Dead Air, brought to you by Lloyd James Funeral Home

Heya Diary,

How did you like my story yesterday? I wrote it on the spot, but it was highly inspired. ;-) alrighty then. mailme and tell me wot you think. er zumpthing.

Well, anyways. YEsterday in roundup. I slacked. yes, big shock I know, but what else is new.

I actually felt a little bad about all the slack I performed yesterday, which is starting to scare me. I mean, I'm Captain of Team Wank over here, undisputed Captain at that. It's what I'm known for.

I think it was fear of my job. I at least pretend to do my job on most days, and yesterday, I couldn't fake it. I mean, I had my computer dismantled all day, and there were about 3 or 4 people in my office during the course of the day at any given moment. (Hey, y'like how I make my job sound more important by calling my cube an office? Yeah, mee too).

I also stayed atmy girlfriend's house last night. She was still feeling a little anti-social, and her roommate wasn't helping things, but that's to be expected, her roommate can be a little thick at times.

She was talking to a friend of hers on the fone, and I know they were talking about me, because they were using code words. One of them was mashed potatoes. "Everything's fine, except the mashed potatoes."

I think I know what it means, too, but I don't want to think about it.

Ack, there's 8 people in the queue. Gotta go answer the fones. Suckage.

(I accidentally deleted my quotes text file, so I'm going to have to start a new one. So no quote of the entry till I do some more surfing. This really bites.)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry:

Good Mornin CUSA

Dear Diary,

I coulda swore that this gif licensing thing was debunked back in my BBS'ing days as a hoax. We've always called it a hoax. Ack. Whatever.

To me it all sounds like a rumor that someone started to reduce the usage of .gif files in the world.

Well, today, I cannot put if off any longer, I'm going to give you another installment of the story.

But first I will tell you how unfun this week and next are going to be.

Let me show you my wallet. Y'see that? $200. Guess how long that has to last me. Give up? 2 weeks. Yeup. I'm screwed.

Here's the even suckier deal. Rent's due this month. Suckier still? My Girl's rent is also due, and she lost her job and needs money until her last paycheck comes in.

It's all because I agreed to bail my fscking dumb@$$ roomate out of jail. Shoulda left him there. He told me he'd pay my part of the rent, and I know I can live off a shoestring budget for a long ass time (I've been way poorer), the only thing I'm worried about is my Girl.

I absolutely hate the fact that I over-extend myself all the time. Always, near payday, I look at my wallet and go, "Damn, where did the money go?" And then I think, oh yeah, I floated so-and-so a loan this week. Everyone asks me for money all the time because they know I almost always say yes.

So if anyone has an legal, quasi-legal, or even illegal ways (but ways I won't get caught at) to make about $200-$300, in about a day or so, let me know. It's an emergency.

I dunno, I'm not stressed about. I would be if I was the type of person that got stressed out. But I'm not. My Girl's stressed out. She get stressed out easily. Things just slide off my back. Doesn't matter how sh!tty things are.

Someone's come to work on my computer, I'll finish the Jan '99 part of the story when he gets done.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: (from chat logs)

Crackbaby: I am the creator.

Rizzn: izzatta fact?

Crackbaby: it is.

Origin of Narcolepsy Man

Dear Diary,

Narcolepsy Man 1/2
The Origin of Narcolepsy Man
or
Fistfuls of Pi

Once upon a time, in a land about 100 miles to the east, there was this little boy, who's name was Rizzo. He was a good little boy. But he always dreamed of flying. His friend Superman could do it all the time. He used to come hang out with this little boy and take him to go see a movie, and play with legos and all sorts of fun things.

But since little Riz idolized his friend Superman so much, he decided that it was time to start flying.

So he asked his mom and dad on Thanksgiving dinner if he could very kindly have the Turkey wings. And he vigilantly ate them. And every time his family ate chicken, he always asked for the wings.

And at night, he would put on his Superman pajamas, and practice on his bed.

"Up, up, and away," he would softly say (so he wouldn't wake anyone up), take a jump of his bed, and land flat on his buttocks.

Many a night he would cry himself to sleep, because he could not be like his superhero, Superman.

One day, he couldn't stand it anymore, and when his buddy Superman came over, he told him his plight.

"Superman," he said, "I've been trying to fly like you. Every night, I eat chicken wings, and every Thanksgiving and Christmas, and even on my birthday, I ask to have the turkey wings, and when I go to bed at night, I practice flying, but I can't seem to get it right."

Then little Riz asked him flat out, "How do you fly, Superman?"

"Well, Riz," he started (because he called him Riz, which was short for Rizzo), "Your going about it all the wrong way. I was given this power because of how I was born. I came from a faraway planet called Krypton. Everyone flies there."

"And besides, when was the last time you saw a chicken or a turkey flying? So even if you gained the superpower of the chicken wing, you would only be able to fly short distances, not like me," Superman explained.

"Oh. That's bad," concluded Rizzo.

"But all is not lost, Riz. I know you have a superpower in you, it's just not flying. I'm not going to tell you exactly what it is, because it is something you have to find out for yourself. That's the superhero way. Just remember to use your powers for good and not evil."

With that, little Rizzo's face lit up.

As time went by, little Rizzo became bigger Rizzo. Bigger Rizzo got a bigger Rizzo job and that was working on computers. But every day, his mind would replay the message that Superman told him when he was a kid: "You have a superpower ... you must find out for yourself what it is."

Every night, he'd sit in careful meditation ... ok, well, he'd sit on his computer until way late in the night. But he'd think about the superpower thing.

One day, he was working in the server room of the building where he worked, and was typing on a computer named Orion. And he reached over to pop out a Linux Redhat CD out of the drive when a bolt of static electricity. At that moment he was totally zonked out (Zonk!) and went into an unconscious dream state.

There he met his superhero totem (something superheros don't often talk about, because it's kinda personal) who looked like splinter from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but he had a handlebar mustache, which said to him: "Rizzo, from here on out, your alter-alter-ego shall be called Narcolepsy Man, for that is what you now are. You are now having the power to fall asleep at any time you so desire. Just beware of your snore. Uncontrolled, it could have disastrous effects."

"How do I find you again, Master Splinter with a Mustache?" queried Rizzo.

"Silly superhero, enter your dream state. Remember, you must use your powers for good, not evil. Now, quickly, recite pi."

Without thinking, Rizzo began, "3.141592653589793238462643383279502 ..... " and before he knew it, he was looking up close and personal at the keyboard his face had fallen on. Gingerly he lifted his face and looked at the screen, and there were one million digits of pi in a notepad document.

But what's that smell? Oh no, Orion was on fire, which was no good at all.

So Narcolepsy Man looked for a fone booth to switch into his superhero clothes. When he couldn't find one he remembered he hadn't made any yet. So he looked both ways to make sure no one was looking, and fell asleep.

He had a choice. He could try to quell the fire with his sonic snore(TM) or he could enter the dreams of the off-duty firemen so as to alert them of the impending disaster at the local Computer Co.

Then, his totem's words entered his head: "Beware the effects of the snore, it could be disastrous."

Then he remembered he was friends with Superman. Duh.

"I just hope he's sleeping right now."

Luckily he was. So Superman came and sucked all the fire like he does in Metropolis all the time whenever there's a fire.

And Narcolepsy Man woke up and shook Superman's hand and said, "You were right Superman. Thanks for helping me."

"Young Rizzo, I couldn't have done it without you and your power of sleep. I'm sure you've only touched the surface of your superpowers, but be careful and practice out away from everyone. You don't know how embarrasing it was as a kid whenever I would fry someones face with my heat vision all the time," Superman said.

"Good tips," Rizzo replied.

"Oh, and I'll give you the number for my seamstress. She'll make you a cool costume," said Superman.

And with that, Superman did his "Up, up, and away!" thing. And flew back to Metropolis.

Rizzo looked at his workstation, sighed, and completed his shift, thinking "Yep, yep, all in a days work."

Roundup: Rizzo wanted to fly. Couldn't. Superman explained why. Rizzo grew up. Got zapped, met a rat, gained power of sleep and pi. Now he's NARCOLEPSY MAN! But O NO a fire. Rizzo uses superpower to summon help, and saves the day!

Exciting next issue: What did Rizzo do with his superpowers? What tragedy could possibly happen to induce him to use his powers, again? Find out next issue, same sleepy time, same sleepy channel.

---

Inspired by Kelly and Action_Grrl. hee hee, thanx.

Quote of the Entry: "Yes yes, dear one, it is I, The Hindu Squirrel, and, man!, is my tail wet."

- squirrel

My Weekend, in One Million Words or Less

Dear Diary.

What's going on. I had a busy weekend, this weekend. Well, eventful, anyways.

Friday, when I finally left work, I headed over to my Girls house, who was not drunk that day, but feeling rather badly.

I stopped on the way to buy some cigs at the Viet. convenience store next to her house. I was already running late, but fate decided to delay me further.

You know that story I told you about the pentacostal? I don't remember how long ago that was, but I remember saying that I was a magnet for weird religious types to come to witness to me.

I didn't know how right I was.

I've been to this store before, and the young vietnamese is pretty cool, he speaks about 3 or 4 languages, however, his uncle, father, or whatever he is that owns/runs it with him doesn't speak jack sh!t of english.

Well, as I was buying cigarettes, the man saw my Jesus fish necklace that I sometimes wear outside my shirt. (I was all goth boy that day in black, so it looked cooler on the outside my shirt).

He points at it and says "Jesus fish."

I nod and say, "Yes." Apparently this sets him excitedly off into a pseudo-conversation. I say pseudo, because he was doing most of the talking, and it was in very broken english.

At first he sounded like he was talking about the tribulation described in the book of Revelation. He started first talk about Jesus being alive "..about 2012 years back..." which I guess I agreed with, it sounds about right, give or take a few years. Satisfied I had understood his point, he got a piece of paper and a pen and starts to draw the planets.

"This sun." Draws circles representing Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars. "This one (pointing at Earth), here. I not know others. But Sun, grow big, burn earth."

So you can kinda see where I was getting the Revelation reference from. Revelation and Genesis says the Earth will not again be destroyed by water, but by fire. So I'm hanging by a thread on his logical points trying to figure what he means out, and I think I have it at this point.

Then he says: "Jesus ... not true god."

I'm like, gee thanks, pally. You subject me to your ramblings for 10 minutes and tell me my religion is false. Cool deal pally.

Then he proceeds to tell me that Jesus lived on Asgard with all the other norse gods, and some of the gods from Olympus too.

So he's gone from sounding like a Christian to a pagan/wiccan thingy, kindof, in a real loose way of interpreting things.

He mentions Buddha, too, but I couldn't ever determine what he meant by that.

So he's running the gamut of world religions.

Then he gets a calculator, and he draws a circle on the paper. He divides the circle in fourths, and two of the fourths into eighths. He brackets one of the eighths. Then he starts doing some sort of calculation on the calculator and comes up with the number 26,462 or something like that. And he indicates to me that this is the age of the world.

Which is about right according to young earth creationism. Indicates that the world is about 30,000 years old.

Then he starts talking about Mayan Temples and the Sphinxes in Egypt, Antartica, and the Pyramids.

And he writes down a date on the paper. 2000 - 12 - 23.

He looks at me with a serious face and whispers, "On this day ... we all ... die."

ooooh-kay.

"United States, Japan, Australia, California, all, under water. All die. But this year be very hard for us. Many die. But all die (points at the date) on day."

Then he says, "I sorry. I not speak good. Come back later."

And that was apparently the end of the conversation.

So, I went over to my Girl's house, her roommate was pulling up at the same time I was, we went in, and one of the girls that lives across the yard from her was in chatting about stuff. Then one of my Girl's roommate's friends came over. And we watched most of "Shakespeare in Love."

After that, Rick and Nicole came over, and we all went to this Irish Pub called Tipperary Inn. It was pretty cool.

I have found a new favorite beer. Harp. Begone, Shiner, Harp, you taste much better. Plus I actually got a buzz off of it, which is rare for me and beer. (which begs the question, why do I drink it. If I had a good answer for that I'd give you one).

But we parked at a table right in front of the folk bands that played. Lots of fun.

"There's nothing so lonesome
So dull or so drear,
Than to sit at a bar of a pub with no beer.

Hee hee, drinking songs rule.

I ate some shephard's pie there, which tasted absolutely gureat.

We stayed up there till about midnight. Drank about 7 pitchers of beer between the four of us. Ran a $90 tab. Didn't expect that, but split up, it wasn't so bad.

Had to just about carry my Girl out, she was pretty wasted, and she was wearing these weird platform leopard print shoes that it's easy to break your neck in.

I stayed at her house that night and nursed her drunken self into not having a hangover.

Then on Saturday, she went to go practice in the new band she's in, and I played Diablo with my roommates. On the way to my house, we met up with her roommate and her friend at Hooter's and had beer and a Philly Cheestake. Mmmm.

My fourth roommate who I don't talk about much, Solo_Exceptional, went out to go do some stuff for his gramma, got pulled over in H-E-B and got himself arrested.

He called us sometime around 9. Bail was like $300. Of course I had to pay it, but he promised me his new 733mhz computer if he didn't get to pay me back. So I obliged. Unfortunately I think I won't be making rent this month, but will be having a new computer. Pretty fubared. Don't know whether to be happy or upset about that.

So blah blah blah. Girl stayed the night at my house. I played Diablo all night over the network with my roommates, accidentally. Just looked at my watch, and whoops, it's 6am.

Went to bed, slept til 11. My Girl went to go hand out at her friend Davin's house. Came back to me playing Diablo some more. I got off the computer as soon as she came back.

Then, uhh, oh yeah, everyone stopped playing Diablo, and Phitt got a call from his mom. Phitt and Crackbaby had not slept all weekend except for about 5 hours. So they were sleep deprived for real. And us listening to Phitt talk to his mom like a crackhead, and watching Crackbaby's antics at the same time, was absolutely unbearably funny. Phitt kept trying to keep a straight face, and Cracbaby, my Girl and I were all snickering, trying to make Phitt laugh on the fone at inappropriate times. It was cool.

As soon as Phitt got off the fone, Crackbaby and Phitt fell asleep where they were sitting. My Girl and I left to go hang out at Rick's house with Nicole.

We drank some wine, ate some cake and icecream (Rick's son was 17 that day), and thru me telling the story about the Vietnamese dude to Rick, we got on the subject of theology, and had a rather good discussion. No real idiots in the conversation. Kindof is a change for me; no one being overly antagonizing. Everyone was posing good points and not taking cheap shots, which is what I mean by being an idiot. (I guess it helps to explain that my Girl, Rick, and Nicole are all pagans, Rick's a pagan priest).

But everyone said that they respected me as a Christian, and wished that more people were like me. I was flattered beyond belief, and hope that my actions and words were a good example and Christ-like.

My Girl was going to stay over at Rick's house because she promised to help Nicole find a new apartment and get her license renewed and stuff.

I drove home, got on the computer and played Dune 2000 until 4:00am.

And that is why I was late this morning.

(Whew! Am I wordy or what?)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Oh yeah, and I went to the park today to catalog the pigeons. They all look the same to me. It's really hard."

- joeyd

Song Sung Blue

Dear Diary....

Guess what.

A) I will never understand women.

B) I am bored.

C) I'm probably going to keep you in suspense about what happened next in the story that I've been telling you until Monday because I haven't even started on today's installment.

D) All of the above.

The correct answer is D) All of the above.

I am literally afraid to call my Girl right now she was so pissed off earlier today. I shouldn't be afraid to call her because lately her mood has been swinging in a bad way, and she's probably manic girl right now, but I currently feel like avoiding her right now. Which is sad.

And she wasn't even pissed at me, as far as I could tell. It's one of those "if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you..." things.

dum de dum. I need to get a life.

We are probably going to have a LAN party this weekend. I was going to spend the weekend with my Girl, partying, and watching her practice with her new band she's in. But now she's so pissed off she's probably going to write a bad song about me or something.

Love on the rocks

Ain't no surprise

Pour me a drink

And I'll tell you some lies

Got nothin' to lose

So you just sing the blues all the time

Neil Diamond rules. I will never ever ever cede that point.

Song sung blue

Everybody knows one

Song sung blue

Every garden grows one

Heh... Now I know what to do to make sure my Girl never reads this diary. Just stick a Neil Diamond quote at the top of every page. She hates Neil Diamond. I mean, who else but his lyrical genius could come up with words such as:

Soo, soolaimon

Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

Soo, soolaimon

Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

Soo, soolaimon

Soolai, soolai, soolaimon

So last night when we hung out at Ricks house, I had a bunch of wine. Because that is what Jesus would do. At least according to Rick.

Rick's a smart guy, but a goober, somehow. He's an ex-cultish Christian guy turned into a pagan preist. He's very intelligent, very well versed on world religions. He's been wanting to debate religion with me for a while, which is fine, I guess. But he said that goobery thing last night when he asked if I wanted some wine, and when I said yes, he goes, "You're one of those real Christians, not one of those fake Christians, doing what Jesus would do."

On the one hand, I'm glad he thinks I'm a real Christian. But on the other hand, drinking wine with some friends doesn't really make me a real Christian. But then I'm overanalyzing.

How thoughtful. Kim gave me a Ding-Dong. A hostess Ding-Dong, mind you, keep your mind out of the gutter.

You want to hear something that I do on a regular basis, but is really really dumb?

I collect MP3's at work. But I don't have a soundcard.

heh.

Just thought I'd tell someone that.

But I've got good at finding music. If you want something, I have it. I've got all KINDS of punk music. I even found some Bowling for Soup music. I rule. I'm going to make a BFS cd for my Girl of the cd that's no longer in print and she's going to be so proud of me. BFS is her fave band.

I leave you with your friend and mind, Neil Diamond.

SONG SUNG BLUE

Written by Neil Diamond

Song sung blue

Everybody knows one

Song sung blue

Every garden grows one

Me and you are subject to the blues now and then

But when you take the blues and make a song

You sing them out again

Sing them out again

Song sung blue

Weeping like a willow

Song sung blue

Sleeping on my pillow

Funny thing, but you can sing it with a cry in your voice

And before you know, start to feeling good

You simply got no choice

Song sung blue

Everybody knows one

Song sung blue

Every garden grows one

1972 Prophet Music, Inc. (ASCAP)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I think I might be unwittingly drinking out of my demographic. It's ginger ale."

- youradhere

xib0 /data1/f9000/OE/OE.QUOTELN

Good Mornin' Diary...

Yes it is. It's a friggin' FABulous mornin.

Well, I spent the night last night with my Girl. Apparently she had a sh!tty beginning of a day, and she said she had a bad day yesterday, but I don't see how, as she spent the day DRINKING.

Yep, that's right. I was finishing up that monster entry from yesterday, and right around 4:00 I got another call from her informing me that she had drank a case of Corona. And would I come over after work.

I so much wanted to be drunk when she told me she was (It woulda been more fun than what I was having).

So after work, I hitailed it to her house. We smoked a couple, had the remaining beers, and headed over to her friend Rick's house. She had told them she was going to hang out with them that night.

But before we left, we got a call from her friend Davin, who I find a little annoying at times, but he seems alright. Davin insisted that she come over when she get's back from Rick's house.

Bonus to this: Traci sleeps with me that night, over at my house, as Davin lives closer to me than to her.

No bonus to this: Traci doesn't come back with my car till 5am leaving me awake and worrying about her over at some guy's house.

I think I figured out why I don't much care for these Jay and Nick fellows that she hangs out with in Denton every once in a while. Just about every male friend she's had she's dated for a short while. She's usually said that dating them was a mistake, and gone back to being friends with them. But all that does is make all her male friends want to go back out with her, and a little jealous of me.

And I get this little voice in the back of my head that says when am I going to go back to being a friend?

Jay and Nick are new acquantances. I'm not sure where Traci met them, but I think it was online. She just joined a band with them, she's supposed to practice all day Saturday with them.

I think I'm niccing out, my brain is feeling so detached currently, and I'm obsessing about dumb stuff. Cigarettes suck. Don't start.

I would like to make that a cool segue into the part of the story where I start smoking and wish that I hadn't, but that doesn't come for a couple more action packed months.

Too many calls this morning. I'm not awake enough for this bunk shite. Thank goodness it's almost smoke break time. But smokin buddy Chris isn't here. Smoking alone is not fun.

According to a self-test like what comes out of Cosmopolitan that Kim (the chick in the next cube over) sent me via email, "[I] can easily attract the opposite sex, but [I do] not easily fell into the loving trap. [My] humor makes them to want to get along with you. He/She will be happy being with [me]!"

So exciting!

Erg. Anyways. I'm out for now. Expect a house of neddin update in the near future. Like today or something. Unless some cool people come online with AIM to chat (hint hint, you know who you are).

Thank goodness it's payday.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Ever had a weird sensation that time had actually stopped for a while? Just a brief flicker, or what would seem like a brief flicker, because after all, time had stopped. I was looking at the clock at 10:15:17, and I could have sworn everything stood still for...well, who knows how long. Everything except my mind, of course. Maybe I just had the hiccups, but I don't think so. It was very thought-provoking."

- Tenderpoison

House of Neddin: Part V

Dear Diary,

Top of the morning to you or something.

Well, guess what. I'm pissed at my employer. Actually, I'm more pissed at the HR department that interviewed my Girl.

They fubar'ed on her interview, and gave her the wrong test, gave her a supervisor test, so she didn't pass and didn't even get interviewed. I'm currently working on getting the responsible parties fired.

I wish my Girl didn't get so depressed over stuff like this. She was calling me last night, I expected her to be all excited that she got the job, and she was in tears thinking she was stupid because she couldn't pass what I thought was an idiot test.

Well, I had no idea which test she had taken, so when she started describing it to me, it was a test of internal procedures and dumb stuff that a person not inside the company would have no way of knowing.

So I told my direct supervisor here about it today, Frank, and he's like, yeah, for sure, that's the supervisor test, I'll talk to our boss, get the ball rolling for another interview, she'll for sure have the job.

I asked all the agents that had been hired on recently, and they had taken the test I was familiar with, the idiot test.

It's so not fair -- but such is life.

And when I was describing the problem in front of stupid Jarhead supervisor that is supposed to be gone by now, he's like "Whatever." I coulda killed him in that moment and had no remorse whatsoever.

Well, that pretty much describes how I feel about him all the time, but urge to kill at that moment was above normal levels, for sure.

How do you convice someone they aren't dumb, when you know they aren't, but they think they are? She has serious problems with how she images herself in her mind. She always says she's not pretty, not smart, but she's wrong about this. It's not like she's fishing for compliments, she just has a low self-image. It was something she told me about when we started dating, that she had a low self-image. But if anyone else said that about her, I'd beat 'em up, but you can't do that when the person degrading her is herself.

Errgh. Frustration. She's going to get depressed again.

(couple seconds later)

Speak of the devil.

My Girl just called me a few seconds ago. I told her that it was a mentor/supervisor test.

"No wonder I didn't pass it."

That's the response I was looking for. I told her that the ball was rolling to get another interview for her... We haven't been able to get anyone hired, and no joke, they've all been taking the friggin supervisor test.

She seemed in good spirits, and was on her way to an interview.

But she is still exercising that independence that she wanted so badly and hanging out with some friends tonight. Which wouldn't bother me really, but why does she have to hang out with guy friends, which I'm sure would pounce her if I didn't make my presence as a boyfriend known early on.

Just jealousy rearing it's ugly head.

Gosh, I'm really getting obsessed with my Girl, aren't I. I didn't used to write entries totally revolving around her every friggin day. Maybe that just means I've gotten closer to her, or perhaps the drama in my life has begun to revolve around her, or I don't know.

Drama drama drama. Kinda reminds me of January of '99. (Hows that for a transition? heheh I kill myself sometimes)

---

January '99

New year, obviously. Recovery from the party taken place. When I got back from Dallas, beer bottles everywhere, and amazingly, two cases of bud and miller still left.

I found that my roommate Dewey had fallen head over heels for this Rachel chick, and they had already gotten engaged. Like two weeks after meeting each other.

Noone really could stand Rachel. She was overbearing, had Dewey around her pinky, and generally caused strife among the people of the house.

So what did the people of the house do? Made it difficult for her to be around. Nate and Larry found her hotbutton. I want to preface this by saying I had no part in this, I really didn't mind Rachel that much, but everyone, and I do mean everyone, didn't like her. 'Cept Dewey.

Her hotbutton was racism and racist comments. She would leave the room if she heard them. So one wrasslin' night, Nate and Larry did nothing but make racist comments to piss her off. Larry went downstairs to get his rebel flag (remember, we're in East Texas in this story, so you are always going to know at least one or two people with a rebel flag) and wrapped himself in it like a blanket, so that when she came out of Dewey's room to tell them to shutup, she'd see it.

She saw it, and got all white in the face, and ran out of the house.

A few days later, Dewey and Travis decided to move out.

"Too bad about Dewey, 'bout time for Travis." were my thoughts on it.

So I invited my co-worker Lumpy to come live with us. Hysteria was a guy I met back in the diz-ay, when I was an old BBS'er. He and I went way back, and he had finally gotten a job doing fairly well where I worked.

But Lumpy was an odd duck. Crackbaby and I refer to him as "...a scumbag, but our friend...", which is a pretty accurate description. You'll see why when I get into it later on.

Funny facts about Lumpy... He's 23 I think now or somewhere in there, and he's had over 20 jobs. And he's wrecked like 12 vehicles. And he's probably made it with every chick in a 30 mile radius of our hometown. Lumpy's favorite beer: Shiner Bock

So Lumpy got the basement that we converted into a bedroom and Larry had the bunk downstairs, and I had the upstairs bedroom, Dewey's was vacant. This probably didn't take place (Lumpy's move in) till about the third week of January.

Ok, I'll admit, str8 edge Rizzn over here drank a little bit over at Ferrill's house that New Year's weekend. Well, my birthday is in January... second week, my slight intoxication at Ferrill's gave me the courage to make the decision to go ahead and take the plunge on my decision to leave the str8 edge world.

So one wrasslin' night, Travis, Dewey, Larry, and Nate were cappin' off the leftover cases of beer, and I randomly decided to join in. Drank 4 of em' really quick, didn't even get a buzz. Got quite dissappointed.

Then the sh!t hit.

I lost my job completely at the ISP.

Back then, one of the biggest problems for users of our system was a virus you may have heard of called NetBus. It's a trojan horse program that once installed, gives hackers access to your computer. Cursory scans of our users systems showed that about 85% were infected by this program, so anytime they got online, they were vulerable.

I had been working on a program that would go thru the users and uninstall the virus behind the scenes. But to do so, it had to use the backdoor created by NetBus.

There are programs that you could install to make a hacker think that you have NetBus installed, and if the hacker decided to try to intrude on your system, it would log their IP address, and send an email with it to the SysAdmin.

Well, one such user had one of these programs and reported me, not knowing what I was doing.

I eventually got a hold of this user and explained it to him, but he had already told someone else in the company about this intrusion attempt, and it made it's way to the company's legal department, and by that Friday, I was let go.

Everyone in the office was just sick to hear it. My boss went out and got blasted that night. The former owner, the big boss was almost in tears.

So I was pretty broken up about it, too. I was totally up to suggestion. And who to suggest stuff to me but probably the worst influences in the world on me, but some of my greatest friends, Crackbaby and Lumpy.

They suggested I try acid.

I did.

My first drug.

But the acid turned out to be bunk. We just ended up sitting in the basement for 7 hours watching Record of Lodoss Wars with dialated eyes. And that's it.

So a week later, Crackbaby took Lumpy and I to Denton, mecca for all drugie hippie college types, to some old roommates of his and we got some plane tickets and boy was it a flight. Timothy Leary I think was the name of it.

Absolutely wild. I was telling skunk_girl about it not long ago. First of all, the apartment was a total hippie trippin' smokin apartment, with blacklights, flourecents, and those trippy lightning balls and devices they sell at Gadzooks. And at first I didn't feel the effects of it, and someone popped in the movie Armageddon, which I have not seen sober.

A message to anyone who trips acid out there: Do not watch Armageddon on acid.

All I remember from that was that dude from Resevoir Dogs (Mr. Pink) was crazy, the chick that played Bruce Willis's daughter was fine, a bunch of sh!t was flying at planet earth, and Mr. Pink got tied up on an asteroid, and a bunch of people died. In space. Oh, and there was a crazy Russian in there somewhere. And a dead one, too, I think.

It got too much for me at one point, I didn't really realize I was tripping, but I knew the movie wasn't making much sense. I went to go get up and pee in the bathroom. Well, of course the mirror caught me, and I was spending what seemed like an eternity watching my face melt and go back. I realized I was tripping then.

When I went to go take a wiz, I got caught in a time loop. I just kept going and going. Sorry, don't mean to gross you out or whatever, just a real weird deal. One of the things I remember.

Then I went back inside, I think Armageddon was winding down, so I just was looking around the room. I was reclining on a white blanket, and I looked down at it, and all of a sudden I was flying through clouds and stuff. It was crazy.

Then the movie was over. I totally missed the end. I couldn't tell you who survived it, and if the Earth survived, or what. I just remember it was over.

Crackbaby was smoking buttloads of pot in the corner, but I wouldn't touch the stuff. I wanted a pure experience, so I could judge what it was doing to my body and mind. But he was taking hits off a bong called 'Satans Cock.' It was a five foot grafix bong, which translated from pot head terms, is a tube about five feet long that's clear, with a bowl on the end, that takes two people to operate (one to light, on to hit the bong).

Crackbaby was at the what we call "Crackbaby, breathe" stage. Where you have to remind him.

After a few cig breaks and pauses to admire the pretty colors, I remembered I had Vitamin C in my car, and I went on a solo adventure to the car to find them. Well, I went out the door, over to where I had parked, and I couldn't find the car.

"I must be really fubared," I thought.

So I went back inside, retrieved Lumpy, and we went to go find the car. Couldn't find it.

We both went back inside, found Crackbaby, who would be of almost no help to be sure, but went back outside to find the vehicle, and couldn't find it.

"It must be gone," I concluded.

Talked to the Dr. Feelgood, as I like to call him, and told him I couldn't find the car, and he was like, "Where did you park?" Just outside the door. "Oh man, I'm sorry, I shoulda told you, you can't park in the complex, you'll get towed."

Now normally I woulda flipped out and been a nervous wreck. But that's me sober.

That night I didn't give a fsck! I was like, sure man, no problem, we'll just get it in the morning. It didn't even phase me that I didn't have a car right then and I was over 100 miles from home.

The rest of the night progressed, night became morning, we slept for a few hours, ate breakfast, and proceded home.

That's about the extent of the first half of January. More fun stuff that extends itself to another volume happenned in the second half of January. And thats when the new chapter of my life and my downfall really began.

Just to sum up where I'm at right now.... I'm unemployed, living in a house with 2 dudes, Larry and Lumpy, and I just broke one of my cardinal morals, drugs and drink.

It doesn't get better for a while.

---

But anyways. For some reason I've been procrastinating with my entries lately.

I think for sure I'm going to be able to get my Girl a job here, because of the whole fsck up. I'm supposed to meet with my boss and maybe some HR people about it soon to see what's going down.

I'm audi 5000 diary. Maybe expect a small update before today's over.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Ginger ale bottles and cans (just clap your hands) are as understated as they can possibly be, with the exception of a pronounced NO CAFFIENE label that might as well just read "Won't Kill Grandma!"

- youradhere