An Open Letter to My Parents

Dear Parents...

Yes. This is a letter to you. I start out usually with a dear diary, because usually I am writing strictly to my diary and my anonymous group of online friends that read my diary. But no. Today I write to you.

I knew this day would come. I figured I should have used a nickname you guys wouldn't have guessed. But hey, it was sooner or later you guys would read my private stuff so it might as well be now.

I don't know who you think you were fooling with that silly professor letter, Dad. I would think you would know better than to peek into something as private as a diary. But knowing you and mom (this is no insult, just a statement of facts), you two will peek into anything of mine that will give you insight into my life that you think you should have. And I understand that. Because after all I am your only son, and I know you guys love me.

But I beg of you, please don't read my diary. It's not that I'm hiding things from you. It's not that I'm lying to you folks. It's just that you have some social circles in life that you want to share certain information with, things that you are thinking and feeling that you can't necesarily relate in terms you would understand to other social circles in your life. I would hope that you folks would respect me for that.

I really don't know how much you read in my diary about how my life has gone or whatnot for the last two or so years I've kept this diary. I am not sure I want to know exactly what you think. There is a reason I keep this diary a secret from you, and I'm about to share it.

I have failed in my short time away from you guys time and time again. I heard in school (probably one of the few useful things I learned in school) that a wise man once said "Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it." I keep this record mostly of my mistakes and some of my few successes as a record to myself so I can have a better record and roadmap as to where to go with my life.

Sometimes the language and the topics I discuss you might deem something unworthy of discussion but this is a diary of my thoughts and feelings and sometimes I think and feel things that aren't right or things that really shouldn't be discussed. And what I find is that by writing about it in an anonymous forum like this is I gather like minded folks who have been on the same path as me or the paths we have walked have crossed and they are able to offer advice as to the direction I take.

Most of all, I don't tell you about this diary to read because I don't want you two and the rest of my family to see just all the mistakes I've made. Because one of my major goals in life is to make you two proud. I don't know that I've been able to do that yet, and you learning about all my failures that I have had on my road to what I considered limited success in life doesn't help me approach one of my goals in life of impressing you two.

And please don't say hey, we don't care about that you can tell us about all your failures because frankly I can't. I've done things that have been chronicled here in this diary that might have made you proud and I've done things chronicled in this diary that might have made you ashamed. I don't know. But know that I am earnest in that what I really want is not just your approval of my life or what I do with it, but your pride in saying "Hey! That's my kid, he's made me proud." And I don't want it just because I'm fishing for compliments, I want it because I really did something that you find worthy.

So in conclusion, family, I love you, and I hope you respect my privacy. I'm doing well, I'll be giving you a call probably tonight, and I am not sure but I think I'm going to email this to you as well. Just so you know.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (From CBL's Message Board)

Subj: Re: missing person

hey, i'm looking for a guy i used to know, or thought i knew. he stood for truth but i wonder if he's confused by the garbage of today's world. maybe i don't know him at all. what do you think?
- Professor (aka my Dad)

Truth, like all things, is in the eye of the beholder. Perhaps what this missing person percieves to be true, is true, for them, but not true for you. It could be something liek that. Maybe he's lost, dazed, confused, and in a closet somewhere hoping someone will free him from it?

I can't know without more information. That and my magic 8ball is broken so no canned responses shall emerge.
- crackbaby

Having fun isn't hard, when you have a library card.

Dear Diary,

I'm having issues focusing lately. I get side tracked way too easily and it is beginning to bother me.

---

The main project I'm working on now is a VB Application version of my resume. I expect it will be done by the end of the weekend so look for pimp links to it later so I can get some feed back or what not.

I've noticed since I've put my hit counter back up that most of my links come from funky google hits and not regular readers anymore. I guess that I've exhausted all my regular reader's patience by dissapearing one too many times for a months period. Oh well, but such is life. :)

I have an average of about 20 hits a day though, so I guess I can be happy about that. That is a nice number of hits to have on a homepage in this internet glut of useless pages like mine.

---

I got some messages in my email box last night. Some chicks in the Dallas area wanting to meet me. Kinda funky. Every once in a while I'll get like 3 in one night. Like last night. It happenned to me one weekend in February I think, too. That's when I met the girl across the street and her crew as well.

Fun stuff.

---

What else. Oh, I'm about to get done with another CD. It's gonna be pretty good. Got some recognizable tunes and random pop references in there. Riz Mix 4. Dunno what I'm going to subtitle it. Help me come up with names. Don't matter how random just send'em to me.

At any rate. I'm audi 5000. I've got to work on this resume thing, then I'm going to audition a chick to sing for us, then I'm going to party like it's 1999 tonight, or so I'm told.

By the way, Kat, Kel, we got the post cards finally! Yay! Thanks!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the Chat Logs)

Ladiebug341: freakin awesome... i'm so totally excited for you!! i'll know a celebrity!! :-)
RznDoUrdn: Cool! Think I can get a fan club outta this?
Ladiebug341: ooh ooh, can i be president?? i won't do you dirty like selena's president, honest!

A Sai En

HEllo THere DIary...

A little commentary about my new layout...

What you can't tell about that picture of me which has been cropped out is that I had a crackpipe in one hand and a lighter in the other. Another thing that you may or may not be able to tell from that picture is that I was totally trashed. That picture was from the night that foo and I tried to drink each other under the table back in like february or something.

What else. I dunno. It's your basic brown. Okay so that was a boring subject -- moving on.
Yesterday night Uzume talked to me and told me she didn't mean the piss off statement to be as bad as it came off. So that's cool.

I suddenly have the hankering to watch the robotech series again like I did last year when I was unemployed.

We just got done watching the Macross Plus movie edition of the series.

I'm going to go take a shower and give a friend a ride to the tire store now. I'm looking for a nuther job again because yet ANOTHER job dried up for me and count bradley today. Hiring freeze. Sheesh, can't they at least be original in their excuses as to why we can't get a job?

I'm working on a VB version of my resume, which will soon be up. Hopefully it'll be cool enough to get me a job somewhere.

Sheesh, I've got nothing to say today. But I can sure put a bunch of horizontal rules on a HTML document, can't I?

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the chat logs)
AcidzCraze: is there anything else you guys want?
RznDoUrdn: Can you send down in that package a pretty girl for me and matt. perhaps two so we dont have to share?
AcidzCraze: hahaha! a pretty girl? I'm sure i can do that... you may have to add water though
AcidzCraze: and the whole intelligence issue might pose a problem
RznDoUrdn: we got plenty of that here!
RznDoUrdn: hrmm..
RznDoUrdn: matt says the intellgence thing isn't a big deal.
AcidzCraze: :-D
AcidzCraze: i'll see what i can do: :-D
AcidzCraze: i'll see what i can do

Rant about nothing in particular of any interest to anyone outside my social circle

Dear Diary,

The point of life is not to get a girlfriend as a substitute for all your friends. This is one of the main reasons I don't actively pursue chicks.

Sure sure, I pursue chicks but one of the reasons I haven't picked up a steady lately is not for lack of opportunity, but primarily because I haven't found a girl that jives with the crew very well.

Take Phitt and Crackbaby for example. Their girls, Melissa and LittleAbby respectively, hang out with us and have meaningful things to say to us on a regular basis with or without their counterparts.

Even with b00radley and his ex, Tanya who wasn't necesarily a favorite in the apartment, she still got along with and hung out with us on a regular basis, not isolating her and her boyfriend from the rest of the crew.

I know that I'm not always innocent of being 'part of the crew' with my relationships with girls sometimes but I think at this point we have all learned our lesson. Or at least I hope so.
Where am I going with this? I'm not sure. I've been accused of being a so-called friend to someone, and I read that someone here is going to become a hermit with his girlfriend. The circumstances of this individual leaving were very weird, and they are still a bit to fresh I think to post to the public coming from anyone but the source. And at the risk of angering this individual I'm going to also say that the circumstances of this individual's leaving of the apartment were very irresponsible and could have had serious repercussions not only for the individual but for the rest of our crew.

So the situation surrounding his departure from our company were both weird and touchy. So no wonder why we don't post about it on the internet. I would say if I were an outside observer such as our accusor who had inside information of the whole turn of events that we were being more respectful rather than non-friend-like.

This is so freaking highschool.

But this is me doing my d*land civic duty and using my page as a soapbox and trying to stir up drama at the same time of letting some of my feelings coming up to the surface.

In other news, what's the deal with India and this monkey man scare that they have going on? It's crazy! Go check it out, it's in the Oddly Enough section on Yahoo! news.

Over and out mein freunds...

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: " I find it rather odd that [Dread's] so-called "friends" haven't even mentioned him lately or really acted like friends period. Piss on them.- uzume "

An update with actual information in it! Yay for the Rizznite Historians

Dear Diary,

What's new? Not much here. I'm thinking about being more and more creative lately. I think I'm going to finally fill out some of those missing endings to those stories I started ages ago on this here diary, and I'm going to write some new stories.

Nothing new has been going on lately. This weekend I went to Tyler and got to visit with my good buddies and family alike. My buddies aren't doing so well but my family seems to be doing alright.

My entire family was pleased by my decision to go back and get some school, even if it was only to get a certification (I have decided to get a project management certification from the local community college).

So happy with me in fact that they even lent me money with out my asking. They often do that when I'm in favor with them. When this is the case they have this game they play, and it's called "Who can slip Rizzn the most money secretly."

Throughout the weekend various members of my family will give me arbitrary amounts of money all secret like and say don't tell anyone about this. Like I'm selling them drugs or something. My mom won this round, she gave me like a hundred bucks. My dad and gramma gave me some too.

I guess you could say I win every time instead of any other member of the family. Because I'm the one walking away with the ca$h. Heh.

In an unrelated comical note, I applied for a non-tech job at the local Half-Priced books (that's not the comical part you doof, you'll know it when you read it).

*waits for uproarious laughter to subside*

At any rate, they have two openings available. One is for work on the sales floor. I want this one. A) Because it's easy, and B) because lots of hot chicks hang out at that location and I feel it's prime fishing grounds. But the other opening was in the warehouse. (blech) And on the application for that there was a section where you list any experience, skills, hobbies, abilities, or other such nonsense that would aid you, attach additional pages if neccesary. I figured I really didn't want to do manual labor for a living, so I decided to put "In my spare time I pick up items and put the back down in a different place on top of other things (neatly)."

Maybe I'll get the job.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from the chat logs)

TenderPoison17: My hero! You need a harem to take care of you and make you feel better.
RznDoUrdn: hrmm... Do you know anyone I can have in a harem?
TenderPoison17: Well, I'm available! I'm sure I could find a few other chick willing too if you like!
RznDoUrdn: Sure! you could be my harem manager.
TenderPoison17: ooh! I've never been a manager before.

What Darkness Lies in the Hearts of Men? The Rizzn Knows.

Dear Diary,

Hi. Things are good. And you? Great, good to hear it.

If you want to email me, now you are able to: rizzn@espionage-enterprises.com. Which incidentally is the domain of the girl across the street's roommate.

I don't know how reliable that email address is so I imagine we'll just have to see how long I keep it. But I don't see it being too terribly unreliable.

Anyways. I have noticed the providence that I have been experiencing over the last few days and have come to the conclusion that it cannot be just coincidence or chance. I have been essentially unemployed for a good while now and except for maybe one or two days have not been without money in my pocket. Either I find a ten dollar bill here, or someone pays me for a ride to this or that from the neighborhood or what have you. It's cool.

Furthermore, balderdash and rumplemints. Because in heretofore unmentioned untold millions, what undid the unmentionables was indiscriminate absolution.

And stuff!

Over and out. Mail me.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: ""I have come again, look for me where the darkness lies, where the evil of men is apparent.. look for me on the internet" - the chancellor

Recessions rule

Dear Diary,

Hi how have you been. I've been ... unemployed.

Things right now are not the best they've ever been. However I have a few things that look up in my life that I can now point to as sources of happiness.

For one, our brother dirty is back. It was a long arduous trip that was long and arduous to say the least to get him, but I'm glad we did it. For another, during my stint of unemployment I have been able to eat smoke and pay rent somehow. For another, we have internet access back. Which is good.

I am still breathing, which I guess is another. Ack.. I don't really want my welcome back entry to be a bitch session. I've been re-reading everyone else's old entries over the time I've been offline and that seems to be what theirs are like, somewhat. (ever the one to go against the grain, that is I).

The update on my life? Hrmm.. well for the past 35 days or so I haven't updated, I've been turned down for more jobs then I've ever applied for in my life for some unknown reason. I've been down to my last dollar for the last 2 months just about (which is probably nothing new for me, it just seems worse when you don't have a job).

I've made a lot of music, because it fills the void and the time. No one really appreciates the music I make, I feel, but I guess I do and that's what really matters since I am really just making it for myself anyways.

There was some weird drama with Dread when I came back that I didn't quite fully understand, more on that scoop later when details emerge. The gist of it is he is moving out and back to Sulpher Springs.

Right now I'm tired as a mug. Except for about 2 hours of sleep, I've been up since I woke up yesterday, which was around noon. Granted I had about 16 hours of sleep before that, but I'm now of the opinion all my reserve energy is used up. So I'm going to take my leave now with the promise that I will return later with more updateness.

Also, I have no email address for the diary, so hold all questions until they will no longer bounce and I will put up an email address you can talk to me at.

Bis Spater

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "There is a 90% chance we will enter a full recession over the next two years."- Alan Greenspan (thanks a ton buddy)