My father recieved a phone call from one of my ex-girlfriends today. It seems that the one girl who I dated and eventually did not become at least cordial with is upset that I'm still hosting pictures of her. For better or for worse, I was forced to explain to my father why it is I'm hosting slightly pornographic pictures on my website. It's a timely issue for me and several friends I know, so I figured that instead of writing her and futilely urging her to stop contacting my friends and relations to avoid a restraining order, I'd post about it. Clearly she reads the blog still, anyways, so it'll amount to nearly the same thing.
Incidentally, I wonder if there's something in the water or the air of South Florida right now that is causing everyone who has ever crossed paths with me to cross swords with me right now. First Jason Friedman writing me a message defending his theft of monies from AACS, and now harassing phone calls from sore ex-girlfriends. One wonders. I mean, I truly haven't thought of these people since I had contact with them, save for the occasional amusing anecdote about them in social situations.
The reason I keep all those pictures of her in there still is that they are a record of my life, in a way. They are pictures that were given to me freely, or that I took myself in some cases, and they represent different eras in my past. I keep them there for the same reason I keep a lot of my old diary posts in the archives. Certainly if I were to run for political office, they would become an issue, but I like to think that I'm the sum total of my experience, amongst other things. Experience shapes who we are and the decisions we make, as long as we acknowlege it and understand the lessons of the repercussions of our actions.
Take for instance the example of King Solomon, from the Bible. When he was a youngster, we're told that God asked him what it was he wanted most in the world, and all he had to do was name it, and it would be granted to him. Of course, we know he chose wisdom. God was pleased with this, and told him that because he chose wisdom over riches, love of women or power that not only would he be granted wisdom, but all of these things.
Throughout the Proverbs, and the Songs of Solomon we get a first person perspective from the remainder of his life. He was given every opportunity to debauch, debase, and otherwise wallow in the pleasures of the world and learn what rewards it held when experienced to the extreme. He concluded, towards his twilight, that "There is nothing new under the sun," and that obedience to God and following his will for life was the most rewarding course of action - and that was the crux of the wisdom he was granted.
My point is his wisdom was hard earned. I remember being told when I was youngster myself that I was wise beyond my years. I don't know how much of that is true, or if it was even in the same context as the type of wisdom Solomon earned, but I know at this point in my life that what little wisdom I do have has been truely hard-earned wisdom! I have been blessed with a life of opportunity and variety, and I have done things that I at this point am not particularly proud of, but I leave them up here, too. How hypocritical would it be of me to edit out the parts of my life I'm not proud of while I criticise the shady parts of peoples lives both in the public sector or the private sector?
When you get down to it, that's what I do on a number of levels - I'm a journalist at heart, and a lot of what I do is expose the not-so-niceness of public figures as well as the not-so-public figures who have crossed paths with me in the past. Between that, technical information articles which I find interesting, and entries of my own personal experience, that pretty much makes up the entirety of this blog since inception.
I leave these records of my experiences up for my own edification purposes, true, but when I'm asked about my experiences and if I wish I had done things differently, I tell people no I don't. Each experience in this crazy and adventurous life I've led has shown me different ways that I can go down ultimately unrewarding pathways, and as a result I've done my best to avoid these pursuits as best as I can. Sure, I have scars from some of these experiences, and occasionally these old wounds act up now and then, but they serve as reminders of what not to do, and what I should be doing.
I don't begrudge my ex-girlfriend for being upset that I keep the pictures up (although, I do wonder why she persists in making an ordeal of it, since many of them are found on her own MySpace page). I don't begrudge her that because I know she has a great many issues of her own to work through, and apparently she hasn't come to terms with the issues she was dealing with when we were together.
While it's not really on the same topic, nor do I see what I have posted as being particularly damaging to her reputation, my mind drew a parallel from blogging to an old NRA slogan. The saying goes something like, "an armed society is a polite society." The logic being that in a situation where everyone in a society or nation can be or is likely to be carrying a weapon, people tend to be a lot more polite to one another. In this day and age, the pen is way mightier than any sword or gun - my posts about a great number of people are usually the first thing to pop up in Google when you look up their names.
It logically follows from examples like this that maybe its a better idea for individuals within our society to be nicer to one another and not pull jerk moves on one another because while our legal system and such may not be set up for punishing the wicked anymore, the word of mouth and free flow of information certainly allows for the damaging of people's reputations a whole lot easier. Of course, the most common recourse of people who have been damaged in this way is to sue the offending blogger/internet poster for libel and slander - I've been threatened with it many a time. My first response (other than to correct them on the proper usages of the words libel and slander) is that it isn't libel or slander when the statements are true. When you actually did the things that are being talked about (or consented to the pictures being taken and freely given to people who aren't you), you cannot restrict other people's free speech by civil suit or otherwise (at least not in this country, at least not yet).
At any rate, that's my two cents on the topic. Laura, if you're reading this, I hope you feel satisfied that I spent the time to think this through (although please don't misunderstand this as an indication I want to start dialoguing with you). Dad, when you read this I know you'll probably not agree with all my takes and conclusions on everything, but it's truely how I feel at the moment. Everyone else - I hope I haven't completely bored you to death with this ego-stroking tripe I call a blog entry.
/rizzn
Showing posts with label laura colaner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label laura colaner. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
I May Live in Interesting Times...
Tonight has been Grand Central Station on the phones today. I think I may have spoken with almost every person I've ever met today. Starting to remind me of the old days when everyone and their cousin had my phone number, and always called me.
Not that I mind, but there are always a few people who get the shaft. Tonight it was Darrell and Smokehouse who didn't get to talk to me.. not because I value them less as friends, but it's just that you feel obligated to talk to some people when they call when they only call once a month or a week or so. Unfortunately they all called today.
My father is coming into town not this weekend, but the next. The impetus for this trip is the further aggrevated family situation I've alluded to here in the past. I'm not quite comfortable talking about it on an open forum like this, but if you stick around long enough, I'll probably get around to it.
For you podcasters that read the site, if I keep at it for a couple more hours, I'll have that HTTP upload component done for Rizzn's Podcaster. Don't despair. In my work, I've found a bug in my code that I actually know how to fix that can increase the reliability of the email component by around 40%. Good times, yes? It's ever slow evolving into a real live good service. Wait - I mean, Podcaster rocks now and forever!
As an interesting and almost pointless project, I've compiled a short list of all the photographically documented romantic interests of mine, and put some galleries together. Before I jump into the list, let me put together a few ways a prospective reader of rizzn.com could use this list:
1) See if you measure up
Interested in dating me? See how you measure up aesthetically and categorically (as I have included a title for each person as well as a brief one or two sentence bio for each relationship).
2) See if you made the list
There are a few people who didn't make the list - mostly because they didn't give me photographs of themselves. If you can remember going out with me, and can prove it with some photographs, I'll add you to the list.
3) See if you want to date any of my ex's.
These girls are hot-hot-hot. I mean, it takes one heck of a woman to satisfy Master Rizzn.
4) See my ex's
Perhaps you are just curious. Perhaps you are voyeur. Perhaps you are a stalker. Perhaps you're a fed looking for material to put in my file. I've had all these things and more over my life, and I wouldn't be surprised to find out you fit in these categories or something equally bizarre.
Without further ado, here is the list (in more or less chronological order):
Courtney Patterson
www.rizzn.com/img/courtneyPatterson
My First Love
I was truly head over heels for this girl. We met originally when she came in to my workplace, and I helped her print out her term paper. Six months later, we met at a church group, and we made a real heartfelt connection both spiritually and physically. She broke up with me shortly after she went back to college, and our relationship ended up roughly the duration of the summer. She's married now, or last I heard, and lived in Houston.
Charlene Johnston
www.rizzn.com/img/charleneJohnston
My First Encounter
Hot on the heels of my crushing split from Courtney, and the departure from one of my favorite jobs to this day, I met Charlene. This was in the middle of a severe drug binge, and a lot of the details are still murky of what I knew when, but she was married (albeit an 'open marriage') at the time to someone who later became one of my best friends. She was the woman who ended up "making a man out of me." She was a Scorpio, and ended up breaking my heart yet again. For about a year I couldn't stand to be around her, although since I've matured and become rather good friends with her, albeit at a distance.
Traci Davis
www.rizzn.com/img/traciDavis
My First Long-Term Relationship
Instead of becoming a misogynist, I receded into myself for almost a year. I moved to Dallas, and I met Traci on Yahoo! Personals. Traci has always been a friend since, although our periods of contact are always interrupted by years of incommunicado, unfortunately. None the less, Traci and I were together for roughly nine months, and then together again for roughly a month or two a few years later. Of all my ex's, she's the one I could see myself getting on with again at some point, although distance and 'maturity' will probably always prevent that.
Stacy Wilson
www.rizzn.com/img/stacyWilson
My First Fiance
Bad luck is the best way to describe the relationship between Stacy and I. We weren't together long before we started to speak of marriage, and we weren't engaged long before she started to break her vows to me. For nine months after our first break-up, I tried to patch things back up with her, and we almost did get things together a few times, but it wasn't to be. She was another Scorpio. She and I after a year or so ended up being on friendly terms, and I speak with her about a couple times a year.
Alana Gray
www.rizzn.com/img/alanaGray
My First Fling
Not a week after the final split between Stacy and I, Alana scooped me up for what she envisioned as a week-long fling as I had plans to move out of town at the time. When my plans changed the night of the move, she still broke up with me to get back together with her ex's. The girl actually broke up with me over SMS (Phone Message). I saved it for years as it was something quite humorous to me. We both knew it was a short term thing, and I occasionally entertained thoughts of getting back with her, until I realized that she too was a Scorpio, and was only playing with me. Sensing a pattern?
Laura Colaner
www.rizzn.com/img/lauraColaner
My First Dominatrix
My last major relationship, this one really threw me for a loop. I've almost recovered from my misogynist stage that I was thrown into after this one. Things started out swell, and then after one simple (although I must admit thoughtless) mistake, things went rapidly downhill. The only reason this relationship lasted more than a month was that I was 'renting' an apartment from her parents, and had to maintain the peace in order not to be Mr. Homeless Rizzn. I think we ended up being together for about four months. Behind the bedroom door, the relationship was incredible (again, for the first month, before she turned into a cold fish). The relationship could best be summed up by the night it was finally over - she was rocking back in forth in a fetal position, half-naked, on my kitchen floor, nursing a bottle of cheap vodka, apologising to her ex-boyfriend's dog. Also a Scorpio.
Honorable Mentions
Amanda Morgan My First Stalker
I honestly had nothing in common with this girl. We dated for a while, and she claimed to be completely in love with me, but the chemistry was just not there for me. I couldn't get a conversation out of her ever. In retrospect, it was a pretty decent arrangement we had, but it's sometimes not fair to be with someone you know you don't want to be with and lead them on like that. The only chick I've ever had to break up with. Multiple times.
Lish Daelnar My First Geek
During my first year in Florida, I met Lish from friendster, and online we hit it off like gangbusters. In person, she intimidated me, and I froze up on our first date. She might be one of the few people in this world that I respect for their powers of geek. In one of the few moments where I wasn't frozen, we exchanged UART jokes, if that gives you some idea. Technically we only had one date, and I didn't even get a kiss, but she left an impression. If memory serves, a Scorpio, but it didn't have an effect on our non-relationship.
Taylor Bowen My First Hand-Off
I actually went on one date with Taylor, and she handed me off to her friend Sunny, which suited me fine.
Sunny My First Faux Pas
All I'll say to save myself the embarrassment is that I was so inept that I didn't notice the fact that she was literally throwing herself at me, and I didn't take advantage of her. I to this day don't know if it's because I'm a gentleman at heart, or a fool. Either way, one of the few regrets I have, because she was a stand up girl, and we could have had something if I weren't a numbskull. She probably thinks I'm gay or something (which I'm NOT!).
That's all I got for now folks. Be good.
/rizzn
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
I am posting this because I know it will annoy a certain somebody out of her mind.
[Rizzn's Note: slimee still reads my site on a regular basis. i just found her site today because I was searching thru my site logs, and she linked to me like a moron. she wouldn't give me this URL when we went out. don't know why. don't care. anyways, when I found she posted about me and is so annoyed by every posting I do about her, I couldn't refrain from annoying her further. :)]
ok, sooooo much has gone on!!! updating necessary!!!
rizzn, who has despicable stuff written about me on his wannabe blog has written yet more!!! it all started again because i objected to his keeping
[okay... i probably earned that one. some of the stuff I wrote probably qualifies as despicable. But wannabe blog? You know I get way more traffic than you could dream of.]
my full name posted (hes been openly slandering me since its been over, and now id rather not be associated with him), and asked him, via a very
[slander, once again, dear moron, is when it's not true. I haven't posted an untrue thing about you on this site. plus, it's written. so it's not technically slander even if it was untrue. lay off the dead languages and concentrate on English.]
nice private email, to remove it. once again, he freaked, revealing that
[no, actually, i didn't freak. I posted it to my website to show how much of a spiteful little girl you were being, with a point by point reply that incidently was much shorter than your original letter.]
he is sub-human. he went totally overboard, polluting the internet with
[sub-human? woman, please.]
rambling crapola about who knows what (i didnt even read it, because it was too cumbersome and ridiculous). however the kinds of things i understand he wrote werent only unfair, but untrue. i have no idea what the guy believes to be reality... just so you know, its all wacked, twisted, and/or made up.
[woman, nothing here is wack, twisted, or made up. in fact, most of the stuff on my website about you is from your own mouth, or fingertips]
maybe rejection just makes people nasty. bleh.
[being violently insulted and verbally assaulted makes people nasty. there's a difference.]
the guy is a freak and a drama-queen. he really needs to be put back on the meds his parents put him on a few years ago. he has become the
[what meds did my parents put me on a few years back? how does that have to do with anything going on here?]
laughing stock of my friends... i feel a little bad for him...that he is so
[I guess it is only fair that I'm the laughing stock of all your friends. You are the butt of every other joke my friends made for a good few weeks there. Now, we only remember you for the idiotic things you and your friends said on my website and in conversations I've relayed to them.
Our favorite thing to make fun of you for is when you tried to refute valid points I made by replying: "Is that what they taught you in God-School?" We really like making fun of people we think are mentally deficient by calling them Slimee Dittoheads, because as bad as your logic and use of grammar is, your ditto heads are even worse at it.]
frustrated, so naive, and so lame... and that fact that he gets so upset he reveals that he is a prenatured ecrackulator on his own website is preeeeeetty bad. hehe
[no, actually, that was you and your dittoheads that made that allegation. my reply, if you recall, was you had no complaints the first month we were together when we were still having sex (around six times a day).]
he needs to grow up.
[I don't need to grow up. You need to stop surfing my website if it causes you so much pain. I shouldn't be a concern in your life.]
anyways, i shouldnt get flustered. all i really want is for everybody to be as cool as possible. maybe someday the jerk will see everything i did for him, how much i cared, and that i never really was his enemy. perhaps
[The situation I was in with you was a typical abusive situation, Laura. You maintained a position of power by "granting" me essential items, while trying to set up a situation where I would forever be subservient to you. "Get a job, but not one that you enjoy or could make a lot of money at... just get one with my parents because it'll give you just enough money to live," and "Don't take a temporary dwelling with someone else, take one of my parent's apartments so I can keep my thumb on you."
Don't act like you were in love for me and cared for me when all you wanted was to satisfy your own sense of domination. I ceased being someone you loved and cared for when you started viewing me as someone to dominate. I was the fool for letting that happen. You are the fool for believing your own propaganda.]
the price of being friends is too high for some of us to pay, right? even
[I can't be friends with someone who continually shows me flaunts to me her disrespect. Give up on that one.]
now, i dont wish him any harm... ...just that maybe he drops dead :D
[Um, you do know I could construe that as a death threat. Y'see, I was very careful in what I wrote on my site, not to state anything untrue. You obviously have no catch between your brain and your fingertips that keeps you from getting yourself in trouble.
Nice to know what your true feelings are. My suggestion is that you keep your feelings bottled up inside if you wish I should die, or at least don't put them on the internet -- unless you want to go to jail.]
Sunday, February 29, 2004
I've never known you to shy away from controversy....
But whatever. If you don't want to be associated with me anymore, that's your perogative. Let me just say that your request is insane, but obliged. If you were anyone else, I would not have taken your links or names off my site, but because we were such good friends in the past, I oblige your request.
No, Laura, this entry is not about you. Quit reading my site.
I think your analysis of my opinion is incorrect, for the record. I know you are up in arms about my Gay Marriages articles. That's the only controversial thing I've had up here since my breakup fiasco, and I can't imagine you being pissed about that. My opinion was that I officially don't have an opinion. Not politically, anyways. I was attacking the guy's debate tactics, not his position.
But whatever. You said you didn't want to debate about it. You said you didn't want to be associated with me. You have been k-filed, k-lined, and ignored. When your analytical skills have reached a point where you can be reasonable, call me. I'm still the same guy you were friends with "back in the day." For some reason you have shyed away from calling me your friend ever since I moved to Wylie. I'm not up for debate on it... at this point, I'm not interested.. I suppose this is the final nail in that coffin.
Knowing you, you aren't even going to have a second thought about this. You're going to think, "hey, that's how he wants to be, fsck'em."
At any rate, I've had time to think about this issue a little bit more. The issue of gay marriages, that is. I was watching Bill Maher's show last night on HBO (which I really like, btw. if you agree with his politics or not, you gotta admit he's the king of zingers) and one of the people on the show brought up a really good point.
This whole debate doesn't belong in a political arena at all. Marriage should be taken out of politics. This is a religious debate -- marriage is a religion thing, spiritual thing, all that. Why do we have laws about marriage? For tax reasons, for insurance reasons, etc. This is *bunk*!
I mean, I can personally garuntee you that the insurance company doesn't check with the government to see if your girlfriend you put down as your wife is actually your wife or not.
I heard the argument that rampant homosexuality was the cause of the fall of Rome, and we are on that same path of debauchery. Y'know, the fall of Rome had more to do with theocracy and that sort of thing ... mandating morals and beliefs through law. It also had to do with rampant corruption and an aging empire.
So all this really comes down to is a moral debate. In a moral debate, there really isn't a winning side, because it comes down to subjective beliefs, which was the point I was making before in this rant against Frank I posted earlier. I refuse to be goaded into a moral debate on a political arena, and any smart politician should do the same. It would behoove both sides of the debate to take this tactic. As a libertarian, I dont' want to infringe on anyone's personal rights. As a person who's beliefs are founded in Judeo-Christian values, I shy away from endorsing something the Bible is quite clear on like homosexuality. But then as a person who lives in the real world, has acquantances, friends and business associates who are gay or lesbian, I find myself in the position of being tugged from both sides.
So I ponder my delimma and come to the conclusion that I don't care what people do when it doesn't affect me. Changing the laws in this nation affects me. Constitutional amendments affect me. Anarchy in California affects me. Gay Marriages (as long as they aren't mandated by law) don't affect me. I don't want my government mandating what my definition of marriage should be. I don't want them telling me it has to be a man and a woman. I don't want them telling me it can be a dog and a woman, man and a man, or anything. I'm not saying that this is some slippery slope, or anything of that nature. I'm saying I don't want the government, something that we have learned by the results of the 2000 presidential election is very far removed from the will of the people, telling me what my morals should be and if they are right or wrong.
That is all.
/rizzn
No, Laura, this entry is not about you. Quit reading my site.
I think your analysis of my opinion is incorrect, for the record. I know you are up in arms about my Gay Marriages articles. That's the only controversial thing I've had up here since my breakup fiasco, and I can't imagine you being pissed about that. My opinion was that I officially don't have an opinion. Not politically, anyways. I was attacking the guy's debate tactics, not his position.
But whatever. You said you didn't want to debate about it. You said you didn't want to be associated with me. You have been k-filed, k-lined, and ignored. When your analytical skills have reached a point where you can be reasonable, call me. I'm still the same guy you were friends with "back in the day." For some reason you have shyed away from calling me your friend ever since I moved to Wylie. I'm not up for debate on it... at this point, I'm not interested.. I suppose this is the final nail in that coffin.
Knowing you, you aren't even going to have a second thought about this. You're going to think, "hey, that's how he wants to be, fsck'em."
At any rate, I've had time to think about this issue a little bit more. The issue of gay marriages, that is. I was watching Bill Maher's show last night on HBO (which I really like, btw. if you agree with his politics or not, you gotta admit he's the king of zingers) and one of the people on the show brought up a really good point.
This whole debate doesn't belong in a political arena at all. Marriage should be taken out of politics. This is a religious debate -- marriage is a religion thing, spiritual thing, all that. Why do we have laws about marriage? For tax reasons, for insurance reasons, etc. This is *bunk*!
I mean, I can personally garuntee you that the insurance company doesn't check with the government to see if your girlfriend you put down as your wife is actually your wife or not.
I heard the argument that rampant homosexuality was the cause of the fall of Rome, and we are on that same path of debauchery. Y'know, the fall of Rome had more to do with theocracy and that sort of thing ... mandating morals and beliefs through law. It also had to do with rampant corruption and an aging empire.
So all this really comes down to is a moral debate. In a moral debate, there really isn't a winning side, because it comes down to subjective beliefs, which was the point I was making before in this rant against Frank I posted earlier. I refuse to be goaded into a moral debate on a political arena, and any smart politician should do the same. It would behoove both sides of the debate to take this tactic. As a libertarian, I dont' want to infringe on anyone's personal rights. As a person who's beliefs are founded in Judeo-Christian values, I shy away from endorsing something the Bible is quite clear on like homosexuality. But then as a person who lives in the real world, has acquantances, friends and business associates who are gay or lesbian, I find myself in the position of being tugged from both sides.
So I ponder my delimma and come to the conclusion that I don't care what people do when it doesn't affect me. Changing the laws in this nation affects me. Constitutional amendments affect me. Anarchy in California affects me. Gay Marriages (as long as they aren't mandated by law) don't affect me. I don't want my government mandating what my definition of marriage should be. I don't want them telling me it has to be a man and a woman. I don't want them telling me it can be a dog and a woman, man and a man, or anything. I'm not saying that this is some slippery slope, or anything of that nature. I'm saying I don't want the government, something that we have learned by the results of the 2000 presidential election is very far removed from the will of the people, telling me what my morals should be and if they are right or wrong.
That is all.
/rizzn
Thursday, January 29, 2004
True character is determined by what you do when no one else is looking. Once again, because of this letter I recieved from Laura, my ire is raised. It shouldn't matter to me that every time she communicates with me my character is insulted, but for some reason it does. |  |
| A Slimee Dittohead at the Top of His Game | |
| For some reason, I feel as though I must make a few points, despite the fact I feel my position needs no explanation. First of all, I'm not the one that started this war. I posted a simple thing to my site about what was going on in my life, and Laura unleashed her hounds on me. Within minutes, there were ten or fifteen posts to the comments section of my site attacking every aspect of my character, all using ammunition she had been using for a week previous. I was exercising my God-given right of free expression. I wasn't really thinking about how old it made me appear. At this point still, I haven't found a point in which I care how old it made me look. Another thing that I must explain my position on, since I'm not sure it's been made explicit, is the reason why I decided to cut all contact with Laura... The last night we spent together, it went something like this: We were upstairs, and things were getting a little intimate. I ask her what was going on, or what she was thinking, or something, and she mentions something I did wrong three months previous. It killed the mood for me. I say something like "Well, I guess we'll never get past this." I proceed to go make breakfast. The rest of the day turns into a long drawn out argument. I generally let her blather on with her beefs with me until late in the evening, then I finally speak up for myself. I begin to speak up for myself, and she starts crying. The moment I speak up for myself. She starts crying. It is manipulation. Plain and simple. I mean if it was an isolated incident, it wouldn't be. But its that 10th or 11th repeat performance by that time. I hold my tongue, though. I let her cry it out. James calls and she grabs the phone from me. She's telling him what happens, and James asks her why she started crying. She starts crying again. My guess is that the conversation didn't sound like it was going to be an "ahh, poor baby." type response from James, so she started crying to end it early. So we start talking again, and it very quickly blows up into her insulting me and calling me a number of very bad names. I look at her, walk away, and don't speak to her for around three hours, just cleaning up the house. She goes out to the car, grabs a whole bunch of crafts crap and makes a huge mess in the livingroom. I remember looking at my watch and thinking, "If she doesn't apologise for that outburst by 9 o'clock, I'm taking her home." Nine rolls around and she starts making small talk again (but never actually apologises). Small talk somehow leads to arguments, which leads to her crying and screaming and calling me names. I finally say to her: "Listen, you are out of control. I'm no longer listening to this crap. If you open your mouth again, consider yourself talking to the wall. Get your stuff together, I'm taking you home." She then proceeds through a number of bizarre actions. She decides that I simply *must* talk with her ex-boyfriend. To fully understand the implications of this, you must know that the whole time we were together, I know only a few things about this guy. 1) That he was simply "amazing" in the sack. 2) That he tried to chop off her fingers. 3) That she was "meant" to marry him or some other such gobbledy-gook. 4) That he probably cheated on her. 5) That he was "crazy." 6) That she talked to him online and on the phone the whole time we went out. So she calls him around five times. Around five times I disconnect the phone. Finally I relent and let her talk to her ex, but say there is no way I'm talking to him. About 45 minutes later, I relent and let her hand me the phone. (I've since had a small email dialogue with him. He seems a bit balanced to be crazy, but then I'm not in a relationship with him. And he seems like he might still be carrying a torch for Laura. Truly a massochist). I get off the phone with him. I talk with her a little while. It degenerates into more insulting of me. She goes upstairs and locks herself in the bathroom. She beats her head against the door and then when I go to see what's going on, she denies she was beating her head against the door. I tell her to get downstairs and pack up her belongings, I'm taking her home. She goes downstairs, I go out to take the dog for a walk. When I left she was sortof looking forlornly at her belongings. When I come back, she's in the kitchen rocking back and forth, holding a bottle of vodka, pouring herself screwdrivers. She does this for like two hours, while I pack her stuff, get it loaded in the car, come back, read an entire BOOK, and then she finally speaks up and addresses me: "You need to have your stuff out of the apartment by ... sun-up. That's a good time. Anything left there will be given to the garbage men." I calmly look at her: "Is that your final answer? If you are telling So it's like 2:00am, her final answer is that I must be out of the Apartment by sunrise. It's a long drive from where we were back to her house, which was near the Apartment. I have no moving van, so I already know all my furniture is a loss. Needless to say, I'm anxious to get her back to her house so I can get to moving. She's so drunk and sick from being drunk that she complains about my driving the whole way there. That, inevitably, These key points included how I was basically turned into an escort for a date she went on just one day previous. A guy from the fetish shows named Joey Another key point I didn't mention is how I knew she had been sending semi-nude pictures to my best friend. Another key point I didn't mention are the REPEATED passes she made to my best friend. Another key point I didn't mention is how every one of my friends report back to me all the insults that she says about me behind my back. Another key point I left out was every time I'm around her after an argument and her insults, she literally turns my stomache when I think of her or look at her. There is more. I don't have time for it now. Back to the scene.... I finally get to her house, and she wants to talk more. I want her out of my car. It's going on 3:30am and I need to be done moving by sunrise. I had originally planned on some sleep, but at this point it's out of the question. I spent over an hour and a half trying to get her out of my car. I'd get her out of the car, go back around to the driver's side, and she'd get back in. "Don't let it end like this," she'd Essentially what ensued was her creating a scene and me trying every trick in the book short of physical violence to get her to get out of my car so I could leave. Then I went and made three thirty mile trips moving my stuff to a friends spare bedroom. Then I went to work. Twelve hours later, I was finally allowed a chance to sleep. The next morning, I post my ordeal on the website. You know the rest of the story. | |
[Letter from the Ex this morning]
I hope life is treating you well.
im sure you don't want to be bothered with any of this, but unfortunately, there are a few things I need to talk to/ask you about. I wish I could offer eloquence here, but I guess I simply wont waste your time.
its been a while since we last were in contact, and maybe youre less upset these days. the things you said both in person, and online were truly heart-breaking to me (I still really haven't gotten over them completely)... its bad enough I had to endure all this when it happened, but to have it linger is really unbearable. all I really want is for you to end the continuing strife between us, and make the whole thing private.
nobody deserves to have this kind of altercation broadcast in public. the issue of google is especially "unkind and destructive". you either need to remove the post, or change my name. you wouldn't appreciate it if this kind of thing were done to you, offering enough questionable shit to cause trouble in your personal and professional lives. ive been hesitant to post anything at all on your site from the beginning, and when I did, I was never ashamed to state my own identity. if it seemed to be posted by anybody else, then it was. I tried to be fair to you. and now, I ask that all this ugliness still there be removed/altered/made private. i ask that you be mature and professional. I ask that you let the two of us truly move on and let all this stupid high school shit be completely over. its presence there serves no purpose at all. you have private journals to serve this purpose. as long at it is there, and googleable, youll be hanging on to stuff that should have been truly over and buried long ago. not only was the matter a gross display of bad behaviour and bad character, but you were quite simply wrong about lots and lots of stuff. I WOULD have corrected you, and said more than a few positive things to set you straight, or even agreed with you on points, but you were too much of an ass to let me. I never thought half the negative things you thought I did about you. why couldn't you see how much I actually cared all that time? why couldn't you just give me the time and patience I needed and pleaded for? does this really matter now? very likely not a fuckin bit. but if you don't take it down/add aliases/make it private and solve the google problem for me, then at least do it for your self respect. anyone who finds this page, basically finds you acting like a psycho. me? they don't really know what I have done. im like that guy whose wife posts everything online. he may be at fault, but shes the one who everyone says is wrong.
please, mark, consider all this. if you ever cared for me…if you ever meant it when you told me you loved me, then be respectful to me. I fought harder wars for you than you know or understand. if the situation were reversed, I wouldn't have posted the things you said in the first place. you cannot be true to your love for someone and turn on them in that way. the things I said were uttered out of total desperation. I wont repeat them. you shouldnt repeat yours by leaving it there. you should take it down.
other than that, I ask about whether or not you have several things of mine. this is an important issue, because if you don't have it, it likely means that littlejoe tossed it. I need to know what the situation is here, mostly for joes sake. id like to arrange an exchange (you left more behind than I think you really know, and I have no use for the stuff). ive been holding on to most of this stuff because james politely asked me to. however, we're purging that apartment soon (unless theres a reply on this subject), so I need you to address this exchange proposition and claim what you want before it hits the curb.
with this issue of my name on your website, and with google (I know you have time to address this, because you post 10 times a day), my patience concerning this matter of your things which I am holding on james' request is growing extremely thin. you've had some time since you knew this was a problem…please, lets just grit all necessary teeth, and get it over with. nothing good comes of embracing all this stupid crapola… theres no reason to completely alienate and/or antagonize.
lets all just get along.
laura
[My public statement response]
You've made it impossible for any of your requests to be granted. Just in the same manner that "I made it impossible" for me to stay in the Apartment until I had other arrangements made, you have made it impossible for me to make any concessions in this matter. And I actually have considered this matter thoroughly (giving it much more thought than it deserves). I will not remove anything from my website. IF (and that's a big if) you weren't the one posting under a million different aliases the trash that was on my website in response to a simple entry from me, then you certainly egged everyone on, and you certainly told our private business to as many people as I would be through this website. There's no way you can take your words back, so I don't see a reason to take mine back, just because it's easier for me to do so.
Consider the following (and there's no reason to reply): is it fair to lead me on for three months? is it fair to send photographs of yourself partially clothed to my best friend? what about while we were still together? is it fair to ask my best friend out on dates? is it fair to attempt to poison the minds of my only friends in this area with your bullcrap? is it fair that the entire time you went out with me, your kind words to my friends about me consisted of bad impressions of me acting stupid? is it fair that even though I told no one but James about the problems we were having you broadcast every one of our disputes to every online friend and every ex boyfriend you can contact?
Don't talk to me about fair, woman. Don't talk to me about respect. If you were concerned about respect, you would respect my wishes. My wishes were pretty simple. Don't ever contact me again.
There IS a reason to completely alienate and/or antagonize: I don't want to hear from you again. As you've proven YET AGAIN, you are unable of conversing with me civilly without insulting me. Furthermore, all the minor points where our lives still touch are living insults to me. Don't talk to me about patience growing thin. And don't talk to me about desparation. I'm desparate for you to get the message: stop talking to me.
I know EXACTLY what I left there at the apartment. Did you not read the letter I left for your parents? I CEDE ALL RIGHTS TO IT. I DON'T WANT IT. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. I certainly am not going to arrange some sort of exchange with you. If I ever see you again in my lifetime, it will be too soon.
I no longer want to get along with you. You made it very easy during the last week we were together for me to make a very clean break. Any pretense or misconception I had about your love for me was completely erased, and it was shown to me exactly what kind of person you are inside. I suggest you grit your teeth, as you say, and stop writing me. Every time you do, you should know it will be publicly posted, and you will be publicly spanked in a manner consistent to all the other public spankings you've had in the dialogues on this website.
Get the picture?
Here's a tip for the future: next time you write a letter asking for favors, try to give a shot to not calling the person you are asking favors of an ASS or a PSYCHO or SOPHMORIC or UNPROFESSIONAL in it.
/rizzn
I hope life is treating you well.
im sure you don't want to be bothered with any of this, but unfortunately, there are a few things I need to talk to/ask you about. I wish I could offer eloquence here, but I guess I simply wont waste your time.
its been a while since we last were in contact, and maybe youre less upset these days. the things you said both in person, and online were truly heart-breaking to me (I still really haven't gotten over them completely)... its bad enough I had to endure all this when it happened, but to have it linger is really unbearable. all I really want is for you to end the continuing strife between us, and make the whole thing private.
nobody deserves to have this kind of altercation broadcast in public. the issue of google is especially "unkind and destructive". you either need to remove the post, or change my name. you wouldn't appreciate it if this kind of thing were done to you, offering enough questionable shit to cause trouble in your personal and professional lives. ive been hesitant to post anything at all on your site from the beginning, and when I did, I was never ashamed to state my own identity. if it seemed to be posted by anybody else, then it was. I tried to be fair to you. and now, I ask that all this ugliness still there be removed/altered/made private. i ask that you be mature and professional. I ask that you let the two of us truly move on and let all this stupid high school shit be completely over. its presence there serves no purpose at all. you have private journals to serve this purpose. as long at it is there, and googleable, youll be hanging on to stuff that should have been truly over and buried long ago. not only was the matter a gross display of bad behaviour and bad character, but you were quite simply wrong about lots and lots of stuff. I WOULD have corrected you, and said more than a few positive things to set you straight, or even agreed with you on points, but you were too much of an ass to let me. I never thought half the negative things you thought I did about you. why couldn't you see how much I actually cared all that time? why couldn't you just give me the time and patience I needed and pleaded for? does this really matter now? very likely not a fuckin bit. but if you don't take it down/add aliases/make it private and solve the google problem for me, then at least do it for your self respect. anyone who finds this page, basically finds you acting like a psycho. me? they don't really know what I have done. im like that guy whose wife posts everything online. he may be at fault, but shes the one who everyone says is wrong.
please, mark, consider all this. if you ever cared for me…if you ever meant it when you told me you loved me, then be respectful to me. I fought harder wars for you than you know or understand. if the situation were reversed, I wouldn't have posted the things you said in the first place. you cannot be true to your love for someone and turn on them in that way. the things I said were uttered out of total desperation. I wont repeat them. you shouldnt repeat yours by leaving it there. you should take it down.
other than that, I ask about whether or not you have several things of mine. this is an important issue, because if you don't have it, it likely means that littlejoe tossed it. I need to know what the situation is here, mostly for joes sake. id like to arrange an exchange (you left more behind than I think you really know, and I have no use for the stuff). ive been holding on to most of this stuff because james politely asked me to. however, we're purging that apartment soon (unless theres a reply on this subject), so I need you to address this exchange proposition and claim what you want before it hits the curb.
with this issue of my name on your website, and with google (I know you have time to address this, because you post 10 times a day), my patience concerning this matter of your things which I am holding on james' request is growing extremely thin. you've had some time since you knew this was a problem…please, lets just grit all necessary teeth, and get it over with. nothing good comes of embracing all this stupid crapola… theres no reason to completely alienate and/or antagonize.
lets all just get along.
laura
[My public statement response]
You've made it impossible for any of your requests to be granted. Just in the same manner that "I made it impossible" for me to stay in the Apartment until I had other arrangements made, you have made it impossible for me to make any concessions in this matter. And I actually have considered this matter thoroughly (giving it much more thought than it deserves). I will not remove anything from my website. IF (and that's a big if) you weren't the one posting under a million different aliases the trash that was on my website in response to a simple entry from me, then you certainly egged everyone on, and you certainly told our private business to as many people as I would be through this website. There's no way you can take your words back, so I don't see a reason to take mine back, just because it's easier for me to do so.
Consider the following (and there's no reason to reply): is it fair to lead me on for three months? is it fair to send photographs of yourself partially clothed to my best friend? what about while we were still together? is it fair to ask my best friend out on dates? is it fair to attempt to poison the minds of my only friends in this area with your bullcrap? is it fair that the entire time you went out with me, your kind words to my friends about me consisted of bad impressions of me acting stupid? is it fair that even though I told no one but James about the problems we were having you broadcast every one of our disputes to every online friend and every ex boyfriend you can contact?
Don't talk to me about fair, woman. Don't talk to me about respect. If you were concerned about respect, you would respect my wishes. My wishes were pretty simple. Don't ever contact me again.
There IS a reason to completely alienate and/or antagonize: I don't want to hear from you again. As you've proven YET AGAIN, you are unable of conversing with me civilly without insulting me. Furthermore, all the minor points where our lives still touch are living insults to me. Don't talk to me about patience growing thin. And don't talk to me about desparation. I'm desparate for you to get the message: stop talking to me.
I know EXACTLY what I left there at the apartment. Did you not read the letter I left for your parents? I CEDE ALL RIGHTS TO IT. I DON'T WANT IT. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. I certainly am not going to arrange some sort of exchange with you. If I ever see you again in my lifetime, it will be too soon.
I no longer want to get along with you. You made it very easy during the last week we were together for me to make a very clean break. Any pretense or misconception I had about your love for me was completely erased, and it was shown to me exactly what kind of person you are inside. I suggest you grit your teeth, as you say, and stop writing me. Every time you do, you should know it will be publicly posted, and you will be publicly spanked in a manner consistent to all the other public spankings you've had in the dialogues on this website.
Get the picture?
Here's a tip for the future: next time you write a letter asking for favors, try to give a shot to not calling the person you are asking favors of an ASS or a PSYCHO or SOPHMORIC or UNPROFESSIONAL in it.
/rizzn
Monday, January 5, 2004
Draggin' Ass: Yes, THIS one is about you.
Today's going to be a horrible day. I haven't slept all night, and I have a full day of work ahead of me.
"Why haven't you slept all night, Rizzn?" you may ask. My ex-girlfriend made me move out of the apartment I was staying in, because her parents own it, and when you are the princess of the castle, you can make things like that happen.
In case you were too drunk to get the message last night, Laura Colaner, hear me and hear me well: I never want to see you again. I've NEVER EVER heard out of anyone's mouth the type of things you said to me. Furthermore, I never want to hear them again. I plan to accomplish this by never seeing you again.
If you show up on my doorstep, I will call the police. If you call my phone, I will block your number. If you email me or message me, you will be k-filed. Do. Not. Ever. Contact. Me. Again. You. Crazy. Bitch.
I'm sure at this point you have some little smug arrogant theory like you were trying to push on me last night why I'm behaving like this. Whatever floats your boat, think of whatever you want. I'm behaving like this because I've been lied to, as well as being mentally and emotionally abused. You've not only shown your capable of cruelty, malice, and spite as well as your inability to forgive, you've shown me that it is a major player in your general character. You act like you are being all selective when you say you don't like characteristics about me and that's why it won't work, but do you think these are just fruits of the spirit about you that everyone will love because you are some sort of highrolling girl with a master's degree?
And if you think this is too mean to be posted on a website about you, you should be glad I'm being nice enough to not post a blow-by-blow description of what exactly went on last night.
/rizzn
"Why haven't you slept all night, Rizzn?" you may ask. My ex-girlfriend made me move out of the apartment I was staying in, because her parents own it, and when you are the princess of the castle, you can make things like that happen.
In case you were too drunk to get the message last night, Laura Colaner, hear me and hear me well: I never want to see you again. I've NEVER EVER heard out of anyone's mouth the type of things you said to me. Furthermore, I never want to hear them again. I plan to accomplish this by never seeing you again.
If you show up on my doorstep, I will call the police. If you call my phone, I will block your number. If you email me or message me, you will be k-filed. Do. Not. Ever. Contact. Me. Again. You. Crazy. Bitch.
I'm sure at this point you have some little smug arrogant theory like you were trying to push on me last night why I'm behaving like this. Whatever floats your boat, think of whatever you want. I'm behaving like this because I've been lied to, as well as being mentally and emotionally abused. You've not only shown your capable of cruelty, malice, and spite as well as your inability to forgive, you've shown me that it is a major player in your general character. You act like you are being all selective when you say you don't like characteristics about me and that's why it won't work, but do you think these are just fruits of the spirit about you that everyone will love because you are some sort of highrolling girl with a master's degree?
And if you think this is too mean to be posted on a website about you, you should be glad I'm being nice enough to not post a blow-by-blow description of what exactly went on last night.
/rizzn
Saturday, November 15, 2003
Rough set of few days -- real rough. Laura and I took it semi-easy today. I didn't answer the phone much. Just couldn't take it anymore. I shut down all the phones and turned on some music, and did relaxing things. As a consequence, I'll be up until daylight doing my work, but damnit, it was worth it.
Oh, and all you people in Miami afraid of this FTAA stuff might be interested in learning about the Anarchist Movement.
/rizzn
One more day, and I reveal a secret.
Oh, and all you people in Miami afraid of this FTAA stuff might be interested in learning about the Anarchist Movement.
/rizzn
One more day, and I reveal a secret.
[Listening to: Rocked By Rape - The Evolution Control Committe - 7" single (04:30)]
Saturday, January 1, 2000
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