Tribute to Hicks

Dear Diary,

I miss my friend Jesse Anderson.

He was crackbaby's and my comic relief friend in highschool.

He went off to college and I haven't heard from him since those days.

So ... because I found something written by Jesse today, or last night, more accurately, I'm going to let this diary entry be Words of Wisdom, by Jesse Anderson.

---

Hicks’ Poems
Scribed by Jesse Anderson

I like big trucks
I like to drink beer,
If you come fishin’
You’ll see my rear.

I got some boots
That fit good in my saddle,
My wife better be good
Or I’ll spank ‘er with my paddle.

You have pretty blue eyes,
And a real nice smile,
I’ll have to say
I like to shoot darts.

I want a rifle
To shoot a buck
Or a shot gun
For my truck.

I, uh, have some cows
And a horse.
To pick up Bubba,
It takes a lot of force.

I like to drink whiskey
And go to the bar every day.
If you want to play horseshoes,
You will have to stay.

I got a big belly,
And a big belt buckle.
Don’t look at my wife
Or it’ll give you a chuckle.

---

Yeah man. Classic stuff.

/rizzn

Oh Canada!

Dear Diary,

:: Listening to Naan Commercial Hits (A groovy collection of music from the Emperor Norton Records catalog to help align my chakras) ::

"The robots will destroy the humanoids. The humanoids will not destroy the robots!"

It's really sick how little of any kind of aesthetic appreciation of what good web design is some of my partners in Nutshell (the webhosting company we are starting) have. Absolutely sickening.

Their idea of a good web page is puking up a bunch of java apps, sticking them in frames, picking some clashing colors, and calling it a thing of beauty.

Absolutely disgusting.

You'd think they were the designers for ICQ's home page, with their sense of design.

For one thing, they touch everything with Frontpage, so immediately, any good design tags we have in there get stripped out and killed and fubared and generally messed up.

Then they stick the most godawful javascripts and scrolling java thingy's on the page.

It takes them about 5 minutes to do a Frontpage wizard, they plop it out there, in just 5 minutes they are able to destroy 8 hours of good solid webdesign.

Yay. Happy.

I've got an idea about my program. I'm not hired to be a coder. How about I pass this project off to the coders and let them take car eof it. I'm sick of this.

Ugh.

Blow it all up. Lot's of explosives ... kaboom.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I have never been so proud to be Canadian. I sat on my couch and watched the Ceremonies on TV and when you walked by, I had to resist the urge to leap off the couch and burst into "Oh, Canada" (I didn't want to wake my mom up:) "

- super fast kel

Death to the Motards

Dear Diary,

It's official.

I'm sick of the project that I'm working on.

I cannot get this freaking program to write the .rpl/.rtpl file type correctly.

Also, I'd like to say that I hate Java programmers.

And the antihystamines are still making me drowsy and it's increasingly difficult to operation heavy machinery. Good thing I don't own a car anymore. The heaviest piece of machinery I operate is a coffee maker.

The people who wrote the standards for Nokia's Ringing-Tone Programming Language are morons. They couldn't write documentation to save their lives, and they are retarded.

RETARDS!

TARDS!

RETREADS!

MOTARDS!

I don't know how I could stress this more, people, don't be retarded, and we'd have fewer instances of people jumping off the 8th floor of buildings.

If only I could get Jorge the Java programmer to jump off the 8th floor balcony. Hrmm. I'll be here trying to engineer this event. Seeya.

(By the way, Kat, I like it when you use the words "Breasts" and "rizzn" in the same mess of words, unless you are saying "Rizzn has nice breasts.")

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "the attached zip file doesn't contain any rtx files, or at least we couldn't find them. Please send us the rtx files."

- Jorge the Java Programmer

[ed: he was speaking of a .zip file I sent him NAMED rtx.zip with nothing but *.rtx files in it. Freakin' Java programer]

GRrr grr fscking grr

Dear Diary --

Have I mentioned exactly how much I hate java programmers?

I do, I hope they all just disappear off the face of the earth.

Jorge, the java programmer where I work, is a lazy bastard. He continues to pass off work that should be his to me. I gave him the source code to complete the conversion he needs to do in his native so-called language, java, and he STILL refuses to implement it properly, thereby pushing the project back a week.

Furthermore, the other stuff I gave him, the tone files, he messed up the order of them, so now I have to waste another hour of my time recreating them from scratch, as opposed to doing the conversion program he is forcing me to do.

I hate java programmers.

In other news, I went to the doctor about my sickness. Apparently it's not tuberculosis or tonsilitis, but bronchitis. And the doctor things I may be coming down with a permanent asthmatic condition. Fscking great.

So he prescribed to me about 4 million different types of pills, and gave me a shot in the ass, or his lovely assistant did, anyways. And they gave me an inhaler in case I get an asthmatic attack. Yay, happy.

I want to shoot a java programmer.

This sucks, I'm going to get some more coffee. Antihystamines make you fscking tired and irritable (gee can you tell -- I'm starting to sound like crackbaby)

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "Cute, young boys are almost non-existant here. Not even to just look at."

- tenderpoison

Reach for the stairs, sucker!

hi there ho there diary thingy!

i am so pooped. i'm taking a nap when i get home.

i say that now, but i most likely wil go play icewind dale, a badass new game we are all into. heck, i'll just sleep now and fuhgeddabout it.

but this is not what i was writing to you about originally ... the topic of the day is rizzn has no car and is unhappy about it. remember that car that blew up i wrote about in my previous entry, well, i bought another one the day my car blew up and this one blew up the next day.

me and crackbaby are driving along down woodall rogers blah blah blah, and next thing you know on the way to work it's a magic trick NO! it's the radiator trying to make it look like a magic trick happenned by billowing puffy flumes of steam at me. yes folks that's right my radiator blew out. so now i have not one but TWO useless cars.

and my checks still haven't gone thru from last friday, and i'm tired and java programmers are idiots, and i wanna go to sleep.

to sleep, perchance to dream. 'tis nobler to dislodge that train of thought before it goes completely stupid. :)

sleep deprived rizzn is funny, yes?

you should see my code right now, its a riot!

for yix = 1 to CounterThingy : print RTXfileA(yix) : Next yix

yes, they have changed the goal of my programs three times, and being the nice guy that I am I haven't complained one bit about having to scrap a grand total of a month's worth of coding. because I'm a nice guy. I tell you if they demand one more thing of me, I'm going to say code your damn selves, I'm not paid to be a freaking coder, I'm a web developer, suck my clown.

And to add insult to injury, they have me classified as a java programmer on the org chart for the department.

a) I'm not a java programmer b) java programmers are the worlds pivot men in the great circle jerk of life, i'm not a pivot man, I'm a real langauge coder d) java programmers around here are even greater examples of why chlorine needs to be introduced into the world's gene pool 4)I don't know a lick of java programming 5) nor do I ever ever ever want to and finally 7) java programers can stick it where the sun don't shine because they are lazy lazy bastards making me do all the real brain work and real code work outside of java in real programming languages.

I hate them all. Die, java die!

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "It's bettern to reach for the stairs and miss than shoot for a pile of dogshit and hit the mark. "

- crackbaby

[ed: reach for the stairs? i'm sleep deprived and still trying to figure that one out, maybe someone can help me]

I am the goat man of alcatraz

Dear Diary,

Whoa momma, busy morning so far.

Last night my car died. I need to call Triple A and have them tow my car to my house. My fan belt flew off, and I didn't notice, because my power steering already didn't work, and it blew up my engine or something. You could tell from the smell of blown up engine when I parked my car (and from the rattle rattle rattle that my car doesn't usually say when I drive it).

So I need a new car. Crackbaby drove us to work this morning. He hates to drive, and I don't know why. His car isn't in nearly as bad shsape as he thinks it is, I know this. I mean come on! He has power steering, brakes that work, power everything that works most the time, all four wheels roll in the same direction. Hell he even has keys that work in the doors.

I had none of these things, and I still drove my car.

Here is the list of the things that are wrong with my car:

Brakes - Just Brakes (who's motto should be Just Brakes: "Just Don't Do It" or maybe just simply call them unJust Breaks or maybe even, "I'm going to fscking screw up your car in such a way you don't notice for 6 months and then send you a bill") ... Just brakes fubar'ed my brakes about 6 months ago when they connected a brake line. Apparantly they decided that they'd need to take off all four my brakes to fix this issue, and put them on at an angle so my brakes would wear down faster, so now everything in my brake system needs replacing, as well as my brake lines, because they were borderline anyways.

Which leads me to my ...

Tires - Which are also messed up because of the brake problem ... my wheels lock because of the brake problem, so it has totally messed with my treads.

Fluids - All of them need replacing. Oil, brake fluid, transmission fluid, engine coolant, windsheild wiper fluid, power steering fluid, etc.

Windshield - The windshield is cracked.

Spark Plugs - I have 2 spark plugs that fire right now. Out of 6.

Transmission - My transmission is about to give out, it hesitates before shifting, then slams into gear.

Fan Belt Episode - Whatever lasting damage I caused by driving it 3 miles without the fan belt.

A/C - Oh yeah, and my A/C is stuck on defrost.

Radio - Radio works fscking great, thanks for asking. I think I'll go sit in my car and not drive and listen to my fscking great radio and no I'm not bitter.

There are probably more issues with it, but this is a nice list, and the point is I paid about $2000 bucks for the car, and it will cost more than that to fix it.

So I don't have a car. And Crackbaby has this car that's essentially a family heirloom that still runs, I don't think there are going to be many issues with it breaking down but that's just a hunch.

So anyone have a cheap car?

Anyway busy morning.I guess. Meetings all day. And I have to figure out the interface to this compiler so I can put out my program tomorrow. And that's all I have to say about that.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "I have an obsession with bracelets. I wear atleast 25 to school everyday, and everyday I receive atleast 30 comments about them. Mostly always "Hey, you wear a lot of bracelets". I'm like- "Hey, I put them on this morning, I think I would know by now!"

- leah

I have a Pot collection

Dear Diary,

I invented a new game at work today.

I have this multi-pocketed container thingy on my desk, looks really Scandanavian in design, it's designed to hold pens.

Well, now it's part of a skeeball staplegun game I invented called Jack-Off-and-Not-Work. The object is to avoid doing real work by shooting a stapler into the multi-pocketed thing, awarding yourself arbitrary numbers of points based upon which pocket it goes into. Whoever wastes the most time wins.

I like to play it by myself. That way I'm always a winner.

/rizzn

Quote of the Entry: "... Yeah, I'm asking the same questions. "

- crackbaby talking about guess who!! (psst, it's me)