine for the Pillsbury Do-boy. He had some sort of bacterial infection or something."

** enter the Keebler Elves **

"So what are we doing here for you, superheros?" asked one particularly kewt leetul elfie welfie.

"We need you to scout out what's going on in this hotel room. Think you can make it thru the vents?" asked Narcolepsy Man.

"Dude, we're 2 inches tall. I think we can make it," he replied. "Have a cookie."

So off they tromped, while our adventurous adventurers munched on Elf Graham cookies until the leetul elfies got back.

"Well, there's a guy, Nick, according to my "Hi my name is:" badge. And there was this dude with spikes all over his back," said Ernie the Elf.

"That would be Bowser," Narcolepsy Man stated, pulling from his vast arcane knowledge of things Nintendo.

"Right," Ernie the Elf continued. "Well, he had this notebook here that you might find interesting."

About four of five elves handed Action Grrl a notebook marked 'Bowser's Super Evil Plans to Destroy Superheros', and right there on page 4 was a plan to get Super Fast Kel to give up the superhero bit.

Insidious Plot #4
Step 1: Kidnap Princess Toadstool.
Step 2: Set up N64 Championship in Las Vegas to take away precious Main Squeeze Nick.
Step 3: Make prize of Championship kiss from Princess Toadstool
Step 4: Take pictures
Step 5: Send the pictures to key superheros who will be at the superhero ball.
Step 6: Collect reward money in US Dollars from Big Man, the leader of the Crackheads

"What an insidious plan!" observed Action Grrl.

"I knew Big Man was somehow behind this," said Narcolepsy Man.

"What they didn't count on was the dedication of her sidekick!" expressed Action Grrl. "Let's go in there and kick some Bowser butt."

"For sure!" they all replied. And with that they busted in the room, ready for action.

Nick was bound to a chair, and Bowser was getting up and ready to face them. Acting quickly, Rin ran at him and was going to punch him, but was forced to abort that action as a fireball came straight for him out of Bowser's mouth.

"His weakness is you have to stomp on his head three times!" Nick yelled.

Armed with this information, they tried a different strategy. Narcolepsy Man closed his eyes, and cut loose a Sonic Snore(tm), knocking Bowser easily to his bum, giving Action Grrl, Rin, and Ed, the Bell-Boy of Pi a chance to stomp on his head three times in quick succession.

...

Later, the next day in the Action Headquarters Break Room, the superheros and the ALL the Backstreet Boys relay the story for the benefit of Super Fast Kel.

"Y'see, I didn't want to tell you, but Nintendo had hired me as a secret operative to go investigate the foney C64 convention. I really have no feelings at all for Princess Toadstool. I just had to play along so Bowser wouldn't know. I just got all, um, tied up [ed: hee hee], so that's why I didn't call," explained Nick. "By the way, nice Airwalks."

"Oh, you noticed Nick!" exclaimed Super Fast Kel, excitedly. "I understand now. You were just preoccupied before, so that's why you didn't notice. Well, if anything like that happens again, you know you can always count on your superhero friends."

"I'm glad I can," said Nick to Super Fast Kel, as they scootched closer to each other on the Super Fast Action Couch (this is a family show guys, keep your mind out of the gutter).

"Ok, well, I guess we ought to leave these crazy kids alone," said Narcolepsy Man.

"Too bad that Ed the Bell-boy of Pi didn't join up with you," said Rin.

"Yeah, but he has his own city to protect, as do I," replied Narcolepsy Man. "But if you ever need me again, I'm just a, uhh, wink of shut eye away. Just call me on the ZZZ-Phone."

"Will do!" replied Super Fast Kel.

And with that, Narcolepsy Man closed his eyes, and dissappeared, no doubt on his way back to the Sleepy Cave to combat crackheads in the Big D.

---

Excitement abounded this episode, but what will happen next? We still don't know how Mysterious Death Chimp fits into all this, and will Narcolepsy Man ever get a side kick? and the Super-Villain behind it all, Big Man, will he ever go down? All these questions and more answered next time on Narcolepsy Man: Man of Pi, or maybe on The Continuing Adventures Of Super Fast Kel and Her Side Kick Action Grrl (aka Almost-as-Fast-as-Kel Michelle) Who Battle Evil and Do Lots of Other Cool Stuff... or any other myriad of other superhero pages on a diaryland entry near you!

---

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "If your altar has a spit cup, you might be a Redneck Pagan."

- Phillip Thompson

Night of a Million Zillion Ninjas

Dear Diary,

I know, I know. I'm working on the next issue while I'm writing this, but I just read Kelly's entry on Promising People Forever. And I had to comment.

I am at a point with relationships with people (the last couple) that the people realize that ... let me think how they put it ... "this isn't highschool anymore, I don't make promises I can't keep."

And it's not that we wouldn't be in a serious relationship. Or at least what I consider serious.

To promise forever requires a certain level of committment people just don't seem to understand. Maybe it's how I was brought up to understand what love really is, but love is not just an emotion, not only the warm fuzzy you get down in the bottom of your tummy, or your chest, or wherever yours is. It's also a committment.

When you deem that the opportunity cost of spending time in the long term set with this one individual is worth the lost personal and individual fun you might have on your own.

Too many people in the world are realists that way, though. They look at the divorce rate, they look at their own experience, and especially if they are cynical to begin with, they just say, this guy is feeding me a line, defense mechanism, activate!

The primary level of defense is "Oh, you don't really mean that." Number two is "We just met [fill in arbitrary amount of time here] ago." Maybe you are dealing with a particularly bitter or hurt person, who's defense mechanisms go so deep as to actually be psychological. And they'll start to feel threatened by the level of committment shared by you two. Then it's "I'm only [insert arbitrary age here] years old, I have so much of life ahead of me."

Now I really can't let any of my real life friends read this, or I'll be out of the man club forever.

/rizzn "working on the story" do'urden

Quote of the Entry: The Tick after beating up all the ninjas, brushing off ninja stars stuck all over him. "Heh heh. Those darn ninjas. They're wacky."

- the Tick, in Night of a Million Zillion Ninjas

(ooh that gives me an idea. hee hee)

People are Winners

Dear Diary,

Talking with Tenderpoison. About parents. And smoking. Oh and crazies, can't forget crazies.

Parents are cool, especially after you move out.

Smoking is bad. Don't start.

And crazies.

Crazies like the people upstairs. We can hear them talk thru the vent in the master bathroom and have determined that daddie is having an affair with one of mommies friends. 'It'll be ok, as long as she doesn't learn about it.' Comes in useful when they want to complain about us being too loud.

Like the crazy chick across the hall (yes the one that Phitt went out with) that still contends that 'crack isn't that bad, I smoked it for a whole summer, last year.'

Like the crazy dude in the building across the parking lot who was seen when we first moved in chasing a half dressed man out of his house, then threw a full metal water bucket at his car, and said 'I hope you enjoyed yourself.' He's the same guy who always asks me if I sell magazines. And I always tell him no.

Or like the crazy dude two halls over in the same building who hires an escort service every two weeks. She pulls up in a convertable, gets out wearing a super short business skirt outfit. Me and my Girl spotted her one day.

Or perhaps TenderPoison's alcolholic neighbors. The ones who fall in ditches off bicycles, but wanna 'just lay here for a while.'

Or the ones who glued her mailbox shut.

Or the neigbors who put a bomb on my house when I was in third grade. (a demolitions pipe bomb that takes out a football sized area)

Or our friend J. who just got arrested at Mardi Gras for selling fake vials of acid.

Hrmm. Is anyone normal?

Anyone? Anyone?

My Girl should be getting back from Mardi Gras about now, I think I'll give her a call. I'm sure she met a normal person there. Heh, right.

Quote of the entry: (from the chat logs)

TenderPoison: And you guys are normal, I'm sure hehe
Rizzn: oh yeah
Rizzn: we are just all kinds of normal.
Rizzn: heh

Operation Pooper Scooper

Dear Diary,

In case you are wondering why I'm procrastinating on this House of Neddin' story, it's because someone from my hometown has been viewing this page, and unfortunately, I'm not sure who it is. If it's who I think it is, then it probably doesn't matter, but it just makes me uneasy that someone from REAL LIFE (tm) is reading my diary. It's ok for you regulars to read it, although I feel like I have friend to friend relationships, but they are based upon what I feel like for REAL, and not what I project in my day to day lives.

Kind of twisted, isn't it?

The face of me here is what is really me, but the real me has a false face which isn't revealed in real life.

Say that five times fast.

But that part of my life is an intense and dark point of my life. And that really doesn't need to be public with people who didn't walk thru that part of life with me, and even then, there are many things that those people don't need to know about.

So basically stay tuned folks. If the suspicious hits go away, I'll continue the posts. If you read this, user from my hometown (and you know who you are), please respect my privacy. There's a reason I use an alias on the internet.

(although, like I mentioned when I started this thing, that everyone who knows me personally probably knows my alias - including my parents (doh) - I used to and occasionally still do get snail mail addressed to Rizzn Do'Urden. Even had magazine subscriptions to Rizzn).

(Yeah, surprising that Rizzn isn't my real name, I'm sure, but it isn't.)

(anyways, enough of these parenthetical paragraphs.)

One thing that I will continue however is the superhero stories. I think I still have enough daylight left today to do another one. I've gotta call my girl back, she left a message for me, but other than that I'm out for now, working on another masterpiece of the mind, erzumpthing.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the Chat Logs)

Phitt1: We will start operation pooper scooper when I get home
Rizzn: err, ok.
Crackbaby: operation pooper scooper?
Phitt: Yes an operation to clean the apartment.

Mardi Gras Madness or zumpting

Dear Diary...

How's it going. Sorry I didn't get to write yesterday. I had to skip work. Well, I don't suppose i had to, but it just seemed like the thing to do at the time. I feel like Peter from Office Space

"No, I'm not quitting, I just don't think I'm going to go anymore."

Too bad I'm not salaried -- yet.

Because you really can't get fired from here. There's this dude named Vinh who's been consistantly late for the last 4 years he's worked here, and of course I've told you about the 9 year idiot who's now my boss. The guy's been here 9 years and knows less than a rock does about a computer.

On a cool note, I finally got to talk to Tenderpoison, which was cool. It baffles me that people actually like reading my diary, especially when you consider the reviews I got from people who weren't my friends already in my 'people' page.

But compliments like that make me so happy. Gleeful even.

Doesn't look like my Girls gonna be able to make it to Mardi Gras. She doesn't have enough money. I loaned her $25 bucks, even though I really don't have the money to give (after bailing my loser roomate out of jail), so maybe she could go, but she needs like $20 more bucks. I personally think she needs to stay around here and save the money. But she also needs to go and have fun so she isn't so depressed. Gosh she really needs a job.

Wow! she's going! (she just called me on the fone) Her roommate is going to loan her the money, what a generous gesture.

Well, there's supposed to be a big party at my house tonight, so if you wanna get all fubar'ed, my place is the place. Oh, and spend the night, bring a computer and you can have fun on the next day when we veg out on computers at our world famous LAN party.

Welp, I'm guessing I need to get some work done about now. So I'll be around updating some stuff later on. Czech jou l8r or zumpthing.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Thaddeus thought to himself, "I could probably psychoanalyze the hell out of this." But instead, he just turned around and walked out of the bathroom."

- Thaddeus

Narcolepsy Man Is#1

Dear Diary,

How are you. I'm thinkin us creative writer types should probably start a comic label, we got enough superheros to support one.

Speakin of comics, I just bought a bunch of them and left them in my car. Darnit. I was going to use a bunch of cool one liners from the new Deadpool. Deadpool's m'boy, he's so cool.

But the roundup of the comics, or superhero stories, I should say that are out there are as follows:The Continuing Adventures of Super Fast Kel and her Side Kick Action Grrl aka Almost Fast as Kel Michelle:
Episode 1 - by Action Grrl
Episode 2 - by Kel
Episode 3 - by Kel
Darwin City's Rin:
Episode 1
Evil Cordelia
Episode 1
and of course ... Narcolepsy Man: The Man of Pi
Episode 1/2
Episode 1

---

Narcolepsy Man: The Man of Pi
in
Prelude to Disaster
Featuring a crossover with just about all the dland superheros!

Rizzo, otherwise known in superhero circles only as Narcolepsy Man, was ambling down Commerce, in Downtown Dallas. He was mainly just enjoying his day off work, and was actually looking for this mysterious seamstress that Superman had recommended.

"Dum de dum," he murmured to himself.

And up walked to him a particularly crackheaded crackhead. Living in the big city these past few years, Rizzo had learned how to spot a crackhead, because when he first moved here, he only had enough money for an apartment in the Ghetto. But the way to spot a crackhead is the way they always say:

"Yo man, can I get a dollah?" queried the crackhead.

Another way, is the fact that they usually have little or now whites left in their eyes, and the eyes are all brown. But we digress.

Rizzo thought to himself, "Before, whenever I think of the plight of crack in this city, I always thought that the problem was never going to be solved, but now that I have superpowers, I can finally do something about it."

"But first I must get my costume," he said.

He handed the crackhead a business card he made on his computer that had Narcolepsy Man's name and logo on it, and pi on the back carried out to only the 500th digit. The crackhead looked at the card with bewilderment, but Rizzo ambled on.

After much determined searching, Rizzo finally did find the place he needed to be. It was a little hole in the wall shoppe, built into the side of a parking garage. "Superhero suits made while you wait."

The old seamstress lady looked very kindly at Rizzo as he walked in. She looked like a gramma type person, could pass for Peter Parker's Auntie. Rizzo explained his situation, that he was a new superhero and needed a really stunning superhero costume. He gave her the specifications that Superman had reccomended and she went into the back room and began working.

Rizzo looked around the lobby area of the shoppe while he waited, and a paper pinup caught his eye over in the corner, something pinned up on the bulletin board. It read: The First Annual Super Hero's Charity Ball!!!
Black tie affair. Get to know your superhero neighbors, and have fun. RSVP. Etc.

"Hrmm," Rizzo hrmms to himself, "I must attend this The First Annual Super Hero's Charity Ball!!! If I've learned anything from collecting comics and hanging out with Superman all my life, its that some action will take place at this gathering."

At about that time, out walked seamstress with his new uniform.

"Wow, that was quick!" exclaimed Rizzo.

"Of course, why do you think I do this. Every time Superman's costume gets ripped (which isn't very often, because I'm so good), he comes here all the way to Dallas, and doesn't have to wait long for new one. And the prices are reasonable."

"What a deal! I'll reccomend you to all my superhero friends. By the way, do you know where I can get a tux for that The First Annual Super Hero's Charity Ball!!!?" asked Rizzo.

"f course, if you check your bag, you'll see I included a complimentary one in there. Hope you like the design. What do you think took so long?" replied Ms. Seamstress.

"Wow. Cool deal. Well I'm out."

--

A superpower side-effect that Rizzo found out he had while practicing out in the woods by the lake at his house of his sleepyness was that when he went to sleep he could see people's dreams. He found out when he went to sleep and could see his pet mouse Stuart dreaming. He went to take a closer look, and found himself awake next to Stuart's cage.

So he figured when he needed to summon the power of Narcolepsy Man, all he had to do was find a park bench, or a bus bench or something instead of a phone booth like Superman.

--

So Rizzo did just that, went back to the park, fell asleep on the bench, and transported himself over to the apartment by way of his sleepy mouse Stuart. From there he slept (duh) until it was time to get ready to go the The First Annual Super Hero's Charity Ball!!! Dressed up in his tux with his superhero outfit on underneath just in case things got crazy, he fell asleep in search of a security guard that had perhaps dozed on the job at the ball.

Luckily, one such security gaurd existed (isn't their always?). Rizzo walked in, showing his copy of the invitation he got from the Seamstress, and made his way over to the punch bowl. Fellas, lemme tell you Rizzo is a sucker for punch. (get it? sucker punch? no? ah, just forget it, just a little superhero humor.)

For some reason, the punch was amazingly strong, and put Rizzo out immediately.

"Oh no, in this state of mind, I don't know if I can control my Sonic Snore(tm)!" worried Rizzo.

But fortunately he was woken up only moments later by the superhero known only as Super Fast Kel, who looked quite stunning in her Sassy Cocktail Dress.

Thanks to the quick thinking of Rizzo the night before, he was able to make an appearance at Neil Diamond's house, and get him a gig, right before the Girls from Cleopatra 2055, the Back Street Boys minus Nick (because as we all know he was at his Nintendo 64 Championship thingy) plus everyone's favorite sidekick Action Grrl. They were great. But Neil Diamond's Song Sung Blue could not have come at a more appropriate time. While the other superhero couples were dancing to the tune happily, Super-Fast Kel was running out with a not so happy look on her face.

Knowing that action was afoot (not philosphically, but literally. Philisophically, I would have thought action might be more like a fist in the motion of a punch to the stomach. Just me, tho), Rizzo switched to his superhero form, Narcolepsy Man!, and made his way over to the Super Fast Action Tank where most of the relevant superheros were hanging out and loading up, but he couldn't shake the feeling he was being watched. (du du daaahhhh)

So Narcolepsy Man ambled across the parking garage to where the Super Fast Action Tank, but halfway spun around to catch whoever was watching him. A dark cloud surrounded him and seemed to spin off his cape when he spun.

"Cool," thought Narcolepsy Man. "They put some cool gadgets on this outfit. Now I look all dark and mysterious."

An lo! what did before his wandering eyes appear, but a crackhead!

"I should have know you would be sent to foil the plans. Who do you work for?" demanded Narcolepsy Man in a quite demanding voice.

"Say, man, I can't tell ya, I mean uhh... Can I have a dollah?" played off the crackhead.

"Don't play coy with me, silly crackhead, I'm not here for your crackhead games. Who do you work for?" queried Narcolepsy Man, while giving the loser a menacing stare.

"Just a dollah man," he replied.

The crackhead was knocked to his feet by Narcolepsy Man's quick blast of Sonic Snore (tm). He stood over his huddled form, black mist surrounding him, and he opened his eyes and said one last time: "Who do you work for?"

"I work for the man. I work for Big Man. Please don't hurt me, suh!" squealed the crackhead.

"Big Man," thought Narcolepsy Man. "I know this villain. He shall soon know what it is like to face the Master of Pi."

"Give your boss this," replied Narcolepsy Man, as he tossed one of those cool business cards at him. "Tell him his days of crack dealing are over!"

Narcolepsy Man turned off the mist generator and walked the rest of the way over to the Super Fast Action Tank.

Action Grrl tossed him the keys and said "You're driving, I've got to work on a plan."

"I've got shotgun!" called out Joan Jett.

"Alright where to?" asked Narcolepsy Man.

"We gotta check out Super Fast Kel, and take care of this Nick situation. Action's afoot." responded Action Grrl.

"That's interesting, because I always pictured action as a swift punch to the stomach or something," chipped in the sharply dressed, and devilishly handsome Rin.

"That's what I always have sai..." started Narcolepsy Man.

"Shush!" exclaimed A.J. "There's a time to think, and a time for action; and heroes, this is no time to think. Floor it Narcolepsy Man!"

With that he did. But Narcolepsy Man's vision began to blur, and as they were nearing the place where Super Fast Kel could be spotted, he totally passed out, which was quite unusual for someone as in control of his sleep paterns as Narcolepsy Man (there's no one better!).

"Everyone, err, brashe for impact," slurred Narcolepsy Man, "because .... "

"Good thing Super Fast Kel had that Really Hard Armor installed on the Super Fast Action Tank. We'd all be in a world oh hurt," said Action Grrl.

Once woken up, Narcolepsy man noticed that The Mysterious Death Chimp seemed to console Super Fast Kel quite a bit. She was going to sit this adventure out, and the rest of the crew was going to go check out what was up with No Good Nick, as he was now dubbed.

"So it looks like we're off to Vegas, eh? At least I'm not headed to New York. The city that never sleeps would most definately be my bane, " said Narcolepsy Man.

"Yeah, I see how that could be quite the problem."

And with that they made their way over to the Super Fast Action Tank. And pointed it towards Sin City. For some action.

---

Crazy love triangles ensue with your favorite Nintendo characters, plus lots and lots of action. Look for it soon in an upcoming episode of Narcolepsy Man: The Man of Pi (probably around 10am or so tomorrow, my shifts over and I gotta go home before I got done writing... sorry, busy day).

In other news, my electricity got cut off because Phitt forgot to pay the bill, i've gotta go turn it on. Seizures tomorrow.